Odds and Ends
by Matyrfae
Summary: This is a collection of oneshots and odds and ends in the lives of Commander Brina Shepard and Thane Krios. Rated M for language.
1. Another Siha

Thane regarded the woman sitting across from him carefully. She looked no different than she normally looked, but something was off. If not in appearance it had something to do with her eyes. Her normally warm, inviting chocolate colored eyes held a coldness he hadn't seen before. Thane wondered if it had something to do with the mission or if it was something far more personal.

She was staring into her coffee mug, gaze intense as she contemplated the cup's contents. While her focus was elsewhere he contented himself with gazing back, losing himself in her beautiful brown eyes. In the proper lighting they flashed orange, like they had in the Dantius Towers as she recruited him. Taking on a color he was most familiar with, an orange color, rather like a sunset. Sunset colored eyes…NO!

He felt his hands tighten into fists in his lap and it took all his focus to keep the emotion from his face. Even if Shepard was lost in thought he was taking no risks. He had yet to tell her of Irikah and a small part of him didn't want to, which unnerved him greatly. Shepard was unlike any woman he had ever met save for one. Unconsciously he had found over time that he was drawing similarities between the two women, comparing them, and the realization of this floored him.

As if she could feel his unease Shepard came back to the present. "Something wrong Thane?" Gods even the way she _spoke_, the inflections and tones of certain phrases were so much like his Irikah he wanted to scream. Shaking his head he regained control of his emotions, gathering enough strength to look her in the eyes.

"Why would something be wrong Sih- Ah, Shepard?" She gave him a weird look, before she smiled and her never ending sarcasm came into play.

"Oh, I don't know. You started twitching slightly, babbling on about taking aim at a target and then something about sunset colored eyes…and I think a little drool might have been involved." She was laughing at him now, though he knew it was just simple teasing. The drool thing was an exaggeration he knew, just to try to embarrass him.

It had failed though; he was more embarrassed by the solipsism itself. He had just blurted out meeting Irikah and he hadn't even been thinking about her, he had been thinking about Shepard.

"Well, I came in here to escape the likes of Kelly Chambers and her constant message reminding, crew monitoring, over all sexual harassing manner…but it seems like a bad time for you so I guess I'll leave you to it." She stood to go, but found his hand gripping her wrist. She halted in surprise, she hadn't even seen him move.

"You don't have to leave if you don't want to Shepard." He motioned for her to sit back down.

"You know, you don't have to address me by my last name. I think we know each other well enough now."

He smirked slightly, "Doesn't Officer Vakarian still call you Shepard? He's known you far longer than I."

She laughed, "Vakarian can't call me anything else. It would go against every fiber of turian culture considering he still thinks I'm his superior officer. I actually think if he called me Brina his head would implode."

Thane cocked his head, "Brina?"

Shepard smiled when he said her name. "Yes, Brina is an old Celtic name. It means 'protector'."

She patted him on the shoulder in a silent good-bye and exited Life Support, leaving a very stunned drell assassin behind.

_Protector…heh…good one Arashu._

**A/N: Bioware owns everything, I'm simply playing in their sandbox. Enjoy! :)**


	2. Freak Out

Shepard staggered into her room; it had been a long day. Quickly ridding her body of armor she slipped into a new pair of panties and a camisole. She sighed heavily as she slid into a seat at her desk and began sifting through her messages. She passed by thank you after thank you until one of the subject lines caught her eye and she felt her veins fill with ice. _About Horizon_…

Kaidan, what a bastard. As she read his half assed apology she slowly felt her rage build.

The first shimmer of blue across her skin mixed with the sharp crack of an electrical burst should have warned her of the biotic instability but she was too far gone to realize it. By the time she had finished reading the message there was very little left of the commander, all that was left was pure unfiltered rage.

"Garrus" Samara startled the turian and the drell as she emerged from the shadows. Thane quickly scolded himself; he was becoming too comfortable aboard the ship.

"Samara, you look upset…"

The justicar closed her eyes and gave an intense sigh. "I fear the commander is lost." She stated. Thane's eyes widened.

"Lost? I'm not sure I understand…" He hadn't known the commander for very long but she had succeeded in getting closer to him than any other in ten years. His concern at what the justicar said only proved further which path their relationship was going and it unnerved the normally stoic assassin.

"I sense an intense biotic disturbance and it is coming from the commander's cabin. I have never felt such energy…I would hazard a guess that her biotic ability far out matches any Asari I have ever come across." The justicar slowly turned her powerful eyes on Garrus "You are one of the few she actually trusts who is strong enough to deal with the barrier she most likely has in place. I feel you should investigate before our leader does something regrettable."

Garrus locked eyes with the drell. "I'm not going in alone…"

Thane nodded and began striding towards the elevator. He had planned on going even if Garrus hadn't offered.

The sight that awaited them was incredible. Thane stared in awe at the raw power rippling off Shepard's body. She stood tall and defiant in the center of the room, shining like a beacon as dark energy radiated from her. Her eyes were closed and it seemed her body was locked in place, she was holding herself still with great strain. Garrus stepped forward hesitantly.

"Shepard…"

She opened her eyes and they glowed a pure white, shining like the sun. Thane was stunned into silence, Shepard looked like a goddess and he found himself held in place.

"Garrus" She smiled serenely, her voice echoed, warped by the mass effect fields she was generating.

"Shepard…what's happening?"

The woman laughed, the sound beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

"I lost control Garrus. I need you to help me, please…" Her voice sounded frail towards the end and Thane wondered just how much energy she was holding back.

"Anything Shepard"

She smiled again, "I want you to hit me…"

Garrus stepped back abruptly, "You know I can't do that Shepard."

A low growl escaped her lips and Thane barely managed to steady himself as a glass of water shattered near him.

"Did you see that Garrus?" The turian nodded. "Do you know how hard it is to hold back doing that to your head?" She swayed in weariness and gave him a look of immeasurable agony. "Stop me Garrus…knock me out so I don't hurt anyone." Tears of liquid light fell from her eyes "If I hurt someone because of this you know it would hurt me way more than any blow you could deliver."

Garrus nodded, turning towards Thane. The drell bowed his head in approval and the turian faced Shepard again.

"Forgive me commander." He said before delivering a crushing blow to her temple. Thane caught the commander's body before it hit the ground.

"I-I…need to go." Garrus stammered, staring at his hand as if it were a new life form. Thane didn't hear him leave.

He gently placed the tiny woman under the blankets, making sure she was efficiently covered. It wasn't until he had caught her that he saw how little she was wearing. Smiling slightly he remembered Irikah wearing similar garments often when she slept. The pale white lace seemed to melt into her equally pale skin and Thane once again marveled at her exotic beauty. Lifting her eyelid slightly he took comfort in the warm coffee color, glad to once again see her back to normal. He wondered what kind of explanation he should give to her once she came to. If she would remember the events leading up to her being knocked out. If she didn't he was going to have a hell of a time explaining how half of her face came to be the color purple and why he was in her quarters while she was in her underwear.

She whimpered slightly in her sleep and he watched as her mouth opened in a silent scream and her hands clawed the sheets. Not quite sure what to do Thane cast a worried glance around the room. Not wanting to leave her in such a state he turned back towards the bed. He couldn't take her misery anymore. Bending down towards her face he gently kissed her forehead, smiling when she instantly calmed. "Sleep sweet Siha…" He murmured against her skin before he pulled away. Finding a comfortable spot on her couch he removed his jacket and settled in to watch over her until she woke up.

. . .

Shepard sat up abruptly, then instantly regretted the action.

"FUCK!" She uttered fiercely, before repeating it when Thane leapt up from her couch. "What the hell are you doing in my room?" She remembered her choice of pajamas and instantly drew the blanket up to her chin. The drell blinked several times before shaking his head.

"I was trying to make sure you woke up…but it appears I fell asleep as well."

Shepard had to hide her smile as he examined the room sleepily. She wasn't sure she had ever seen the drell in this state and it was quite refreshing after his normally well put together persona. At least he got sleepy just like the rest of them.

"I apologize Shepard. You had a biotic episode and officer Vakarian was forced to subdue you." Shepard felt her bruised cheek, wincing as she applied pressure. "He is currently down in the main battery. He was very upset that he had to hit you."

Shepard nodded absently. Why did she freak out? What had she been doi-ohhhhh….Kaidan…shit.

"Sorry about that Thane…um…but where did you come into all this?"

The drell looked towards the floor, almost in an awkward gesture, "I…ah… was concerned that the blow had been too intense and stayed behind to make sure you came to."

Shepard looked at him closely, trying to read his expression. "You were worried about me?" She had never had someone openly worry about her. Lord knows Kaidan never did, or maybe he had but he still never told her about it. There had been a lot of things Kaidan had never done in their relationship and it embarrassed Shepard how she could have held so much stock in it. It was painfully obvious to her now that from the start her and Kaidan were a train wreck waiting to happen.

Thane finally locked eyes with her and the intensity in his gaze stirred something deep within her.

"Yes" He answered softly.

Thane however was completely different, making her feel things Kaidan never had. She had never understood the expression 'butterflies in your stomach' until she had met Thane. He had managed to break through most of her icy barriers and she found herself beginning to let him continue.

Forgetting about her lack of proper clothing Shepard stood and approached the assassin, his eyes widening a little at her appearance. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist as she buried her face in his leather jacket.

"Thank you."

He had stiffened momentarily in surprise, but soon relaxed in her embrace. Letting his arms encircle her. He rested his head atop hers, breathing in her scent.

"You are more than welcome."


	3. A moment of weakness pt 1

Shepard stared at the carnifex… yea; it was one of _those_ nights. It was a beautiful piece of hardware, almost _irresistible_. She pulled the gun towards her chest, safety still on, as she leaned back against the pillows of her way too comfy bed. Staring into space she couldn't help but recall just how the inky blackness felt. It was like floating through velvet, flying through stardust and dreams; sticky sweet, sickly, incredibly deadly dreams. Of late Shepard's dreams had been filled with nothing but fear, agony and death; sweet, blissful oblivion.

No more reapers, no more alliance, no more responsibility. Her eyes snapped shut; she couldn't deal with the stars anymore. Where she once regarded them with respect and awe they had ultimately failed her in the end. Staring at the blue haze of her fish tank she contemplated using the carnifex. She picked it up, her eyes roving over every sleek inch of the weapon and reveled in its extravagance.

It would be so _fucking_ easy to just end it all. Nothing but inky blackness from here on in.

Smiling, Shepard began to rhythmically flick the safety catch on, off, on, off, on, off. Her smile widened almost in childlike glee. She ran the edge of the barrel against her jaw; trailing it down her neck in an almost seductive manner. It was against her _skin. _The safety was _off_.

A small part of her brain was screaming at her to put down the damn gun and save the galaxy; only _she_ could stop the collectors. This small section of brain matter was quickly strangled into silence. She hadn't _asked_ to be resurrected-she owed no one. She pressed her lips in an almost intimate kiss against the tip of the gun; pulling the barrel into her mouth as she closed her eyes. A certain phrase from one of her favorite books came to mind…

"_With a gun stuck in your mouth and the barrel of the gun between your teeth, you can only talk in vowels."_

She had no idea why she found that funny…

With a last look towards her space hamster-she hadn't even bothered to name the poor thing-Commander Brina Shepard pulled the trigger just as her cabin door slid open, startling her, causing her to jump in surprise, throwing her aim off…

Pain exploded in her mouth. She couldn't even scream; throwing up blood, vomit, and teeth as she slumped to the floor. She barely registered her would be visitor picking her up and running towards the elevator, yelling at her all the way. Only one thought ran through the woman's mind.

_Well, Fuck._

. . .

Shepard faintly heard the door to her quarters opening. She was too hopped up on painkillers to really notice anything. Well she noticed one thing-her face. She had once been called a looker, a real beauty. Her crimson hair and dark brown eyes had won her lots of cash and protection in the Reds. It had even gotten her out of a few scrapes in the Alliance, but that was in the past. She was ugly as hell now.

It had been a week since she had shot herself. Since Thane had found her and carried her to the med bay. She had healed fast. Her teeth had been rebuilt perfectly; the only evidence now of what had occurred was the monstrous scar that stretched from the right side of her mouth all the way to her right temple. It flared a dull orange glow, the synthetic flesh having been blown away to reveal the cybernetic under structure. Any doubts from the crew about Shepard's death had now been put to rest. She may have looked human, but underneath the pale membrane…she was anything but.

"Siha."

Shepard opened her eyes, Thane pulling her from her thoughts. She nodded at him, unable to really speak because it hurt far too much. He sat at the edge of the bed and reached for her hands. The gesture was extremely important to him for some strange reason. He stared at her wrists for a long time. The lamp at her bedside under lit his face, illuminating the pure emerald irises. Shepard watched the thousands of emotions flickering through them as he examined her fingers.

The only emotion that she recognized was unbelievable pain and it shamed her. "I know you cannot speak. I am frustrated, for there are millions of questions I must ask and you cannot answer a one." He picked up her hands and kissed her knuckles. Shepard's eyes widened at the intimate gesture. "Arashu must have been watching you closely. If I had waited any longer to come see you it would have been too late." The brilliant emeralds flashed against her dull brown ones, "You would have been lost Shepard." His voice cracked, and Shepard saw the moistened tear tracks fall, glistening against the red ribbing of his throat.

She felt her own eyes filling and bowed her head, her skin screaming in agony as it was stretched taught. She couldn't take it, "I-I-m…S-s-s-so-ah-ry" She stammered out, the tears gushing down her face.

"Brina…" Thane lifted his fingers to her face, gently tracing the outline of her wound. His cool scales felt like heaven against her jaw.

They sat like that for what felt like an age; neither moving. Their eyes locked and Shepard felt like Thane was seeing far into her soul. Her wretched, damaged, all over _fucked_ up soul. When she finally did blink he smiled as if he liked what he saw.

"I came to check on you and to warn you that when you are able to converse freely again," His eyes hardened, emeralds flashing brightly in anger. Shepard could feel his fingers tighten around her face, mindful of her wound of course, "we _will_ talk." His face instantly softened and before she knew what was happening he placed a feather light kiss to her lips, barely touching them. And then he was gone…

She gazed up at the stars, a gentle warmth spreading through her being. Thane Krios had just given her a reason to heal, a reason to live. Maybe the stars hadn't failed her after all…

**AN: Alright things get a little dark here and in the next chapter, but do not fear happier blurbs to come! I wrote this while listening to Goodnight, Travel Well by the killers. I actually got the song from reading Drakontion's fanfic 'Sundown' Read it if you have not already for it is wamazing and utterly brilliant-though you will need a few tissues. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)  
**


	4. A moment of weakness pt 2

**AN: I have gone back and tweaked this chapter slightly...Thane and Shepard's 'talk' has been annoying me for awhile now, so it has been 'fixed' ^.^ To the readers who are seeing this for the first time, here is the sequel to this depressing event, I shall try my hardest to keep Brina from becoming too moody...but no promises :P**

**Oh and Noah, I added the Tuna for you...I hope you are happy Lil Bro :)**

Shepard squirmed as the burning alcohol swab slid across her new wound. She was finally able to talk, and the stitches were being removed. Chakwas however…was not as gentle as she normally would have been, and ruthlessly prodded at the commander. The doctor's eyes narrowed as Shepard cringed.

"How dare you?" She hissed. Shepard felt no anger at the doctor's reaction…for it was the right reaction. "I want an answer Commander…why did you think you had the _right_ to do something like that?" Shepard's eyes closed, trying to block the sudden moisture filling them. Chakwas was justified in her anger. Even though a lesser part of Shepard was screaming to retort on how she wanted to see Chakwas try to save the galaxy.

"I'm sorry Doc…it won't happen again." It was a weak apology…one that Shepard could never fully express. Chakwas scoffed, leveling her commander with a steely glare.

"You forget Brina, that it isn't about you anymore…you act as more than yourself now." Her eyes softened, and a little of the old doctor came back, "I'm not even going to try to imagine the kind of burden that you carry, and lord knows you are doing better than I would in your position…but if you die…we die Shepard." She sighed and went back to her desk.

Shepard brushed away the few tears that had escaped her notice. Standing she gave one last look to Chakwas before leaving the med bay.

Life Support…Brina couldn't help but smile at the irony. She squared her shoulders as she pressed the entrance pad. Sliding through the doors she came face to face with a sleeping drell. Mouth moving in a silent, "Awwww!" she quietly tiptoed around his table, taking her usual seat. It wasn't until upon closer inspection that she realized he wasn't sleeping...he was remembering.

His face twitched in a kind of jerky manner, breathing ragged. His hands balled into fists, every muscle in his body tensing. Brina leaned forward and listened to him whispering what he was remembering…It was about her, he was coming to visit her…to make her smile and laugh; she smiled at that, before the memory took a sour turn. As he whispered the next scene she cringed, he was reliving her attempted suicide.

His face tightened in pain and she couldn't take it. Leaning forward she gently kissed each of his eyes, before kissing his lips. She wasn't sure it had worked until his lips moved against hers, his hands snaking into her hair. She pulled away, trying hard to keep her expression void of any sadness. His eyes softened and he pulled her face back towards his. She was expecting his mouth on hers…but he moved to kiss along her wound instead, the action taking her breath away with its tenderness. "Thane…" She breathed and his hands tightened in her hair. She was an idiot…a complete and utter fool for being so selfish. The commander flushed with shame…she had failed the very ones she loved most.

"How are you Siha?" God he was the one suffering and he was concerned about _her_? She didn't deserve him…she really didn't.

"I'm as well as I can be." She whispered, lost in his eyes. She pressed her forehead against his, "Thank you Thane." She was now halfway on the cot; the position most uncomfortable…Thane seemed to realize this and in one fluid movement pulled her on top of him.

"Well this is…cozy" Thane chuckled at how flustered she was. Their noses were touching, all her soft curves meeting his sharp angles. The cramped space was a good excuse to be close to her.

"Did you need something?" He asked, as if they were still seated at the table.

Shepard almost laughed, "I'm calling a meeting in the debriefing room…" Her voice faltered a bit, she felt Thane's hands slide across her back in a soothing manner. "I want to apologize to everyone."

"No one else knows Siha…except Chakwas for obvious reasons." Shepard's eyes widened. With the way scuttlebutt progressed on the Normandy she had been sure she was the talk of the ship. "I made as little fuss getting you to Chakwas as possible once I got you in the elevator…" Shepard felt even worse…now she _really_ didn't deserve him.

"Thane…I still should tell them, I don't want to lie about my face."

He nodded, "I understand and I support you." He kissed her nose.

"Well, time to face the music…" Shepard mumbled, before untangling herself from Thane and walking to the elevator.

. . .

They had all come…just one quick command to EDI and the entire squad was cramped into the debriefing room. Shepard stared at the hologram of the Normandy on the conference table for a long time. She was momentarily frozen until she felt warm hands on her shoulders. She knew it was Thane… no one else touched her, save for Garrus but it was always just a congratulatory pat after successful missions. _I can do this…_ she thought; _Thane's got my back…_

"Shepard…what happened?" Garrus's voice was filled with concern. She hadn't been out of her cabin for almost two weeks so no one had seen her new scar.

"I'll explain Garrus…" Shepard let out a long, slow breath.

"I know Chakwas and Thane have been telling you all that the reason for my absence was that I was sick…but while that is a correct statement, it isn't the complete truth." She found herself locking eyes with Garrus, unable to focus on anything else as she confessed the greatest sin she had ever committed. His icy blue orbs grounded her, Garrus had always been there for her…he wouldn't abandon her now…right?

"A week and a half ago I… I shot myself." The aliens all wore puzzled expressions, but the humans gasped.

"You… what?" Miranda yelled. Shepard bowed her head in shame.

"It was a moment of weakness Miranda…I promise it won't happen again."

The brunette's brilliant blue eyes seemed to glow with fury, "How could you? You selfish bitch!" Miranda was livid, "Two years!" She cried "Two years of my life I poured into you…"

"And I am a human being not a tool!" Shepard screamed back. Miranda's mouth snapped shut, "You don't seem to realize in that pretty little head of yours that coming back from the dead just isn't normal! It fucks you up Miri….fucks you way up…" Shepard felt her eyes filling and cursed her emotions for the thousandth time that day. Thane's hands tightened around her shoulders, offering as much comfort as he could.

"I thought I could finally just…_sleep_…I thought 'it's all right now, this is all over…you are _finished'_…" Her voice began to grow rough with the sobs she was choking back. "Then I wake up in a strange lab surrounded by death and flames…screams of agony filling my ears the entire way to those escape shuttles." Her gaze found its way back to Miranda, "So don't you dare think for one moment that you have any say on my life." Her gaze softened and she gave a fragile smile to the Cerberus woman, "I appreciate what you did Miri, I just am having troubles adjusting…I understand what you had to do, and I'm sorry that I'm so messed up…like I said before it was a moment of weakness, and you have my word it won't happen again." The Officer seemed taken aback, face a mixture of emotions.

"I just hope for our sake Commander that it doesn't." She finally stated, before turning on her heel and exiting the room.

"I don't understand Battle master…where you testing your strengths?" Shepard turned to Grunt, noticing the aliens hadn't fully understood what had just happened.

"No Grunt… I wanted to kill myself…I wanted to die." Garrus growled, fully understanding now.

"Why Shepard?" She looked to the floor, unable to meet his gaze.

"I don't really have an answer to that anymore Garrus…"

"For two years I mourned you…do you know what kind of hell that was like? You were my mentor…my only friend. The pain of your death is still there Shepard…that's how bad it was." He stiffened. "But that pain is nothing compared to the pain I would feel if you had _willingly_ died. This last time wasn't your fault; you fought for your life…but suicide Shepard…" His voice changed pitch, the flanging tones more noticeable, "that would be you _choosing_ to leave us, and it hurts that you almost did."

He turned to leave the room, "Garrus…wait!" Shepard called to him…wanted to make him understand… He turned, giving her one long, sorrowful look.

"I thought I was important to you…that _we_ were important to you…it appears I was wrong." The turian turned his back on her then, leaving the room entirely.

"Garrus…" It was a half sob. The rest of the squad quickly left, casting worried glances at their leader before exiting.

The only good-bye she got was from Jack, "Sorry Shep…" Shepard was shocked at the sadness in Jack's voice…she hadn't expected it, but as she made eye contact with the woman she got the eerie sense that Jack understood why she had done it…maybe there was even a bit of respect in the biotic's eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whispered to no one in particular.

"Siha…" Thane was still there…he hadn't left her.

"Why haven't _you_ left yet?" She turned to him; suddenly finding herself pushed up against the conference table…Thane standing so close she could feel the heat of his skin.

"Siha, how long is it going to take before you realize I _do not want to leave_?" He pulled her to him, tucking her head under his chin. Shepard closed her eyes, ignoring her tears. She wrapped her arms around his waist, rubbing her face into the leather of his jacket.

"Have I already said I'm really sorry?"

He actually laughed, before pulling her face back to kiss her.

"Yes, repeatedly…" Shepard smiled against his lips.

"Come," He pulled her away from the conference table.

"Where are we going?" Thane didn't stop walking.

"To my quarters…we are going to have our talk." Shepard skidded to a halt. _No…not that…anything but that right now…_ Thane paused with her, "What is the matter Siha? I gave you fair warning…" Shepard was about to reply when she caught his expression…she wasn't sure what emotion was in those button eyes…but it did something funny to her insides.

"Alright…" She whispered. Taking his hand she followed him into the elevator, smiling when his arm wrapped around her waist.

When he had first issued his warning about their talk Thane had meant to discuss why exactly she wanted to die…but after the confrontation with Garrus…he had seen how hurt she was…he didn't want to make her relive past events…he wanted to comfort her, distract her. That was what she needed most at the moment. And he needed her too…after carrying her bloodied body to Chakwas…the images were forever burned into his eyes and he wanted to stop seeing the bloodied and _mangled_ mess every time he saw her face… _She didn't die…you got her to the doctor in time…there is still time to wait…_ but he knew there really wasn't. He wanted to make sure she knew _exactly_ what she would be leaving behind if she chose to put the gun to her mouth again…

"After you" He said as they neared the door to Life Support.

Shepard entered the room, smiling as she neared his table, only to find herself slammed back against the wall, pinned down by Thane. "I thought you wanted to talk…" She said, a tad breathless.

"I apologize for the deceit." Was all he replied as his mouth pressed against hers. The kiss was harsh, full of hunger and longing, they had really held off far too long in Shepard's opinion. She was on fire…everything was on fire. His hands were everywhere and Shepard found it hard to breathe. When he moved to undress her she found herself hesitating. Seeming to sense her unease Thane withdrew slightly.

"Are you sure?" She asked shakily. They had prepared as much as they could, what with Mordin being such a nosey bastard, but she was still nervous. She had never been with an alien before… His eyes softened; his expression tender.

"Are _you_ sure Siha?" His hands cupped her face; his thumbs stroked her cheeks, being extra gentle with the wounded side of her face. Shepard pressed her forehead to his, breathing deeply. Was she sure? She was sure she was dangerously close to loving him…and truth be told it scared the hell out of her. She had never felt this for anyone…including Kaidan. Thane was also dying…and thinking about her mental state after that happened was not something she liked to do. She stared deeply into his jet black eyes, noting his slightly nervous expression…she was certainly taking her sweet time in answering…

"I am" She whispered, and his responding smile dazzled her. This time it was she who pulled his mouth to hers, kissing him passionately.

Soon she found herself stripped to the waist, and very very frustrated. "How the fuck do you undo this thing?" Thane drew back from biting her neck, his low throaty laugh giving her chills. Way more gracefully than she was managing he unbuckled and unzipped his jacket and vest. Shepard found herself at a loss for words..._It is definitely a crime against this galaxy for him to wear a shirt..._she thought to herself. Thane eyed her warily, for once he seemed self concious...she smiled, "I'd order you to never wear a shirt again...but I'd probably end up having to kill Kelly..." She murmurred, causing him to smile before crushing her to him, barely allowing her to breathe.

"Shepard, Mr. Moreau requests your presence in the cockpit…he says it's urgent." Shepard growled into Thane's mouth and pulled away harshly.

"Fuck off EDI!" The couple held their place as they waited for the AI to answer.

"Logging you out Shepard." Shepard moved to make a sarcastic remark, but Thane cut her off, all conversation ceasing from that point onward.

. . .

Shepard entered the CIC, grinning like an idiot. The quick change in character was picked up by the yeoman. Kelly Chambers cast her a questioning glance, "What are you smiling about?" Shepard just shrugged as she checked her messages. Remembering Joker she quickly strode to the cockpit.

"What's the situation Joker?" She asked in a sing song voice as she neared his chair.

"I spent two years plagued by guilt…I know you know how that feels, what with Ashley and all…so why put me through it when you wanted to die anyway?" His voice was monotone.

"Joker I…look...I can't make you understand, and I don't think you ever could unless you died and got brought back to life," He snorted, "but I really am sorry...unbelievably sorry, you really have no idea how much I regret what I did. " She leaned over his chair, hugging him as best she could. She felt him stiffen as she kissed the top of his hat. "Love you Jeff…you're the brother I never got to have." Joker, embarrassed by the display of affection, simply pulled his cap further down and mumbled incoherently. Shepard smiled before turning to the elevator. She had herself a Turian to see…

"Garrus…" He didn't even acknowledge she was there. "Garrus please talk to me…" He nodded in her direction; _well that's some progress…_ "Is there anything I can do to make up for this?"

+_I like tuna…_+ Joker's voice crackled over the comm.. Shepard looked towards the ceiling, confused.

"What Joker?"

+_That's how you can make it up to me commander…I want the savior of the citadel, first __**female**__ human spectre…to make me a sandwich+ _Shepard stared at the comm. in shock. _Is he serious?_

"Listen here flyboy…I'm not going to make you a sandwich…and if you don't want to become an amusing stain on the ceiling of the CIC I suggest you hold back on the sexist jokes." There was no response from flight lieutenant Jeff Moreau; it was a very wise move on his part.

Shepard turned her attention back to Garrus, who was laughing silently and trying not to show it. "Wait, Garrus, you actually got the joke?" He chuckled more loudly.

"Yea…we have similar jokes for turian women…it's a good tactic to distract them when sparring." Shepard smiled; remembering his tale of blowing off steam with the recon scout and glad things were beginning to loosen up between them, "But if you insult them...wouldn't that mean no sex for you?" Garrus shook his head, giving a huge turian version of a smile.

"No…it makes it better" Shepard thwacked the chest piece of his armor, hiding the minor pain the action caused. "Didn't know you liked it rough Vakarian…I was just showing Thane I like it that way too." Garrus's laugh cut off abruptly.

"Son of a…Shepard I told you I didn't want to know!" Shepard danced away from his taloned fist, sticking her tongue out.

"Well now you do Vakarian! Now am I going to have to go into intense details or am I forgiven?"

Garrus's expression softened and he nodded, "I forgive you Commander…I almost did the same thing on Omega…" Shepard frowned at that, moving to wrap her arms around the Archangel. His talons stroked her back, a low purr rumbling up from his chest.

"Stay with us Commander…you're my only friend…I don't think I could handle losing you again." Shepard squeezed him tighter.

"Thank you for forgiving me…I wouldn't be able to handle losing you even once Garrus." She pulled away.

"Well…I got to go…I've got an un-sated drell in life support that needs me…He's just layin there...waitin for me...all deliciously naked..." Shepard ran for the door just as she heard Garrus roar.

"Damn it Shepard!"

. . .

It had been several days since she had come clean to her crew and Shepard was finally making peace with what happened. She had just returned from a meeting with Anderson, well they had _called_ it a meeting, but it was more of an excuse to see one another and have lunch. She turned to her terminal to call Thane up to the Loft when her eyes caught a shiny yellow package on her desk. Upon closer inspection her mouth fell open. She quickly read the note attached to the box.

_Shepard,_

_I was told candy is a comfort when humans are depressed…I hope this helps._

_-Garrus_

Shepard examined the package again…a smile slowly spreading on her face. She opened the comm. for Life Support. "Thane…" Her smile widened at the sound of his voice.

"Yes Siha?"

"Meet me in the mess hall…I have something to show you…" It was very late on the ship, most of the crew was asleep…and Shepard was sure Gardner wouldn't mind…too much.

. . .

_Hisssssssssss…..POP!_ Garrus Vakarian growled as another pop from the mess hall woke him. It wasn't just the hissing and popping noises, someone was laughing and far too loudly. _Don't they know the crew sleeps down here?_ He wondered as he stood, stretching. He threw on a shirt and proceeded to go tell whatever naïve Cerberus employee was out there to go fuck off. The sight that awaited him caused him to pause.

Thane Krios was sitting atop one of the counters in the kitchen area, smiling at Shepard, who was standing in front of the microwave, laughing almost maniacally. He noticed she was holding the box of candy he had given her. He walked towards the kitchen, his sudden movement causing Shepard to turn in his direction. "Garrus! Thank you for the candy! Now come watch!" She waved him over and made him watch as she placed one of the candies in the microwave. Garrus had thought the candy strange but was assured by the shopkeeper that Shepard would like it. Personally he found the thought of eating little birds as really odd…even if they were made of sugar. Shepard turned on the microwave and Garrus Vakarian watched as the little yellow bird began to puff up, and then explode. Shepard let out a bark of laughter as she fell against the stove for support. "God you are the best Vakarian! I really needed this…" She popped a tiny candy bird into her mouth, smiling as she chewed. "This is seriously the best Garrus...Gods..." She giggled as she went to place another candy, this one pink, into the microwave. Gardner was going to be pissed…

As Shepard continued to giggle Garrus looked to Thane. The assassin was watching his mate intently, his smile widening every time Shepard laughed. Finally his eyes fell on Garrus and the two aliens shrugged. _Humans are weird…_

**AN2: The peeps go to my lovely friend Kittenseye, who's comment about the last chapter made me laugh, she is a truly remarkable writer and if you don't go check out her stories, particularly Come Out and Play, As the Hearse Goes Driving By, and of course Hammerhead(I'm co writing it with her :D) You are insane and should be committed :P, lol jk. Seriously though, the girl gets so few reviews and she is such a talented writer, I promise you will enjoy her stories :)**


	5. Hot Wheels

"Shepard," Garrus Vakarian was normally a very patient, level headed Turian. This was not the case when it came to the woman standing in front of him. Said woman smiled sweetly up at him, the picture of innocence. _Yea…_he thought _innocent my ass._ "Where did you get another Mako?"

Brina winked at him,"I know people."

She turned around and pulled the driver's door open. As her petite frame slid into the seat and slammed the door in his face, Garrus couldn't help but plead for mercy.

"Shepard-for crying out loud could we please not go through this again? I took the destruction of the first one as the only good thing that came out of the Normandy crashing." A muffled laugh could be heard from inside the vehicle. As the window slid down the commander's crimson curls burst forth and he was face to face with a smile he had thought dead to the world.

"Aw, come on Garrus, just one ride! Like old times!" He shook his head at her, noticing the drell assassin coming through the cargo bay.

"That's precisely why I hesitate commander!" He yelled through the glass. A hand was placed on his shoulder and he turned to find the drell examining the vehicle with a look of utter fascination on his face.

"What is this?" Thane asked.

"Hell on wheels" Garrus responded tersely. He remembered the rides he had been subjected to on the original Normandy and cringed inwardly. It was not an experience he had wanted to relive, but seeing a little of the old Shepard made him begin to change his mind.

"We used to take one out to explore new planets on the original Normandy, but this one now has a shuttle, so there is no need for a Mako." He kicked one of the tires experimentally. It was in pretty good condition. The only time he had liked the machine was when he had been able to tinker with it, riding in it though was another experience entirely.

The window rolled down again "Get in the vehicle Vakarian, don't make me pull rank." Her fierce expression froze when she saw their new guest and she all but threw herself out of the vehicle. It was then Garrus remembered that Thane had been gone for almost a week; another visit on the Citadel to make sure his son was thriving under Captain Bailey's command. He turned as his commanding officer leaped into the assassin's arms.

"I thought you said you were coming back tomorrow!" Shepard breathed against his neck, smelling him. God he smelled so good…

Thane laughed and set her back down on the ground, placing his forehead against hers "Surprise." he whispered.

Her smile widened as her hands slid into his jacket, caressing the sides of his torso as his mouth found purchase against her neck. She lost all knowledge of the world around her as Thane proceeded to drag her a few rungs down the evolutionary ladder, until she heard a not to subtle cough from behind her. She raked her nails down Thane's spine, gasping as his teeth nipped into her shoulder, definitely leaving a mark before tragically pulling away.

Garrus noticed her flushed expression, plus the assassin seemed to radiate smugness. "Alright, this is a goddamn battle ship not a copy of Fornax. Save it for your cabin."

Shepard eyed him wickedly as she walked to his side. "Are you jealous Vakarian?" He jumped as her hand found his backside. Immediately flustered he backed away quickly, wanting to get as far away from the cargo bay as possible. Shepard and Thane both proceeded to laugh at his face. "Christ Garrus, I was kidding, now get that sexy Turian ass into this vehicle or I shall drag you in myself. Don't be a pussy!" Garrus rolled his eyes; clearly his commander had spent way too much time with a certain insane biotic down in engineering. "Thane, come along?" She was practically hanging out the window.

The drell took her out stretched hand and began to nibble at her knuckles. "If that is what you wish Siha." He smiled against her skin as he felt her shiver. If it were up to him he would be dragging her to her quarters, a week was far too long to spend away from her.

"If I get in the Mako will you please stop with the affectionate bullshit!" Garrus was not about to go through the severe motion sickness and the possible cracking of his plates on top of having to watch them play kissy face every time he turned around.

Shepard laughed "Sure buddy, I'll try real hard to abstain." She sent a heated gaze at the assassin, "No promises though." Garrus sighed as he crawled into the truck, it was the best offer he was going to get, and took the back seat.

"Now why is Garrus so tense Siha?" Thane began the task of fastening the multi strapped harness across himself. Garrus smiled as he realized it was nowhere near enough to keep the drell from slamming into the windshield if Shepard took a sharp turn, which was almost certainly going to happen.

A slightly maniacal laugh issued forth from Shepard's lips as she strapped herself in. Gripping the steering wheel with unbridled glee she turned to her lover. "He says I drive like an adrenaline starved Elcor with an extreme lack of depth perception."

Garrus grunted in agreement. "Thane, she almost killed us every time we touched planet side, I honestly don't know how we survived…"

Shepard smiled and stroked the steering wheel lovingly. It was an action noticed by the drell sitting beside her, this was a big deal for Shepard, and it was something from her past. No matter how dangerous this adventure sounded if it brought him a glimpse of her old life, and her old self, he would take it gladly. They all fastened helmets on as instructed by Shepard, Thane thought it was for protection.

"Alright, ready gents?"

Garrus groaned and Thane nodded slightly. Shepard punched a button on the dash and the heavily accented voice of Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy came through the comm.

"Ready Shepard?"

The commander settled into her seat, "Yes Tali, you sure you don't want to come? It's not going to be the same without you…"

There was a long pause on the other end. "Shepard, do you know how unpleasant it is to throw up in this suit? Not to mention the time it would take to clean everything out… I think I shall pass." There was laughter in her voice and Thane was delighted to see his Siha's face free of pain and worry. The collectors could wait for a day.

Shepard adjusted her headset "Joker, you can drop us now. Everyone is aboard." There was no reply, just the hissing of the cargo doors opening to the world beyond the ship. Thane stared out the window as they neared the grey colored dunes. He then realized he had no idea where they were. He had known the Normandy had left the Citadel after picking him up, unknown to Shepard, but he had forgotten to ask about their destination.

There was a momentary clenching of his gut as the Mako was dropped to the surface. Garrus seemed to sense his reaction as he clamped a talon on the drell's shoulder, "It's only just getting started…"

Shepard maneuvered the Mako into park and instructed them to look up out of the skylight. Her voice had been in awe, which instantly drew the assassin to look at her face, not the sky. Sadly it was lost under the visor of her helmet, but he then looked up and immediately understood what was so captivating.

A perfect sphere of green and blue swirled between white spirals. Nestled against the blackness of space the colors all but popped out at them. It was a welcome change after the purples and oranges of the last star system they had visited. Thane was stunned by its simplistic beauty, and after a moment of respectful silence spoke "Where are we Siha?"

Shepard turned to him, lacing her fingers between his. It was difficult with gloves, but she managed. "This is Luna, and that up there is Earth."

Thane looked back at her in wonder. "You mean that is where you came from?" He wasn't surprised such a place of beauty produced the angel at his side.

"Yes." Shepard looked up at the planet, it had been hell for the most part, the Reds weren't the nicest of gangs after all…but it was her home.

"Alright, enough gawking!" She revved the Mako's engine.

"Spirits…" Garrus groaned behind her. Thane had thought the turian was simply being a tad melodramatic, but soon began to agree with him as Shepard slammed her foot on the gas. Thane was shoved back violently in his seat as they reached speeds he knew better than to contemplate.

"WOOOOOHHHAAAAAAAA!" Shepard cried as they flew off a dune, her hair actually floating up around her face as the Mako descended to the ground.

Garrus's talons gripped Thane's shoulder, "How you doing?" He asked casually, as if they weren't in an ATV being driven by a maniacal adrenaline junkie.

"This is…disquieting."

Shepard, foot still pressed firmly to the gas, turned to face him, "Aww, poor baby…don't pretend like you ain't loving this!" She twirled the steering wheel harshly, making the vehicle spin donuts into the moon's surface.

Thane couldn't help but smile as she grinned evilly, staring at Garrus in the rearview mirror. Waiting until the turian had finally let his guard down Shepard stomped on the brake. The turian's face slammed into the window. "Damn it Shepard!"

She giggled, "You know you love me." She smiled as Garrus re-situated himself.

"You're lucky I do…" Garrus said ominously. As Shepard began to floor it towards the next cliff Garrus Vakarian for the umpteenth time began to wonder why he had agreed to go, but as his eyes spotted Shepard's face, finally free of shadows and sadness left over from Lazarus, he knew the discomfort was worth it.


	6. Do not stand at my grave and weep

Shepard felt awkward as she flexed her toes in the sand. Staring out towards the setting sun of Kahje, she felt she did not belong. Thane was beside her, but her unease wouldn't leave. Glancing at Kolyat, Shepard felt her face redden.

The younger drell had a look of immense pain as he regarded the sky. Shepard saw his eyes shift; obviously lost in memories she had no place knowing. It had been her idea to come here and for that she was ashamed. She had no right to bring them this much pain, no right to demand they face this tragedy. She had known that the moment she had voiced her desire to Thane…but ever since her dream she had wanted nothing more than to come here. Just thinking about it brought the dream to perfect clarity in her mind.

_Shepard had found herself in the middle of what looked like a desert, albeit a dead one. The sand was the color of ash and the very air was stale with the stench of decay. Off in the distance she could just make out the jutting stones of ruins seeming untouched by any creature. She examined her surroundings with panic, realizing she was without weapons or any forms of defense save for her clothing._

"Be still Siha. You are safe." The voice was soft, comforting and Shepard found herself aching for it to continue speaking. As she turned back towards the ruins she came face to face with a drell. It was obviously a female. Her face was not as angular as Thane's, her frills were slightly longer and her body had more of a female build save for breasts. She was tall and slender, her frame reminding Shepard of most ballet dancers. Her scales were an iridescent gold that shimmered as she moved and the ribbing on her throat was a deep crimson red. The drell woman was so gorgeous Shepard wanted to weep at her perfection and began to wonder what in the hell Thane saw in her. It was then Shepard noticed the eyes. They were huge, almond shaped and instead of liquid onyx like Thane's, her eyes were a deep orange. Like a sunset…

"You're Irikah Krios aren't you?" The drell woman nodded and smiled.

"Yes, it is a pleasure to meet you." Shepard felt her skin flush, this was Thane's wife…

"I am sorry…" She didn't really know why she was apologizing for her relationship with Thane, it wasn't something she was ashamed of…but she felt like she needed to say it. Irikah shushed her and caressed her face.

"I am not!" She laughed, "Thane needs love; I would never begrudge him happiness." She gestured for Shepard to sit and once Shepard did she seated herself across from her. Irikah was dazzling in a simple black robe, it reminded Shepard of a toga, with thick gold ropes draped about her waist. Other than the robe she wore nothing, not even shoes.

"Where are we?" Shepard found herself asking.

"Rakhana" Came Irikah's reply, "I always loved visiting. Most of my people find the state of our planet eerie and depressing but I see the land for what it is. There is great beauty in death and it is this beautiful desert that brings you in touch with your own mortality." Shepard followed her gaze towards the multiple dunes that surrounded them.

"Why am I dreaming this?" She wondered aloud. Irikah laughed; the noise bringing the curve of a smile to Shepard's lips.

"What makes you think you are dreaming?"

Shepard stared into those sunset eyes filled with wisdom only death could bring.

"Well, last I remember I was staring at my fish listening to Thane snore and now I'm in the middle of a desert with a dead woman." Shepard winced as the blunt words fell from her mouth. She was not a soft woman and it showed far too much. Irikah laughed again and she felt her shoulders relax.

"Honesty is a rare thing in your species Siha; do not ever feel shamed for speaking your mind." Shepard's brow crinkled in confusion.

"Why do you call me that? Thane calls me that…" She knew he had called Irikah the same too, but didn't voice the thought.

"I call you Siha for that is what you are. A fierce protector." Irikah's face softened as she smiled and Shepard couldn't help returning it. It was obvious why Thane had fallen for her and again Shepard wondered why he saw anything in her. Shepard had always been considered a looker among her own people, but compared to Irikah it was like comparing a child's drawing to a Monet painting.

"You hold more beauty than you know." Irikah stated softly. "Thane is a man who sees more than what is in front of him. You have an inner force that shines through you; it's in the way you move, in your voice; you look as though anything is within your reach and it is that strength that drew him to you like a moth to the flame." She laughed as she gazed out towards the ruins, "My husband never stood a chance…"

Her face clouded in sorrow as she closed her eyes. Shepard hesitantly lay a hand on the woman's shoulder; unsure of what to do and feeling extremely guilty.

"I'm alright." Irikah replied shakily, "It isn't what you think." She took a shuddering breath and straightened. "I regret the pain I lay upon my family. I hate how my death has tainted my son, the life I forced my love to live. I made it my goal to keep him awake, to remind Thane that there is more than what lies within the scope of a sniper rifle, but I failed in the end.

"I am happy you are with my husband." Irikah was smiling again and Shepard found herself feeling like all would be right with the world as long as Irikah kept smiling for its radiance was beyond words. "I understand you feel slight jealousy towards me and it is understandable. I was his wife and he speaks of me as if I am a goddess but that is not true." Irikah clasped Shepard's hands as Thane had done many times before, "I held his heart lovely Siha, but it is you that holds his soul. Thane needs a woman who can fight at his side, that can protect those around her. He may be the best assassin in the galaxy, but even he needs protection. So do not doubt the power that you hold."

"I love him…" Shepard whispered.

Irikah nodded, "I know Brina and it warms my heart and gives me hope that all is not lost. It is your love that will keep Thane alive longer than any medicine." Shepard's heart constricted at the reminder of how little time she had with him.

"I don't know how I'm going to live on once he leaves me…" She felt Irikah's fingers lift her chin.

"Do not lose hope. He needs it."

Shepard nodded,"I have Mordin looking into it and if the salarian genius can't figure out anything I plan on swallowing my pride and throwing myself at the feet of the illusive man."

Irikah smiled,"That will prove to be an interesting conversation…"

Shepard laughed slightly, the sound strange to her own ears.

"Why are you here?"

Irikah took a long time to answer and Shepard got the distinct impression she didn't really know herself.

"I would hope my presence here grants you some peace in your already turmoil ridden life." She smiled and placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder, "You have many other fears to burden your mind, I should not be amongst them. You have my blessings...now let me go." Irikah did speak the truth, Shepard often thought the drell woman haunted her mind almost as much as she haunted Thane's.

"I'll try-but I know I can never take your place."

Irikah hugged her tightly, "Nor would you want to. Like I said-Thane needs a woman who can fight at his side." She pulled back, smiling. "I look forward to watching over you. Best wishes Siha."

Shepard jolted back from the memory to find Thane gripping her wrist to steady her.

"Are you alright?" He asked and she had to fight back the tears.

"I'm fine Thane… just remembering." She had tried her best to tell Thane what had happened, and he seemed more at ease, taking the dream as a sign that he was forgiven. Shepard knew he would never stop loving Irikah…but hopefully he would stop beating himself up over her death.

Shepard stepped up to Kolyat, "Would you mind if I said a human prayer? I've always liked this one. I recited it at my friend Ashley's funeral after Virmire." For once Kolyat did not look angry; instead of the twenty year old he was, Shepard only saw a lost little boy and she wished she could comfort him.

"I don't care what you say." He said, trying his best to sound indifferent.

Thane smirked at her, "I don't think I have ever heard you pray Siha…"

"Well this technically isn't a prayer Thane, it's more of a poem, but I use it as a prayer…" She looked out to the sea, thinking of when she had read the poem at Ashley's funeral as she began to speak, her voice taking on an almost musical tone…

_Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there, I do not sleep.  
I am in a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the softly falling snow.  
I am the gentle showers of rain,  
I am the fields of ripening grain.  
I am in the morning hush,  
I am in the graceful rush  
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,  
I am the starshine of the night.  
I am in the flowers that bloom,  
I am in a quiet room.  
I am in the birds that sing,  
I am in each lovely thing.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there. I did not die..._

**AN: The poem is Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep by Mary Frye.**


	7. Get well soon

Thane cringed slightly as he pulled his jacket back from his shoulders. It had been several days since he'd been shot, but his arm still ached. He was having trouble adjusting to the lights in the med bay as well, they were far too bright. While he waited for Dr. Chakwas to return he heard a soft, pitiful noise coming from one of the beds. As he turned to examine the figure lying on the table he heard the med bay doors whoosh open.

"Ah, Mr. Krios, ready for your exam?"

He nodded then gestured towards the other patient. "Who do we have there?"

The figure's back was to him, clearly female though. He noticed the woman tremble as though cold. He was amazed at the violence of the tremors through the small body; the whimpering was getting to him too. Chakwas gave him a worried glance and walked over to the patient.

Placing a hand to the forehead and sighing deeply, "Don't worry about this one Mr. Krios, she will be fine, she just has to ride out the symptoms until the sedative I gave her kicks in."

He nodded, but something about the woman under the blanket seemed familiar, so he continued to pry, "Who is it?"

Dr. Chakwas had a strange look on her face as she emptily replied, "Just a random member of the crew Thane, don't worry she will be fine." Thane's eyes widened as an all too familiar voice rang out from the tiny being.

"It's alright Chakwas; you don't have to lie for me." The woman turned over and Thane met the ashen face of his Commander. Brina Shepard cringed as another tremor broke through her and then she gave him a weak smile. "Hi Thane…"

He jumped off the table and walked over to her. "Shepard, I had no idea you were ill." Her smile grew at the sound of concern in his voice.

Thane turned to the doctor at his side "What happened?"

Chakwas rubbed her temples in frustration. "Apparently our Commander here is allergic to Collector weaponry. A neurotoxin released through their bullets made its way a little too far into her bloodstream so now the commander is suffering the consequences of not checking into the med bay upon re-entry of this ship."

Thane nodded remembering how Shepard had taken most of the hits on their way out of the collector ship. His eye ridges rose when he heard a slight growl from the figure on the table.

"I felt fine when I got back on the ship…"

Chakwas clucked at Brina as a soft ping erupted from the comm. on her desk. "Well, it would appear Tali also has an infection that needs tending to. I'm going to go down to engineering and see her. Thane, I'm afraid your exam will have to wait. Theirs take priority."

He simply nodded as she exited the room, his attention now fully focused on the one woman he never expected to see in this condition. Her whole body shook, causing a series of bangs against the table. It was obvious Shepard had no control over them, and was trying her hardest to fight them. He didn't like the grey color her skin had adopted nor the yellowish tinge to her eyes. Even her smell was off, and it bothered him more than he was comfortable admitting.

Her face was drawn tight into a grimace and as another tremor took hold she let out a small yelp.

"Shepard…" he started and her eyes flew open.

"I'm sorry, this just really hurts." She whispered. Her voice sounded small and vulnerable, like a child's.

Before he knew what he was doing his arms were around her, trying to give whatever comfort he could. He did not like this feeling of utter helplessness as he watched her struggle. She pushed her face into his neck and cried softly, she made no sound but he felt her tears against his sensitive skin. He clutched her to him more securely and put his face in her shoulder, murmuring soft words in his own tongue against her ear. They stayed like that for what felt like hours until Shepard finally became still.

It took Thane a moment to realize she was asleep. Not knowing what to do he lay her gently back onto her pillow and just stared at her.

In sleep her face was rounder, softer. Not as scary or intimidating. He reached out and ran his fingers through her crimson colored hair, which reminded him so much of fire. It was something he had been aching to do for a while now. Her brow creased as she began to tremble anew and he held her hand. As her body settled back down again he felt a strange sensation on his neck, it took him a moment to register that it was her lips. His eyes closed briefly before she pulled away.

She smiled sweetly up at him. "Thank you" she said sleepily, clearly only half conscious.

He examined her face for a long time before replying "You're welcome Siha."

She looked at him confused, "What did you call me?" Her voice slurred and he knew the sedative was beginning to kick in.

He chuckled, knowing she was too far gone to remember his words, "I called you _Siha_."

She cocked her head to the side, eyes half closed "That's a funny name…" she mumbled before falling asleep.

Thane watched as all the stress and pain melted from her features. "Someday I'll tell you what it means." He murmured, though she couldn't hear him.

Seeing that she was finally and truly knocked out, he retreated back to Life Support. He resigned himself to meditating, trying desperately to ignore the need to recall the perfect memory of her lips on his skin.


	8. Of pillows and jealousy

"Chakwas!" Shepard yelled as she fell against the Med Bay doors, she cried out as Thane caught her from sliding to the floor.

"Siha…" His normally raspy voice was even raspier with concern.

Dr. Chakwas appeared, "What the hell happened Mr. Krios?!" She exclaimed as she half carried the commander inside.

"Aeia held more complications than we had anticipated…" was all he offered. Shepard screamed as her body was rolled onto a med table. Chakwas began to cut the commander's under weave apart to get to her torso.

"Mr. Krios, I think it would be best if you left now…"

"N-no…" Shepard whimpered, gripping his wrist, "It's not like he hasn't seen me topless before." She offered a small laugh, feeling Thane's fingers tighten around her hand.

Chakwas heaved a tremendous sigh as she filled a needle, "A simple 'its okay for him to stay' would have been fine Shepard." She moved to inject the commander.

"Wait-What is that?"

Thane smirked as he contemplated how Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel, could be afraid of needles.

"From what my scans have picked up Commander, you have three cracked ribs, your leg is broken, and your left arm has been pulled out of its socket…this should put you out long enough for me to bind your ribs, set the leg, and re position your arm…"

"No." Shepard's voice reached near hysteria, "No, don't put me out I can handle it-don't make me sleep-please!" Shepard's eyes were frantic, and Thane was nearly undone by the panic evident in her voice. He had never seen her this scared.

"Alright commander, but this is going to hurt…a lot." Shepard nodded, gripping Thane's hand tightly. Chakwas looked up at the drell, "Mr. Krios, I'm going to need you to hold her down please."

. . .

"Siha…" Shepard opened her eyes, ear pressed to the drell's chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"Yes?" She felt her face pulled up towards his, her eyes closing again as he kissed her forehead.

"Why didn't you take the anesthetic?"

Shepard was silent for a long time, squeezing Thane's waist as she tried to form an answer. "I woke up for a few moments during Lazarus." She offered quietly.

Thane's hands froze momentarily, before resuming tracing patterns across her bare skin.

She continued on,"It hurt, everything was on fire and I couldn't breathe. It was way too early for me to wake up." She shivered involuntarily, remembering. It was the first time she had seen Miranda's face. The Cerberus woman had been screaming at Wilson that it was too soon. She remembered opening her mouth in a silent scream, her vocal chords far too weak to convey her agony.

Thane's hands brought her back to the present, banishing the shadows from her memories. "I'm alright now…" She said as she snuggled closer to him under the warm blankets of her bed. She had been moved back to the Loft, Thane had carried her, and thanks to Lazarus her healing was so advanced there was almost no pain now. "But I'm still scared I'll wake up too early under anesthesia. I'm more comfortable staying awake for the whole thing. I don't ever want to feel that helpless and trapped again."

While Thane still hated that her screams and tears were now forever burned into his memory, he understood why she had willingly gone through it.

Seeming to read his mind his Brina sat up, wincing, "I guess you should have left after all. I didn't mean to give you an unpleasant memory, you didn't have to stay…"

"Siha, I would have stayed even if you had begged me to leave."

She looked down at him, smiling, "There would have been no need to beg. I'd have pulled rank and you are still on my payroll. You have to obey me, your arm is mine. You said so yourself." She stuck out her tongue, "So there…"

He laughed, "What if I'd quit? You'd have no control over me then."

"It's still my ship."

He gave an exasperated sigh.

She scowled as her mind went back to Jacob's mission, "Anywho, that whole mission pissed me off…"

Thane's eye ridges rose, "You mean what happened with Lieutenant Taylor?"

"Yes. That fucking idiot of a Cerberus operative." Shepard growled as she moved back into Thane's embrace. "You would think he was capable of covering me, but no he had to go for the big heavy mech; wanting to play the hero. Meanwhile I end up in an all out brawl with five men twice my size who are all hopped up on testosterone and adrenalin and whatever fucking chemicals are in that freaky plant matter they ate." Thane tried to soothe her, but she was having none of it. "Damn it he needs to learn to watch my back!"

"In my opinion he watches your back far too intensely."

Shepard rolled her eyes, "Taylor? Please…" She gave an amused snort, waiting for Thane to laugh. When he didn't she immediately stopped her rant. The assassin was giving her a certain look; one she had become very familiar with from her time with Kaidan Alenko, "Well I'll be damned." She murmured.

Thane's expression changed to confused, "What?"

She smiled, "Thane Krios-are you jealous?"

The drell's eyes widened slightly, "Pardon?"

Oh he was good, an excellent poker face now, but Shepard knew better, "You're actually jealous!"

Thane scowled as she threw her head back and laughed, "You honestly think I'd go for Talyor-Cerberus Lieutenant Jacob Taylor?!" The bed actually shook with each spasm of her laughter.

"I do not see why this is so funny Shepard." Oh shit…

"So we're back to the last name now?" Her lips moved into a pout. "Fine then. You know Taylor wouldn't give me this kind of bullshit." Suddenly her face was full of pillow. She let out a very undignified squeal in surprise.

In fact her look of shock succeeded in breaking Thane's scowl, she knew he wasn't truly mad at her as he began to laugh.

"Oh it's on." She flung her pillow in his direction; to find he was no longer there-she hadn't even seen him leave… "

What the shi-AH!" a pillow from the couch smacked into the back of her head. "Damn it!" She cried, whirling around to find he had disappeared again. One of the pillows from her bed then nailed her shoulder, "Thane…I swear to God, Arashu, Amonkira, Kalihira-whomever the fuck you choose-you are gonna be sleeping on the couch if you don't quit this!" Another pillow whizzed past her head.

"Quit what Siha?" He was back in his earlier position, there had been no sound. The bed hadn't even registered the change in weight.

"How the fuck do you do that?!" she cried.

"Do what?"

"Ass…" She griped as she snuggled back into his side. She kissed his neck, over the most sensitive section of skin, smiling against him as she felt his shudder. "Don't be jealous, I want YOU, no one else."

"That is good to hear; though competition shouldn't really concern me that much…"

She laughed, "Why is that Krios? Are you that sure of your abilities?"

"No…I'd simply kill anyone who tried to steal you from me." The Loft was once again filled with her laughter, Thane quite enjoyed the sound and figured if it caused his Siha this much amusement, he'd be jealous more often.


	9. Just a dream

Shepard stared out into the ocean, it was beautiful beyond words, but it was wasted on her. She was not here for pleasure, for there would be no more in her life. He was gone…

"Shepard" She looked up into glassy blue orbs of light, the only things anchoring her to this god forsaken plane of existence. Garrus knelt before her, his turian face barely an inch away. "Shepard…don't leave us." She was already gone-no more Shepard-Good-bye. Lifeless red eyes stared blankly at her friend, not really seeing him there. Her cybernetic implants had begun to fracture and break through the skin as she had grieved. She truly looked like a cyborg now. Garrus's head went down as he heaved a tremendous sigh, followed by his shoulders shaking. "Damn it Shepard…" The voice was weak, pitiful, and the Commander did pity the turian.

Leaning forward ever so slightly she kissed Archangel's forehead, brushing her hands against his face, wiping away nonexistent tears, she didn't see them-he wouldn't show them to anyone. "Garrus…" Her voice was monotone and it broke his heart. He had tried to prepare himself for this, tried to make ready for the fact that when the drell died Shepard would too but in the end he wasn't ready at all.

"Garrus, look at me." Archangel raised his head to meet her dead gaze, it seemed even her cybernetic eyes had dimmed. "I'm still here, just…give me time please." A little life sparked behind the blood red orbs as Garrus took a shuddering breath.

"Shepard…" He rasped as she pulled him into an embrace.

"Shhhhhhhhh" She crooned as she hugged his head to her chest, allowing him to release his own sorrow against her. For so long Garrus had been her support structure…it seemed somewhat funny that it was at her lover's funeral that she became his.

Ebony silk and lace itched at her skin, the veil over her face making everything look darker and the fabric of her dress pulling and catching as she stood, taking the turian with her. Breath ragged she turned toward the body…wrapped in sea vines, weighted with stones. The Hanar sang, Shepard not understanding a word but knowing it was ethereal and ghostly. She found herself crooning back, following the tune with her weak human vocals…

She felt warm human hands slip into her own, but it felt wrong. No catching of roughened scales-it was far too smooth and way too soft,"Shepard…it's time." Chakwas's voice was thick from crying, her eyes rimmed in red. Shepard smoothed the tears away, kissing her cheek as she moved towards the body.

She couldn't see his face, couldn't see the beautiful emerald scales. It was for the best she knew, she wanted her last memory to be of how he was. Not dead, but full of life even at the very end. She bent towards the side of his head, smelling the salt of the sea on the vines, the tang of the embalming oils.

"I'll meet you across the sea as soon as I can…" She pressed her lips to the vines covering his forehead. "Wait for me okay?" She breathed as she pulled away.

Turning to one of the drell attendants she nodded. Three moved to slide her heart and soul into the ocean. Shepard cried out as if in pain when Thane's body fell into the deep.

Strong arms encircled her and she turned into Anderson's chest. She wanted to scream, wanted to lash out and hit something, anything…but most of all she wanted to fill her skirts with stones and follow Thane. Casting a longing glance towards the churning surf she felt her face pulled roughly away, staring into honey colored eyes lined with laugh wrinkles.

"Don't you even think about it child." Anderson's voice sounded more like a father's than a councilor.

"I don't know what to do now…" She whispered, feeling the liquid drip from her eyes, cringing at the stinging sensation;she had cried so much.

"Live on for Thane."

Shepard cast her eyes to Kolyat, the younger drell was glaring at the surf as if it were responsible for his father being dead. She was glad father and son had at least made peace with each other before Thane's death.

Shepard stood, stumbling towards the only thing keeping her from throwing herself into the ocean.

"Stay with us Shepard. I can't lose you again…not to this…" She fell into Garrus, clinging to him. She wouldn't leave Garrus-couldn't. She owed him too much. He had a life still at least. Hers was dead but she would wait until he had proper support before she followed Thane.

Shepard would fight the Reapers and save the galaxy, but once that was done Shepard would be long gone.

. . .

Shepard's eyes opened; the action painful. Her face felt puffy, and wet. She moved to breath and ended up sniffling, her sinuses completely clogged. She had been crying…in her sleep…about wha-oh-the dream.

The sleeping images shrouded her mind and in a blind panic she slapped the area of the bed next to her, crying out in surprise when her arm hit a scaled chest.

Obsidian eyes fluttered open at the rough contact, his name for her a whisper on his lips even though he wasn't really awake yet. She swore softly at having woken him.

Sliding her body closer to his own she sighed as his arms flowed around her, squeezing her. "Don't cry." He mumbled, kissing every part of her face he could reach without moving his head-the lazy bastard.

She snuggled into his neck, feeling him chuckle softly, the vibrations soothing.

"I'm not crying." She felt his hands slide up her back.

"You're stuffy and breathing through your mouth. That only happens when you are either sick with a cold or you've been crying."

Shepard swore again.

"It's nothing Thane just a nightmare…" Her voice broke; it wouldn't be a nightmare for long. Soon it would become reality.

Needless to say she wasn't about to tell him the details, even if he was determined to know. One of the greatest things she loved and hated about him was his nosiness, for she was just as bad. It wasn't out of a need to gossip; they just wanted to know the information.

God was on her side though, for he just kissed her neck and snuggled into her shoulder, murmuring about how it was only a dream and everything was alright before falling back asleep.

Shepard pulled him closer, an act she hadn't thought was possible but she managed it. Smelling his skin, listening to him breathe…there would be no more sleep. She didn't want a repeat of the dream. Thane was alive…for now at least.


	10. ME2: Smackdown

Brina Shepard could not believe it. She could not believe the sight in front of her was real, but her eyes had been built by Cerberus and nothing but the best was used to recreate her face. So what she was seeing had to be there…damn it.

Kaidan Alenko had changed a lot since their earlier encounter on Horizon. Same dark, brooding expression though…same goofy hair cut, honestly why had she dated him?

The Alliance Commander was seated in the middle of a café, sipping what looked like coffee while examining a data pad. She debated over her next course of action. Despite her immediate revulsion she was reluctant to turn tail and run. Shepard stifled a groan, all she had wanted was sushi…was that too much to ask? Shepard didn't think so, but she realized that Kaidan really hadn't noticed her…she could still get away…

Sadly, the universe was against her. The café was near closing time so there were only a handful of diners there including Kaidan and herself so when she moved for the door, it was noticeable.

"Shepard…"

_Damn it Arashu, why you gotta be like that?_ She was almost positive the drell goddess of motherhood and protection had never been spoken to in the fashion Shepard addressed her, but she figured the goddess had more important things to do than concern herself with Shepard, hence the predicament Shepard was in now.

"Alenko…" She spat in his general direction. Her former Lieutenant sighed heavily before dropping the data pad and standing. As he approached her Shepard made sure her body language screamed 'back the fuck off'.

"We should probably talk." He began, reaching out towards her hand.

"Any part of you that touches me you ain't getting back." She purred before walking towards his table and throwing herself into a chair.

"I guess I deserve that." He said bitterly.

"Damn right you do!" Shepard flinched at how loud her response had been, causing a few heads to turn in their direction. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to remain calm."

"It's alright, I just hope we can fix things."

Shepard felt her veins fill with ice. He wanted to…fix…things?

"Huh?" _Oh now THAT was intelligent Shep._

"I regret how we reunited on Horizon. I shouldn't have just cut you off. I mean I think things can work between us, you just need to get rid of Cerberus." Shepard's immediate bark of laughter was hard to stifle.

"You're kidding right?" Kaidan looked confused, which only made it harder to suppress her laughter, "My Gods…were you always this stupid or did the past two years affect your intelligence?"

He seemed mildly surprised for a moment. "I didn't know you were polytheistic Shepard."

"I'm not, but my religious beliefs are none of your business." Shepard couldn't quite remember when she had started addressing Thane's Gods. She'd never been religious and she technically wasn't now, at least her dedication to the drell faith was almost at the opposite end of the spectrum from Thane's.

"Alright…but Shepard, about Cerber-"

"Don't. Just shut it Alenko," Shepard was pissed, "Look, I tried the whole 'For the Alliance!' thing okay? I've given them my loyalty since I turned 18 and what did they do when I asked for help? They abandoned me, Kaidan. The Alliance, the Council…none of them are willing to do a damn thing about the reapers. Cerberus is my only option to get things done, the only group willing to help."

Kaidan Alenko glared at her over his coffee. She had just insulted his entire belief system. Shepard glared back, knowing she was in the right and Kaidan was just being an ignorant ass. He knew better than anyone the situation with the reapers; he had seen Sovereign up close and personal after all. Hell, he'd even spoken to the sentient machine.

"So that's it. You aren't leaving them, you really have betrayed the Alliance…"

Shepard felt her groan from deep within her chest.

"Seriously Kaidan, this whole betrayal thing is getting real old." She stood, ready to leave. If Kaidan was going to act like a whiny little toddler than she was getting the heck outta dodge.

"By the way…" Kaidan called out to her as she moved towards the door, "I had no idea scales did it for you. I find that interesting."

Shepard froze in mid step,"Excuse me?"

Kaidan laughed darkly, "It's all over the extranet. How the savior of the citadel, first human Spectre is screwing an alien. Emily Wong keeps trying to determine the wedding date."

Shepard felt if she clenched her teeth any harder they would shatter.

"That's none of yours or Ms. Wong's business…" She hissed menacingly.

"I hear those lizards-like the one you're screwing-get this horrible disease. What was the name of it?"

"Kepral's Syndrome" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them and she cursed herself; already she felt her chest flood with pain.

"That's right, does he have that Brina? I hear he was spotted at the med clinic a few days ago…"

"Yes…he has the disease." She turned towards him, hoping he would see how much he was hurting her; how sensitive an issue this was. Seeing the sadistic smile on his face though she knew he was going for revenge. He wanted her to feel his pain.

"Oh…so I only have to wait a few months then."

Shepard knew to retaliate could only land her in a C-Sec holding cell, but he had gone too far and the warp flew from her fingers before she could stop it.

. . .

Thane Krios stared out towards the drive core, nursing his second cup of coffee. He normally refused to drink the foul concoction, but Gardner was out of tea and he needed something to do while he waited for Shepard, meditation just wasn't doing it anymore…

She had been gone far longer than a supply run normally took. In fact getting supplies took no time at all. He'd accompanied her on her last one. All she had done was talk to the shop owner and directed the store to send her purchases to the ship.

Sighing heavily he checked his Omni Tool for the fifty-thousandth time that afternoon. Shepard had been gone for four hours-three hours longer than she said she'd be. For a normal person this shouldn't have called for so much stress, but Shepard was not normal. Being a few hours late could mean anything from she was just taking her time, to mercenaries had captured her and they only had seconds to rescue her back.

_+Ahh…hey, Krios…um…you might want to get up here.+_

Thane's eye ridges rose in surprise. The pilot never addressed him-avoided him at all costs.

"Is this about Shepard?" He looked towards the comm. speakers.

_+Yea…you need to see th-+_

Thane was in the elevator before the pilot finished his sentence.

"What is the situation Mr. Moreau?"

"Goddamnit!" Joker cried as Thane appeared right beside his chair.

"I apologize for upsetting you…"

The pilot readjusted his hat before turning back to the ship's monitors, "Whatever. Shepard's always complaining about how you sneak up on her, so I should have been expecting it. Anyway, I thought you would get a kick out of what our fearless leader has been doing."

Thane leaned over to get a closer look at the newsfeed the pilot had pulled up. He could see an Asian human with short black hair was speaking, standing in front of what looked like a disaster zone. It was safe to say the building was utterly demolished. He quickly refocused on what the reporter was saying.

"Earlier this evening sources say Commander Brina Shepard came in to the Golden Garden to grab a bite to eat, but ended up in a fight instead. Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko, allegedly a former lover of the human spectre, was also involved in the struggle. It is not known what the cause of the disagreement was, all that is known is that the Alliance soldier is in intensive care and the Spectre has been taken to C-Sec. We'll update you as soon as we receive more information. This is Emily Wong, Citadel News."

"How long ago did this happen?"

Joker looked up into the assassin's face, "Not too long ago considering the fires haven't been put out yet…"

Thane pulled up his Omni Tool, "Officer Vakarian…"

"Yea Krios?"

"Have you seen the news? I thought you were with Shepard?"

"We split up, I wanted to check out the new sniper upgrades and Shepard wanted to grab some Sushi before we left civilization. Why, has something happened?"

"Yes, head to C-Sec. I have a feeling we will need your connections. I'll meet you there." To say Thane was mad would be the biggest understatement of the galaxy.

"Damn…" Joker stated, shaking his head as he opened the air lock for Thane.

. . .

"She's back here Mr. Krios."

The drell followed behind Captain Bailey towards the holding cells. They weren't really allowed to arrest Spectres, but Shepard had injured an alliance soldier for almost no reason and injured him pretty badly, the paranoia after Saren Arterius had gone rogue was still going strong, so they were keeping her until they received more news about Kaidan Alenko's condition. If he died, they'd bring her before the Council. Thane's emotions on whether Kaidan Alenko lived or died were conflicted. He was trying to repent from his darker nature…but a small part of him was still debating on whether he had time to get Shepard back to the Normandy and slit the man's throat before they were scheduled to leave.

He followed Bailey down a long corridor, lined with floor to ceiling windows of the security entrance to the rest of the wards. He had tried to look for his son, Kolyat, until Bailey had tossed over his shoulder that the boy was on patrol with another officer. They'd left Garrus in the main room, talking with some old friends.

"Lucky for my men she came quietly. I'd hate to be on the bad end of that kind of aggression."

Thane nodded coolly in response, not really in the mood to chit chat.

When he approached her cell he found it harder to breathe, and he had enough difficulties in that department.

"Siha…" he murmured, barely above a whisper.

Shepard was curled up in the farthest corner of the cell, face turned to the wall. Her uniform was ripped and torn, spattered with small blotches of what looked to be blood and from the red glare around her face he knew her eyes had reverted back to their cybernetic state. She had received the facial reconstruction for her scars, but they could do nothing about her eyes, the red glare flaring whenever her temper went sky high.

"Thane." She turned to face him, defiant. Indeed her eyes held flames as she regarded him from her corner. Thane felt his hands tighten into fists and his jaw tense as he noticed the heavy bruising around her jaw and her nose… her nose was crooked. Kaidan had fought back. Thane couldn't stop the dark thought that slithered through his mind. _Alenko is a dead man…_

"What happened?"

Shepard unfolded herself from the bench and approached him, limping slightly, "Is Kaidan alright?" She didn't answer his question, instead addressing Bailey. The C-Sec captain nodded.

"Yea…he's just bruised up with several broken bones. Apparently he's in intensive care because the explosion caused a severe head injury, which then messed with the L2 implants. They're just monitoring him as a precaution."

Shepard nodded. "Am I free to go?"

Bailey's face softened slightly and he nodded, "Sure, go home girly."

"Thanks Bailey, I owe you way more than a card this time."

"Siha…"

She swatted Thane's hands away, before limping towards the exit.

"What is this about an explosion?"

"Thane, can we talk about this when we get on the ship? The walls have ears."

He nodded before pulling her arm over his shoulder so he could support her as she walked. To his shock she actually leaned against him. His anger flared, knowing that if Shepard was accepting his help without protest she was in a lot of pain.

. . .

"Shepard…" Garrus regarded her with shock. "You're bleeding."

Shepard thrust a hand out against the turian coming nearer. He had left C-Sec first, deciding to just meet them on the ship, while they had been held back by paperwork.

"It's Kaidan's."

Garrus reared back in shock, before his mandibles flared in a turian smile.

"In my opinion Commander, the bastard deserved whatever you gave him. Well done."

Shepard smiled slightly before turning her head into Thane's neck, "Get me out of here please…" She whispered.

Thane maneuvered her through the crowded CIC and into the elevator. Leaning her against the far wall he moved to press the top floor button.

"I thought you'd take me to the med bay…" Shepard said; confused.

"No. Chakwas shall come to you. I already informed her you were injured."

Shepard nodded. Her lack of protest was beginning to frighten him. Getting Shepard medical treatment was as difficult as convincing the quarians that the geth were friendly.

The elevator doors slid open and Thane gestured for her to leave first. "Thane…" It sounded like she was struggling to talk, "I can't move on my own." Her muscles were on fire; her amp sending small, electrical pulses down her spine. She had overdone it with the biotics majorly and she was now paying the price in extreme exhaustion and immense pain.

Thane picked her up as gently as possible, flinching slightly when she yelped. He placed her on the bed, being careful to help her sit up. Shepard watched his face as he undid her jacket, sliding it off her shoulders easily.

"You're angry…"

_Siha states the obvious well..._

"Yes." His reply was harsher than he intended. His eyes slid closed as her hands caressed his face. He felt her lips ghost over his own for the briefest moment.

"Are you angry with me?"

He looked her in the eyes, finding concern amongst the glaring red cybernetics. Most could not maintain eye contact with her when she looked like that but Thane had never cared, almost immune to her physical intimidations.

"Of course not."

She gave a small smile before kissing him again. As he pulled away he noted the strange sight of the red bleeding from her eyes, revealing her usual espresso colored gaze.

"I'll explain when Chakwas leaves okay? I'll be alright, so calm down."

He pressed his forehead to hers before standing to throw Shepard's ruined jacket into the garbage bin; it was damaged beyond repair.

The doctor came and went. Chakwas stated that Shepard's nose was broken and she had minor bruising but other than that her pain was mainly due to multiple strained muscles and an over use of biotics. Staying in bed for awhile would fix that, along with a minor painkiller. After fixing the Commander's nose and watching Shepard take her medicine, Chakwas left the two alone.

"Now, Siha…explain."

Shepard sighed, before holding her arms out to him. He crossed his arms in response, causing her to pout. Laughing slightly he acquiesced to her invitation, removing his jacket before sliding into bed beside her.

"I just wanted some sushi damn it." She said as she snuggled into his side, "Kaidan was already there and we…talked." The way she said 'talked' indicated otherwise. He looked down at her, raising one eye ridge.

"Well, I tried to talk, but Kaidan decided to be an infant. He said a few things he shouldn't have…" Her voice broke and Thane lifted her face concerned at the barely concealed emotion.

"He just reminded me of something I don't like to think about and I snapped. I threw a warp at him that sent him flying and he retaliated in kind. I used my biotics to throw a table at him and he sent a chair back. That's when we resorted to fists. I was just so damn angry and he was livid from the table hitting him in the back. After a few well thrown punches we went back to the biotics and apparently the restaurant's kitchen wasn't up to code standards and a fuse blew, causing a small explosion." Shepard's pause was far too long.

"What next?"

"The building went kaboom and here we are…"

Thane caught that he was missing something,"What's bothering you?"

"I really didn't hold back Thane. I mean my biotics were pretty advanced before Lazarus and I know the project enhanced my abilities further. Besides that Kaidan is a Sentinel, he's got nothing against an Adept, so I injured him severely. When we heard the hiss before the blast he actually threw himself between me and the source of the explosion."

Thane raised an eye ridge, "Did he now?"

"I know. It shocked me too before I blacked out."

"I suppose giving him a slow, agonizing death is now out of the question."

Shepard laughed, kissing his bare shoulder,"Yea. Though I'm no saint, if you wanna rough him up some more-you know-add on to my already stellar work, I got no problems with that."

Thane chuckled softly as he massaged her back, "Sleep Siha, you need to rest."

Shepard groaned into his neck, the sensation was strange to say the least.

"How do you always know when I'm sleepy?"

One of his hands went to stroke her hair,"Call it a gift…that and you keep yawning."

Shepard was actually in mid yawn when he replied.

"Alright…I'll sleep." He moved to get up, wanting to give her peace. The relationship was still fairly new and while they had indeed fooled around, he had yet to stay over.

"Thane…" She grabbed his wrist, wincing at the pain.

"Yes?"

Shepard looked up at his face, remembering Kaidan's words. S_o I only have to wait a few months…_

"Siha?"

She shook her head free of the grim thoughts.

"Will you stay tonight?" Thane's expression was thoughtful for a moment, debating. They had both been hesitant to move too fast…but it was obvious she was upset about what happened.

"If that is your wish." He said as he removed his vest, she curled up in his arms and fell asleep. Thane watched her face soften, pleased at the stress melting from her features, before falling asleep himself.


	11. Paragon Poetry

Shepard flipped her terminal's screen the bird. The damn thing just would not work right. Plus she had no idea who might be reading her messages and she hated that she could never respond. There was really no point to reading them, in fact she had stopped. The only ones she bothered to glance at now were the encrypted orders from TIM, and that was only because Kelly wouldn't leave her the fuck alone until she did.

Sighing heavily she glared at her fish, realizing she hadn't fed them. Standing, she stretched before punching the feed button and stepped down the stairs towards the living area.

She stripped and dressed for sleep. Instead of her normal sleep wear she slid into a pair of cotton shorts and a ratty old t-shirt that was five times too large. She was recovering from an intense fight with her ex and she wanted to be comfy damn it.

Glancing around the room she found she felt strange, kinda empty, and it was then the commander realized she was lonely. It was a strange emotion, one she hadn't experienced since she was a kid.

Thane was off speaking with Kolyat, or meditating. Shepard had actually attempted to meditate with him before she was banished for fidgeting. Shepard caught herself fiddling with the hem of her shirt and huffed, she'd never been able to stand or sit still for very long and Thane knew that…_Jerk face_ she thought.

Garrus would no doubt be calibrating, his favorite hobby, which freaked her out a bit. Just what was so great about firing algorithms?

Shepard plopped down onto the couch, pulling a small notepad onto her lap and grabbing a pen from the coffee table. Normally she used data pads but occasionally she found it comforting to resort to the old ways, archaic as they may be.

She had spoken with Kasumi earlier that day about how stressed she was becoming. She had woken to find her eyes flashed red under the fluorescent light and it had scared her. Chakwas had assured her it was simply the aftermath of her fight with Kaidan, her implants were all fired up and over powered, but Shepard still remembered the scarred, glowing cyborg reflected in the blood spattered windows as she had run through the Cerberus base. She would sometimes catch glimpses of that face whenever she looked in a mirror, before she'd blink and see who she really was…

Kasumi had suggested the Commander write her worries down, but Shepard was never one for keeping journals. She could sure as hell start them, but they'd all end up in the same place…abandoned in a desk drawer. Tapping the pen against her teeth she remembered Kasumi saying that to alleviate her own stress, Kasumi usually wrote Haiku poems. Shepard stared at the note pad, wondering if she were capable of that kind of thing. _Poetry…hmmm…_

She wondered what the poem should be about, but there was only one thing on her mind at the moment and she had to be careful because she was still recovering from her first biotic freak out. Her amp always gave her a head ache whenever she over did it biotic wise, she'd never had that problem and it made her think of the one other biotic she knew who had…

Remembering the 5/7/5 syllable rules for Haiku Shepard began to write.

_I'm an idiot  
Never thought he would betray  
Kaidan is a bitch_

She laughed darkly; Kaidan was indeed a bitch, one she'd like to punch right in his little bitch face. The sting in her eyes told her the relaxation method was beginning to fail. She wished Wrex was still on the ship, nothing wore her out more than sparring with Wrex, she missed him. He may have been one of the toughest Krogan Battle masters she had ever met but she had soon discovered his little secret. Underneath it all, if you really got to know him, Wrex was just a big 'ole softie.

_I miss Wrex's laugh  
Towering strength at my back  
Lucky Tuchanka_

Great, now she was depressed. She gazed up towards the window above her bed, and felt the bitterness tighten her gut as she recalled how much the collectors had taken away from her, all those she had called friends. Only a few had stuck by her when she had needed them. Kaidan's betrayal had been the worst by far, not because she had loved him or anything but because before Illos she had considered him a close friend, second only to Garrus and watching him walk away had cut deep and made her for the first time regret one of the worst decisions she had ever had to make…Torfan included.

_So many regrets  
By my hand she is gone  
Come back to us Ash_

Shepard bit her lip until it bled; only allowing a few tears to escape. She was done crying over Ashley. She missed the soldier every day, but she was done crying. Ash would have slapped her silly for it by now.

Garrus actually had and Shepard smiled at the memory. She had locked herself in her cabin for several days as they made their way back to the Citadel. She had been miserable and the turian was the only one allowed to talk to her, because he understood, had actually ordered men into dangerous situations before…

Kaidan had been pissed. Not because she had let herself go, no that would require him to be a compassionate human being. Instead he had wagged his finger in her face and accused her of picking him because they were involved, and it had made her feel worse, because even though she hadn't…that had affected her decision.

When Garrus had finally gotten through the door she was drunk off her ass. She had thrown most of the bottles at the wall, sitting amidst the shattered glass, legs and ankles bloody from tiny cuts. Garrus had taken one look at her before storming into the middle of the room, pulling her up by the scruff of her shirt and slapping her clear across the face.

"SNAP OUT OF IT SHEPARD!" He had roared in her face. She recalled the fight they had had after sparing Sidonis and honestly if it hadn't been for Thane she doubted she'd be talking to the turian now. Next to Thane, Garrus was her rock. The support she fell back on when everything failed and though she was bonded to Thane as much as one possibly could be, Garrus had been with her almost from day one of the Reaper dilemma and no one else but Tali shared that bond with her now.

_Loyal to the end  
Vengeance is not his color  
Garrus shall be safe_

Shepard felt warmth creep into her ice cold bones, if it weren't for Garrus and Thane she'd be dead. Speaking of the second…

The doors hissed open and closed immediately, but otherwise there was no sound. Shepard smiled, preparing…

His light kiss to her temple did cause her to jump slightly, but she had come a long way from screaming whenever he did that.

"Siha, you are improving…" He almost sounded sad and it caused her to emit a very girlish sounding giggle. _I need to be slapped if I ever do that again…_

"It still scares the hell out of me…" She murmured. Thane's hands slid down her shoulders as he kissed the top of her head.

He was improving too. Affection had been a tad weird for them at first, he had never seen a human in that kind of light and she'd _never_ seen aliens as attractive before, but a certain Salarian scientist had decided to take matters into his own hands and as Thane nipped at her shoulder Shepard was having a hard time being irritated at the invasion of her privacy.

As he nipped at the back of her neck, hands sliding over her belly she came up with another Haiku, one in tribute to the alien that had made her pleasure possible…

Her handwriting was a tad unsteady, as the poem was hastily scribbled before she threw the notepad across the room and almost leaped onto the drell.

_Hamster on coffee  
Embarrassingly nosey  
Mordin is genius_


	12. Omega Business

"Siha…"

"mmmf…"

"Siha…you must awaken…"

"mmmfffuuuck…yoo"

"As much as I'm sure you would enjoy it I prefer you conscious during that particular activity."

"mmmmngdammit."

Shepard opened one eye, spotting a blur of green directly beside her head, opening the other as the green blur materialized into a very delicious looking drell assassin.

"Whut time is it…" She slurred wearily into the pillow jammed in her face. Thane ran his hand down her arm soothingly, smiling slightly as her eyes closed and she emitted a soft hum of appreciation. He hated having to wake her…she hadn't slept for two days and even now had only managed to remain unconscious for six hours…if the dark smudges under her eyes got any darker they would almost appear drell like.

"It is time for you to get up…we are about to dock at Omega and I'm sure Aria T'Loak has a few words for you." Shepard's groan was probably heard down in engineering.

"I don wanna talk to Aria…" She whined into her arm. Thane chuckled as he ripped the sheets from her body.

"Damn you…jerk face…damn omega…filthy shithole…damn Aria…stuck up pirate bitch…" Shepard continued to insult his appearance, the ship, her closet, her fish…and many other objects, people, and locations as she shambled towards the bathroom.

Smirking at the closed door he sat in her desk chair, checking to see if Kolyat had written to him since he'd last looked through his messages. He was quite pleased with Shepard's private terminal…he was pretty sure Tali'Zorah had hacked into it, deleting all spyware Operative Lawson had had installed. This meant he could communicate with his son in private. He was still careful though, he didn't completely trust any technology from Cerberus, no matter how often the quarian tech expert tinkered with it.

"Morning handsome" A soaking wet Shepard sang as she passed. She was dressed in nothing but a towel and he found the view quite pleasing as she strode to her closet.

"Did you sleep well Siha?" He asked as he shut down the terminal. Shepard had dropped the towel as she had begun to pull the pieces of her armor free of its locker. Thane tried not to stare but it was hard…his body was almost fully refusing control in this matter. Seeing his wandering eyes Shepard smiled, before striking a pose.

"Yes, but not nearly enough…" Her last bout of insomnia had arrived after their last mission went south…They had found another Prothean artifact…and as soon as Shepard came into contact with it she had collapsed, much to his horror, and convulsed. The Prothean artifact began to hum and when it looked about to explode the thing faded to black and Shepard came back.

Thane shoved the memory of the first evening of nightmares away…those nights were ones he would forget instantly if he could. Even as he watched her smile at him the echoes of her screams rang through his head.

"Something wrong?" She was beginning to read him like a book…and he was perfectly fine with that surprisingly. She had gone back to assembling her armor…much to his disappointment, but there really wasn't time for them to do anything anyway…

"I am fine…you need to hurry…" Shepard turned towards her clock, under weave half on and swore violently.

. . .

"Shepard…" Aria T'Loak, boss, CEO…Queen if Shepard was feeling dramatic, of Omega purred as the Commander ascended the stairs.

"Aria…always a pleasure…" It was a lie and they both knew it. Shepard enjoyed conversing with Aria as much as she'd enjoy gouging her eyes out with rusty spoons.

Despite Shepard's unwillingness to speak with the Asari, she had to admit she held a grudging respect for the woman. Aria had arrived on Omega with nothing but the clothes on her back and through determination, cunning, and sheer force of will had managed to crawl all the way to the top of the criminal heap.

There was no titled ruler of Omega…but nothing occurred on the space station without Aria's knowledge of it, and while Shepard highly disliked the evil that occurred she had to admit Aria did a good job of keeping things neutral and just controlled enough to avoid utter chaos and ruin. Shepard didn't think there was a better person for the role…

Lounging across one of the chairs nearest to Aria, Shepard examined the guards.

"Sooo…whatcha need from lil ole me?" She asked casually. Few were allowed to converse with Aria in this manner, and Shepard milked her position of power for all it was worth.

"I am in the unpleasant position of neutrality again…and I need someone taken care of…"

"So what…you askin to borrow my assassin?" Thane materialized out of the shadows just behind her, causing the batarian watching her to flip his shit.

Aria raised one tattooed eyebrow, glancing at Thane before turning her attention back to the Commander.

"Nooo…I'm asking to borrow _your_ particular services."

"And what services are those?"

If looks could kill, Shepard would have been a pile of smoldering ashes. She was forcing Aria to vocally admit that she needed help.

"I need you to act on my behalf Shepard…you're help in this issue would be most…_appreciated_." She pronounced 'appreciated' quite bitterly and Shepard came to the conclusion that to push her luck any further would be a very stupid move on her part.

"So what's the job?"

"There is an agent of the Shadow Broker present in my club…though he's not very good and not worthy of my concern…I would feel better if he slipped loose of the mortal coil."

"Why exactly do you think he needs to die?" Aria gave her what could best be described as a 'duh' stare.

"He works…for the Shadow Broker, I certainly hope Project Lazarus didn't remove vital brain material…"

Shepard ignored the jibe, "I understand it is a security concern Aria…I just simply wonder as to why you want him dead as opposed to simply leaving this station."

Aria leaned back in her seat, exchanging a look with the turian guard sitting near her. He was not dressed in armor, and the two appeared to be close…though it wasn't obvious and Shepard would never have noticed if she and Thane weren't the same way.

"This is the fourth agent I've discovered this month…most don't escape my notice for more than a day…but I want to send a message to the Broker…he needs to keep his spies away from me." Her voice had become a sinister hiss.

"I'm not in the habit of doing that kind of dirty work Aria." Shepard was a soldier…not a mercenary or assassin.

"Shepard I am not asking you to kill a blessed innocent, victim of the times agent here…the man is a thug and has killed many people since he arrived…" Aria's brow became furrowed and something akin to pain shadowed her face for the briefest moment. This was serious…

"He has taken a fancy to my dancers…a sick and twisted fancy." Aria didn't need to continue…Shepard understood what she was implying. Judging by the look of pure hatred in Aria's eyes Shepard guessed the woman wanted the agent dead for more than just sending a message.

"So how shall I accomplish this? I'm guessing I can't just draw my gun in his face and pull the trigger…" Aria shook her head.

"No you can't…if people heard me killing agents for no good reason they would consider me afraid…and I am not afraid of _anything_." Shepard knew that was a lie but respected Aria's need to remain strong in her people's eyes.

"If I may suggest…impersonate one of the dancers…capture his attention…and when he gets you in his private rooms…" She gestured towards Shepard's Carnifex.

"Hmmm…so I'll need to snag a pole dancer…" Shepard smirked at Thane as she pulled up her Omni Tool.

"Miranda I'm gonna need you to meet us on Aria's floor of Omega…"

. . .

"What is it Commander?" Miranda preened as she ascended the stairs. The woman seemed incapable of a simple walk…and as Shepard looked at the operative's choice of footwear she figured it was impossible _not_ to strut about.

As she examined Miranda's Cerberus catsuit Shepard grinned, Miranda was the perfect woman for the job.

"I need you to perform a service Miri, one you are not going to enjoy…but it needs to be done." She tried to erase all humor from her face. This was serious…but the look on Miranda's face when she found out the specifics was going to be _priceless_.

"What is that Commander?"

"I need you to impersonate a stripper."

"….."

"Miranda…?"

"You can't be serious Commander…"

"As a heart attack Miri." Shepard responded in a sing song voice.

"For what purpose?"

"Aria needs a particularly slimy shadow broker agent taken care of away from eye witnesses and this is the best way to infiltrate his private quarters." Miranda's face paled several shades at what she was being asked to do…and Shepard enjoyed her uncertainty a little more than she wanted to admit.

Miranda seemed to notice the amount of pleasure Shepard was experiencing at her expense…and an evil glint shone in her eyes. The operative smiled and it was then Shepard remembered Miranda had spent two years finding out every little piece of information about her life for Lazarus…

"But Commander…surely it should be you that performs for the man…I mean you're the one with _experience_ in that line of work…" Yep…she had gone there…

Bowing her head and closing her eyes Shepard addressed her new least favorite squad member. "Miranda…if you ever use that kind of info about my past to weasel out of a mission again I swear to all Gods…human or drell, that I will air lock you in a moment's notice…" Her hands shook, and her eyes flashed white as she suppressed her biotics. The sting from her amp causing her body to tremble.

A warm hand squeezed her shoulder, calming all anger with the contact.

"Siha…" Thane murmured.

Shepard heaved a tremendous sigh before straightening and addressing Aria, who looked quite amused.

"What time do you need me?" Aria's eyes widened in surprise as she pulled up her Omni Tool.

"I'd say in about three hours Commander Shepard…I'll have a costume sent to your ship."

. . .

"Siha…"

"I was a dancer in the Reds okay? It was the best way to gain safety…the streets were fun and all but dancing brought in more cash than killing."

"I did not demand an explanation from you; I simply wanted to know if you were alright."

"No…I'm not."

She turned into Thane's waiting embrace, soaking in as much comfort as possible before moving to open the package that had awaited her once she stepped onto the Normandy. Aria really wanted this guy gone…

"I started when I was sixteen and endured being pawed at by filthy thugs and gangsters for two years until I couldn't take it anymore…I'm not too fond at having to do this again…"

"You don't have to do anything…" Thane stated, pulling Shepard's hand away from the box and holding it in both of his own. "We can refuse Aria and be gone from here before she can give chase."

"No…I-I can't do that…"

"_Cain! Where's Matilda?" _

"_Hey sweetheart…haven't seen you for a couple days…" Wispy copper strands swished against barely covered shoulders as she passed the bouncer. She had refused to sleep with Jager…he had not been pleased…after spending two nights in the sewers, Brina was ready to face the music…anything to avoid getting killed. Survival…survival was everything here. She needed to find Matilda…Matilda hated her guts, but they had struck an alliance together…Brina watched her back as long as Matilda guarded Brina…whores needed to stick together in dens of evil like this one._

"_Been lying low…took on too much heat from the boss, anyway screw the chit chat where the fuck is Mattie?"_

_Cain's face fell ever so slightly, "I'm 'fraid Jager used her as a substitute when you left…he was a tad too rough…" He mimed breaking his own neck._

_Brina fell against the wall, ignoring the pinch of her corset as she tried to breathe. "Matilda's…dead?" _

"_Yea lovie…took one hell of a beating to take her down…"_

_Brina felt herself begin to hyperventilate…the air seemed to freeze around her and for several moments she felt her lungs constrict to the point where breathing was next to impossible. Matilda was dead…gone…never to be seen again…because of her own selfish cowardice. Looking back at Cain she turned to examine her surroundings. Why was she still standing here? Jager wanted her dead…if he was that harsh in his treatment of another whore…he was gonna do even worse things to her…_

"_It's my fault…" She murmured as she stumbled towards the exit. Cain did not make a move to stop her…a moment of mercy in his usually cruel life._

"_It should have been me…" Brina felt the tears hot on her face as she leaned against the front of the building._

_Men's laughter floated through the air, caressing her face. Turning in the direction of the noise she spotted two Alliance recruiters further down the alley. They had been combing through the lower societies…desperate for more recruits._

"_It should have been me…" Brina whispered as she ran towards the blue uniforms._

"_Hey!...You guys! Wait up!"_

"This is just something I have to do Thane…"

. . .

"Hey Kolyat!"

Kolyat lifted his head from the desk Bailey had had him sitting at for the majority of the day…community service was an absolute _bitch_. Three drell were approaching him.

"What?" His reply came out far harsher than his visitors were expecting.

"Whoah…chill out! Man…you definitely need to get out…" He turned his gaze towards one of the only other Drell on the Citadel. He couldn't deny the guy was right…

"What did you guys have in mind?"

"Omega…friend of mine works there…I know someone else who can get us a shuttle." His voice was filled with pride.

Zio was short for a drell…barely coming up to Kolyat's shoulder…but he made up for his lack of height in ego and Kolyat was only able to stand his narcissism in small doses.

"How long you planning on staying?" Zio shrugged.

"The majority of the evening I guess? Not all night…damn, I may be reckless but I'm not completely stupid…"

_That's a matter of some debate…_ Kolyat thought bitterly. He pondered the idea for a moment…it would require sneaking away from C-Sec…but he was pretty sure he could do it…and it would piss off both Captain Bailey _and_ his father…killing two birds with one stone.

"Sure…but you're going to have to sneak me out…" He looked down at his C-Sec uniform.

A bundle of leather was thrown in his face, Kolyat catching it out of pure reflex. He recognized the black and blue design as his own clothes…they must have run by his dorm on their way to the C-Sec offices. Zio's smile was smug.

"I figured that, don't worry…we got you covered."

. . .

"Aria…if it weren't for the fact that killing you would result in complete and utter chaos on this station…you'd be dead by now."

The Omega Queen's low, throaty laughter sounded over Shepard's shoulder. "You have to admit it fits you rather well considering you aren't an Asari…"

Aria was right…the costume fit…like a second skin, even though she was nowhere near as curvy as an asari dancer... Tight black leather constricted her movements as she twisted and turned in front of the mirror. Aria had taken the liberty of altering the usual uniform worn by Omega strippers…

She'd obviously cut the catsuit in half, leaving the pants alone thankfully…but cutting huge sections of leather out of the top…and it was already revealing to begin with. Tiny silver studs had been etched into the lining of the outfit…and they glistened in the harsh strobe lights of the club.

"Why did you hack this thing to pieces? It showed enough skin…" Aria was suddenly behind her, looking at her reflection over the Commander's shoulders.

Aria herself was quite beautiful, especially for an Asari. Almost all Asari looked identical to Shepard…but Aria was different. It wasn't just physical either…there was an aura of power that radiated off of the woman. Shepard could see why Omega had agreed to follow her.

"I want to make sure you catch his eye Shepard…you cannot fail."

"I won't…count on it." She moved to leave before a thought struck her.

"Wait…I'm the savior of the galaxy…my face has been run across the extranet for years now…he'll recognize me."

Aria shook her head, rolling her eyes. "That's what this is for Shepard…" She extended what appeared to be a Marti Gra mask towards the commander. It was black, and glittered as it shifted in the light.

"I asked you to do this tonight for a reason…I'm hosting a masquerade."

. . .

"Spirits Shepard…" Garrus looked stunned into silence. Shepard raised her arms, swiveling her hips as she turned.

"Do I look hawt or whut?" She joked, noticing Thane looked like he was about to faint.

"It's adequate I suppose…" Miranda drawled from her seat in Aria's room.

"If you wanted to be the center of attention Miri you should have accepted the job…" Shepard smiled as Miranda flipped her off.

Feeling a tug at her elbow she turned to find Thane gesturing towards a darkened section of the room. She followed, allowing her body to be pulled close. She was a tad anxious, and the smell of leather and Thane did wonders to calm her frayed nerves.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked her, holding her chin so she had to look in his eyes.

"I'm sure Thane…" He sighed, seeming sad.

"I do not like having to share the sight of you…" Shepard smiled at the hints of jealousy the assassin was unconsciously giving off. Her hands moved into his jacket, sliding up his back before raking her nails across his shoulder blades.

"That doesn't mean you won't enjoy the show…" She purred. For once Thane didn't soften under her ministrations… he was really upset.

"Thane…" She hugged him close, trying to comfort him. "I'm not going to get hurt…"

"You've had shadows in your eyes ever since this mission was assigned." Realization dawned on her…he knew she was keeping something from him…he knew she was hiding the real reason for this.

From day one Thane had made sure to be completely open with her whenever possible…and she had failed to do the same for him…she'd hurt him.

"I'll explain everything when this is over…" His dark eyes nictated several times.

"You owe me no explanations Siha."

"Yes I do…I didn't explain because it's not a happy tale…and it makes me look bad…" She pressed her face into his neck, and knew she was forgiven when his arms embraced her.

"Just know that this is a way for me to atone…for past deeds not done…I'm sure you can understand that." She felt him sigh as he squeezed her waist before releasing her. As she moved away he stopped her again, giving her costume a very significant once over. A small, yet undeniably wicked smile appeared on his face as he bent to whisper in her ear.

"Siha, when this mission is over and done with…" His tone sent shivers across her skin.

"Y-yes?"

"Keep the outfit."

. . .

"Damn this shit is strong!" Kolyat laughed as Zio gulped a small shot of Ryncol. He was going to pay for that later…

"It's meant for Krogans you know." Kolyat chided. They had both been ditched by the other two drell…who had chickened out on the citadel.

"I don't give a fuck…I can take it." Kolyat nodded, not believing it for a second…

Omega had turned out to be quite interesting, and Kolyat figured the stress and anxiety of sneaking out had been worth it. The theme had something to do with masks, and everyone was dressed their best. He had declined a mask upon entry, but Zio was sporting one…the face of the creature was something called a 'dragon'…whatever the fuck they were…honestly save for the muzzle, the thing looked similar to a drell, so Kolyat guessed it was an appropriate mask for his friend.

"Sooo…what do you think of the dancers huh?" Zio gestured towards the stage, and the many Asari dancing on it.

"What about them?" Kolyat huffed. Zio made a surprised sound,

"You don't find them attractive…at all?" Kolyat shrugged, he hadn't thought much about it…

"Eh…they're okay…I guess…never really considered Asari."

"Why not? Drell ladies are so stiff and straight…Asari have curves…" He stated as he made an hour glass motion with his hands. Kolyat shrugged again.

"Still…never have really considered other species…"Zio appeared to not have heard him, he was staring over Kolyat's shoulder…from what Kolyat could see of his face his mouth was hanging open, eyes all aflutter.

"Damn…." His voice sounded almost hoarse.

"What?" Kolyat asked before turning around.

A new dancer had emerged from the back of the club, and it appeared to be a human, though he could only tell from the skin color…

Kolyat had also never seen humans as attractive either…but as this one flowed across the stage, the picture of grace as she moved to the rhythm of the music…he could definitely see the appeal. Zio seemed head over heels anyway…

"Close your mouth man…you look like…what's that creature's name? The one that humans eat...oh, a fish…" Zio glared at him through his mask, causing Kolyat to laugh as he sipped his own drink.

"Damn what I wouldn't give to get a piece of that…" Zio was now enthralled, eyes never leaving the human dancer.

"Ha! You and a human…that's a riot, I mean you can't even get a girl of our own species to notice you…" Again he was met with a glare but Kolyat just turned back to the dancer. She was interesting looking to say the least. Kolyat continued to watch…up until then he had tried his best to avert his eyes from the dancers…but there was something familiar about this one…he was trying to place it...

She was leaving the stage, making her way over to one of the VIP tables. A Batarian was seated amidst a small group of people, made up of several species. Dressed in some of the most extravagant clothes Kolyat had ever seen he stuck out amongst the crowd.

The dancer leaped onto the table, doing what appeared to be her best for the Batarian. She was obviously hired for him…at least she made it look that way. She twirled, and in one fluid movement fell gracefully into the guy's lap.

"I think she's taken…" He said as Zio groaned. "Not like you had any kind of chance to begin with…"

"Hey you never know…" Zio pulled the mask off his face, throwing it away. Kolyat turned back to the batarian's table…but the dancer had disappeared.

There was a clatter behind him and he heard Zio curse. Spinning around in his chair he found himself face to face with the human dancer herself.

"Hello boys…" Her voice was smooth as silk…a caress to the ears amidst the harsh music.

"Hellooo…" Zio called from behind her, but her attention was solely focused on Kolyat as she slipped into the seat across from them. Zio was determined though…

"My name is Zio…and this is my friend Kolyat." He saw his friend try to place an arm around the woman, but was immediately denied as she shifted forward, cupping her chin in one hand as she leaned towards Kolyat.

"Sooo…what brings a couple handsome fellas like you to such a _dangerous_ place like Omega?" She was leaning towards him…and Kolyat didn't know what to do.

"We wanted to get away from the Citadel…that place is boring…not enough _action_…" Zio was being persistent and seemed to have no idea that he was being ignored.

"And what about you? Same reason?" Kolyat gave another shrug…though she was wearing a mask, what he could see of the woman's mouth fell into a frown as she pulled away.

"Cause, you know I put forth a lot of effort on your part to keep you outta jail…" Her sultry tone had shifted into an almost metallic twang though his translator…the strange harshness familiar…Shepard had an accent like that…it was annoying…he remembered his father saying Shepard's southern accent was an acquired taste… wait…_Gods damn it…_

"Shit!" He whispered fiercely as he pushed his chair back. Zio seemed startled at his reaction. The mask slid from her face, revealing Shepard.

"I'm afraid you two are busted…" There was laughter in her eyes and he wished to be anywhere else…anywhere far away from his father's new girlfriend…in that outfit…he was pretty sure he now knew what Shepard looked like naked and if he could have blinded himself at that moment he would have.

"Shit…" He moaned again. Zio looked confused.

"Busted for what?" He asked.

"Zio…she's dating my father…she put me in C-Sec…" Kolyat didn't know what reaction he had expected from his fellow drell…but it wasn't the one Zio gave…

"Aw man…that means you're taken?" He looked on the verge of despair, causing Shepard to laugh.

"'Fraid so kiddo…but honestly, you wouldn't be able to handle me…I'd break you." Zio's brow furrowed at her teasing.

"So what now? You going to turn me into the authorities again?" He hated her…man did he hate her…he wished she would leave him the fuck alone.

"No kid…I'm not. Seeing you behind bars would kill Thane and you know it." His stomach lurched as a new concern came to mind.

"He's here isn't he?" Shepard nodded.

"You two…you know Aria's deck overlooking this room? It's just past there…" She gestured towards the back of the club, towards a set of stairs heavily guarded.

"Go up there, tell the guards you are with me and find your Father…we'll sort this out when I'm done here."

Kolyat stood, scowling at Zio, who still looked majorly disappointed. "What are you doing exactly?" He asked, giving a very pointed look at Shepard's attire.

To his surprise Shepard's face darkened. "Classified" She snapped as she slid her mask back into place, "Go to your father Kolyat."

. . .

The Batarian thug howled in pain as Shepard kicked him from the bed. Blood gushed and she heard the distinct snaps of breaking bones.

"Not as fun when they fight back now is it?" She snarled.

. . .

"Kolyat…"

"Yea…I snuck off…Shepard found me…"

"Very well then"

"You…aren't mad?"

"I'm concerned…" That was almost worse.

Kolyat regarded his father across the table. He hadn't changed at all…still stoic and almost silent when it came to speaking with him. Sighing he leaned back in his chair, examining the other occupants of the room.

Aria T'Loak was seated across the room, flanked by a shit ton of guards, Batarian and Turian. She seemed to view the gathering with barely concealed disgust. Obviously Shepard was taking her sweet time in doing…whatever it was she was supposed to do…

He noticed his father had gone eerily still, save for his lips, which were speaking silently of memories…Solipsism…if his dad was escaping into his memories than he was really worried.

He exchanged glances with Zio, who after commenting on Aria's hotness had lapsed into a kind of stunned silence. The guy was now surrounded by some of the most famous and infamous people in the galaxy…and all he could do was stare.

"Siha…" Kolyat turned in the direction his father was looking…and wanted to gag.

Shepard was drenched in blood, from head to toe. She maneuvered through the crowd up to the steps leading to Aria's couch. Her face and voice were emotionless and it was then Kolyat realized this was a woman who should be feared.

"It's done."

"Excellent…I hope his death wasn't quick…" Shepard's wrist flicked out causing a massive blade to unsheathe itself…a butterfly knife he thought it was called, and it looked heavily modified.

"It wasn't." Handing the blood covered knife over to Aria, Shepard turned. Gesturing to her group she whistled causing everyone's head to turn.

"Move out." She barked before walking down the stairs and out of the club.

Kolyat watched his father's face closely, seeing an array of emotions ranging from pain to fury and finally concern.

"What happened Dad?"

"It is best that you do not know…come…Siha will be waiting."

. . .

Zio entered the crew deck, giving one long whistle. "Man…this place is awesome!" Kolyat sighed.

"Shut up Zio…"

"I'm pleased you are enjoying my ship." They turned to find Shepard seated at a table. Well, seated at a table in his father's lap. _Fuck_…

"You boys hungry? Gardner made Ramen…though I feel like I should have yall write your wills before consuming any of it…"

His father laughed, pulling Shepard even closer, which made Kolyat want to gag again. Zio muttered something like 'lucky bastard' under his breath which made Kolyat want to punch him. He swore to Amonkira that if he heard anything more about Shepard from the other drell once they got back…he'd do everything in his power to take Zio down…

"Alright…we need to figure out what to tell Bailey when we get back to the Citadel…obviously there are going to be questions." Shepard's gaze had gone red…literally. Kolyat and Zio stared in awe at the cybernetic eyes. When Shepard turned them on Kolyat he felt his blood freeze.

"This is a onetime only thing kid…I don't like lying to good men like Bailey, who have done nothing but bend over backwards to help you…" Kolyat understood that his father wasn't mad at him…but Shepard sure was.

"You realize how good you got off last time? You attempted murder Kolyat…and all you received in punishment was community service…sneak off again and I won't help you out." She was lying…and it was obvious. She would never do that to his father. But as he examined the fires in her eyes sharpen before bleeding back to the dark color they always had he wondered if he was wrong…

Shoving the doubts aside he proceeded to ignore everything around him for the remainder of the evening. He decided to mentally prepare himself for Bailey…who if he was being honest wasn't that bad…

Shepard had warmed to Zio, and the three were laughing their heads off as they ate their noodles. Kolyat noticed whenever Shepard glanced his way her eyes would flash red as her mouth tightened into a thin line…

He wanted off this ship…and the realization of why freaked him out…

Shepard scared the absolute hell out of him.


	13. You can never go home again

The very air was crisp with sorrow, each footfall releasing a deafening crunch in the snow as she made her way through the wreckage. It felt almost unforgivable to even be looking at the destruction…but she forced herself to look…she _owed_ it to her former crew.

Friends long gone…echoes of a distant time…a distant place…a very different Brina Shepard. She felt her mind go back to the SR1…back to the laughter and joy that had completed her in ways she never expected. She had served on the ship for only a short time under Anderson…but her crew had given their loyalty almost the instant the ship was given to her…She missed them…she missed having a crew she could trust. They had gone through so much together…her and her crew…each of them had walked through fire to find Saren and destroy Sovereign. Her Cerberus crew had yet to face anything like that yet…and she wondered if they would hold up half as well…

"Shepard…" She turned towards Tali'Zorah, the purple silks of her suit appearing to glow against the stark white of their surroundings.

"Yes Tali?"

"I shouldn't have come." Brina pulled the young quarian into her arms, whispering soothing words against the side of Tali's helmet as the girl's shoulders shook. "Keelah…I shouldn't have come…"

"Yes you should have." Brina's voice was almost too loud, Tali had been whispering. Lifting her head the quarian's shining white eyes grew wide through the lens of her helmet.

"You were closer to the crew Tali…you knew them better than I ever could…I need you here…to remember what I can't." The helmet nodded, squeezing her Commander one more time before making her way over to Garrus.

The Turian was examining everything in a stunned silence. He had not been there when the Collectors hit…he had been on the Citadel, back at C-Sec. Shepard's heart broke for the big guy…he had once told her the SR1 felt more like home to him than Palaven…

Shepard stepped over to the two, "You okay Lovie?" She almost never called Garrus that… only when she was expressing concern…

"I'll be fine Shepard…I just…I failed all of you…" He jumped slightly as Tali'Zorah slapped his arm, the action emitting a sharp CLACK! as her suit's glove met his armor's plating.

"Bosh'tet! You did nothing of the sort!"

"I'm trying to convince myself of that Tali…" He smiled grimly at the quarian before turning back to the wreckage, "but it's hard…"

Shepard lay a hand on his forearm, patting him as she moved on. The two needed peace, and she figured Tali was doing a better job of comforting him than she was…

As she rounded a section of mangled ship she heard a very familiar jingling from behind her. It was the clinking of dog tags.

"I found a few by the remains of the CIC…do they have any significance Siha?" Thane placed the chains in her outstretched hands, face drawing tight in concern as he saw her eyes shine with unshed tears.

"Yes…yes they do Thane." She undid the clasps of her armor around her neck, pulling her own dog tags out. They were not her original ones sadly…but Miranda had provided the new pair…and in sterling silver too. She held the long chain out to Thane…who gently took it, careful not to jerk her face forward as he examined them.

"What are they for?" He asked as his finger traced over her name.

"They are used to identify us should our corpses be destroyed beyond recognition." Thane nodded, before bringing her tags to his lips briefly; an action that caused her throat to tighten even more.

Saying nothing, Thane turned towards the ruined cockpit, Shepard noticing him occasionally sifting through the snow…searching for more dog tags.

"Are you alright Commander?" Samara's soothing voice flowed around her. Closing her eyes Shepard bowed her head.

"Not at the moment…no, but I will be fine once we leave."

"If I may ask…why did you return?" The Justicar was not bothered by the detour from her own personal mission…she was simply curious. In her eyes the Normandy was gone and there was no point in looking back…you could only move forward.

"I don't know Samara…for peace of mind more than anything else…I also wanted to say good-bye." She made her way towards the center of the valley. Garrus and Tali were calling for her…something she needed to see.

Stepping up beside Thane she cast a questioning glance in their direction, her eyes falling on the object they were gesturing towards.

"The Mako…" She breathed. Stepping forward she felt laughter bubble upwards, flowing from her lips. Thane watched from behind her as her shoulders shook with each spasm; before her breath hitched…she had started sobbing.

Falling to her knees, Shepard brought her hands to her face, soaking them with her tears. Thane knelt beside her, placing his warm hands on her shoulders and pulling her into his lap.

"They thought you would find the Mako amusing…" He had thought the same too, her tears had surprised him.

"I do…but…it's just this damn place…" She croaked, her voice hoarse.

"What about it Siha?"

"You know how you consider one of your greatest regrets being when you left Irikah to die at the hands of your enemies?" His hands had tightened their hold; he knew where she was going with this. She pressed her face into the crook where his neck met his shoulder, inhaling deeply.

"This is kinda like that…"


	14. Wide Open Spaces Please!

**AN: I know I said I was gonna stop these...but I just needed to explain a couple things, it's a brief interruption I promise! This chapter came about this afternoon...My brother and I were leaving our Dad's...which was really emotional...infact my depression over leaving Massachusetts is the reason for the previous sad chapter, anyway, so we were getting on the plane to go back home to North Carolina...when we realized we both had center seats...so for the two and a half hour plane ride (severe turbulence people...it was bad) I was sandwiched between two complete strangers, unable to move so I was forced to sit hunched over, neck bent down to see my book which had to be held in my lap. . To make matters worse I was wearing a cashmere sweater and a wool poncho my grandparents gave me for christmas from Russia...so it was HOT! I have never been so happy to see an airport in all my life. Brina's in a similar position in this chapter...and her reaction is very close to mine...though if I was sandwiched between Thane and Garrus you can be damned sure there'd be some serious Thane cuddlin goin on...lol**

**Also, just to let you folks know, cause I thought this was funny, I worked for two days on the chapter Omega Business...makin sure it was funny and all that jazz...and I wrote You can never go home again in about five minutes...XD I really appreciate the feedback that last chapter has gotten, I mean I opened my email to find a fanfiction overload and was like 'Oh Mah Gawd, they love me!' :D I just think it's hilarious that everyone loves the chapter I barely gave a second thought...lol. **

Crowded…it was too crowded…she was constricted…she needed air…needed to breathe! Focusing on the bolts in the metal flooring Brina began to fidget, trying to take up as little space as possible.

It was too cramped…damn it she needed her space…craved it with a longing that took her breath away. She had never been claustrophobic…hell she'd been in more cramped conditions in the recruitment barracks of base camp…but she had become spoiled in her cushy surroundings on the Normandy SR2…it was like staying up as late as you wanted on the weekend…but having to switch back to a regular bedtime Monday night…

They were heading to a mining cache that Aria had rewarded them with for services rendered in guarding Patriarch. Aria knew that they were scanning planets for upgrade materials and had decided extra resources were more valuable to Shepard than credits…she'd been _soo_ right.

Though what Brina hadn't counted on was the fact that it was a very nice uninhabited planet…and everyone wanted to go…in the tiny little shuttle…that really only fit four comfortably…

Brina was currently sandwiched between Garrus Vakarian…and Thane Krios. They'd picked up the drell a week ago and while she had exchanged a few words with him…she wasn't entirely ready to progress the level of physical contact to the level required to gain her more space. She was faced with a choice… either she could get bruised against Garrus's plate armor…or she could lean against the very leather-y Krios.

Not that Thane was repulsive or anything…in fact if it weren't for the fact that he was _extraordinarily _attractive she would be almost in his lap by now in her efforts to escape the offending turian armor. Sadly though…Thane was incredibly good looking…and the thought of sliding closer caused her cheeks to flame like a teenage school girl.

_Damn it…get yourself together moron! You need space, he's hogging the seat…kick his ass! _She glanced out of the corner of her eye at Krios…who was staring out the window he was leaning against, legs outstretched…luxury compared to Shepard's position…_bastard…_ she thought bitterly. As the shuttle hit slight turbulence entering the atmosphere her head banged against Garrus's shoulder plate.

"Fuck!" She groaned.

"Sorry…"

"Bastard…why do turians wear so much armor? What happened to your nice, smooth, definitely non lethal light armor from the Saren mission?" She glared at the grinning turian.

"I upgraded" Shepard groaned again.

"Stupid…fuckin…painfully plated…I'll think of a more creative name than 'bastard' just give me a minute…"

Garrus chuckled as she grumbled. Thane regarding her with an expression she was only partially sure was amusement…stoic was too light a word for the man.

Thane Krios regarded the small woman at his side. She was an odd one to say the least…obviously she was uncomfortable…why was she insisting on pressing herself against the turian? Was she afraid of him? The woman had taken on a rogue spectre and a reaper…what was so scary about him? Scowling he turned back to the window…

_I'm in a field…a big WIDE open field…no one as far as the eye can see…I'm all alone…able to throw my arms out and flop on the ground without touching anything…kick out my legs and wiggle my toes…I'm in a field…keep thinkin of the field…_ Shepard opened one eye, to find Thane scowling at her. _What the fuck?_

Well, the field exercise had just gone bust…damn that assassin…damn him twice. Thankfully she caught sight of the landing pad outside the window…it was like spotting heaven through the clouds.

The shuttle touched down and the door slid open, Thane barely able to conceal his surprise as the Commander flew outside in what seemed to be a desperate need to be away from him.

"Have I offended her in some way?"He asked the turian seated near him. Garrus Vakarian laughed, "Nah…I don't think so…I'm pretty sure she'd tell me if you had…Shepard's just weird like that…" He continued to laugh as he stood and exited the shuttle.

The air was cool, but comfortable and the humidity was almost nonexistent. It was salvation to his lungs. He breathed deep, noting a lack of pain in his ribs and smiling to himself as he walked away.

He watched Shepard approach the entrance to the mine; entering the codes Aria had recovered for her.

Aria had yet to explore this mine herself; instead handing it directly to the commander as a reward…he hadn't been a part of their crew then so all he had heard was she had done a job guarding an important asset to the Omega leader, earning the mine instead of credits.

Despite her warning of not knowing what was in the mine besides the resources they needed, their large group had never expected that the mine was infested with husks…

"What the shit?" He heard Shepard cry before a flash of blue blinded him. Seeing spots he pulled out his SMG…instantly missing his beloved sniper rifle…he _hated_ the SMG.

_Beggars can't be choosers_ Shepard thought as she raised her Carnifex. She preferred using her biotics…but damn it her amp was acting up…her body still suffering the jump from L3 implants to L5…being dead, she had missed a few major upgrades in biotic amps…damn it.

The cracks and pops of a mixture of small firearms was nearly deafening, though to a veteran like Shepard it was music to her ears as she moved through the husks.

One had gotten behind her, but with a quick twirl she elbowed it in the face, before throwing her foot up to kick it back…giving her enough room to unload a full thermal clip's worth of ammo into the disgusting thing's face.

"I really hate these guys…" She growled to Thane as he neared her to provide backup, realizing too late that she had the situation under control.

"They are quite grotesque…" He offered as a reply.

"Fuckin disgusting in my opinion…" His translator had obviously gotten damaged during his fight through the Dantius Towers…he had thought the strange accent was a glitch…but now wondered if that really was how she spoke. It wasn't an unpleasant sound…just unusual…he'd never crossed a human that spoke like that before anyways.

He watched her glare at the next wave, before her eyes went white and her body flared with dark energy. Realizing her intent he dove out of the way before the singularity could snag him too…he found himself amidst another cluster of husks.

Shepard smiled as the husks floated in mid air…like ghastly marionettes. Hearing a grunt behind her she turned…to find herself face to face with what could only be described as the epitome of grace…

Thane Krios was a master at hand to hand combat…moving through the cluster of husks in a twisting, whirling dance of pure destruction. She watched as he flipped himself over a husk, breaking its neck as he landed. A spray of bullets shredded the husks behind him, ending the struggle. Straightening he swiped at the gore on his jacket before turning to her.

"Well…um…well…" _You have an amazing talent for words Shep…way to be intelligent._ She noticed his raised eye ridges and turned to find Garrus moving towards her.

"You guys injured?" He asked her.

"I'm fine…Krios?"

"No serious hits taken."

"There better be good stuff in here…" She growled as she turned towards the doorways, already catching the faint moans of more husks.

"If not I'm going on an all out asari hunt on Omega…" Garrus snorted. "I'm quite serious Garrus…there will be a reckoning I swear to every God/Goddess out there…"

Thane smiled slightly as he followed the group, wondering if Amonkira would aid her in that particular scenario.

. . .

They were out…total success…a bloody…grimy…_smelly_ success. Aria had been correct in that there was a shit ton of minerals in the mine for them to salvage…though thank goodness they had all brought guns.

"My God Garrus…what if I'd decided to come on my own?" She leaned wearily against the turian's back as they stumbled towards the entrance. Thane wasn't far behind…the rest of the squad had rushed out as soon as the fight was over…but they had stayed to help.

"I'm sure you would have handled it Shepard…I mean you are a robot…" Thane had been stunned to find the Commander's eyes changed color and her skin glowed orange underneath the pale flesh…even more awed when she gave him the explanation…what she called 'Lazarus in a Nutshell'. A small part of him wanted to trace the glowing orange spider web of scarring that had ripped open in the fight…but he knew that would have been a total invasion of her space.

"Ass" She grouched. Garrus laughed at her, shrugging her off as he faked offense.

They exited the mine for the last time, all resources taken care of. The new plating for the ship seemed like an achievable goal now.

"Sooo…what shall we do for the remainder of our free time?" Shepard turned to Garrus, punching him in the arm before wincing.

Feeling more than unwelcome Thane decided to depart…he had really only wanted to stretch his legs, and now that his usefulness had run out he wanted to sit in the shuttle and meditate.

"I shall go wait in the shuttle until it is time to leave Shepard." He said over his shoulder as he moved away.

Shepard watched him go…turning to Garrus, "What's his problem?"

Garrus shook his head, "I think he misinterpreted your actions on the way here…he took it quite personally…he thinks he has offended you." Shepard blinked a few times.

"What?"

"Shepard you were practically cringing away from him…I didn't know what your problem was either…"

"Oh…well it wasn't anything personal! I just…don't know him that well and didn't want to make him uncomfortable…"

"You better let him know…he's new to the ship…and not used to working in a group, he's been on his own for awhile now." Shepard was surprised at Garrus's insight.

"Well…it seems you two have become quite chummy…" Garrus chuckled.

"Not really…it's just easy to recognize someone who fights alone…they separate themselves even when in a crowd."

Shepard looked at the ever shrinking image of Thane as he walked away. She hadn't meant to hurt his feelings… Personal space was important to a soldier, a lot of the times it was a rare and beautiful thing. Brina protected hers like it was a baby, and was always mindful of others.

She stumbled after Garrus, her amp was stinging slightly and she felt the tension spread through her neck and shoulders…making its way down her spine. "I need a nap…" She whined to herself as she ran to catch up to the turian. They had a few hours more before she had to leave, and she was gonna take advantage of her free time…whether she was exhausted or not.

. . .

Thane was sitting ram rod straight in his seat, against the window in preparation for the soon to be crowded surroundings. He was lost in memory…it was a nice one…Kolyat taking his first steps…so lost in the past was he that he didn't register the entrance of another being until he was crushed against the window.

"Man am I beat! Gawd…I'm gonna take a nap…that okay with you Krios?" Shepard had leaned her back against his side, her head falling on his shoulder. She was giving him a knowing grin.

"I have no issues with that…" He said with a small smile.

"Good…cause now that I have this space I ain't movin…and if you got a problem with that remember you asked for this." She turned into the back of the seats as she stretched her small body out, making sure she put as much pressure into his side as possible, showing that she had no aversion to him personally.

If he turned his head slightly his mouth would come into contact with the top of her head…which restricted his movements considerably. It didn't bother him as much as it normally would though…because he noticed how good the Commander smelled. It was unlike anything he had ever smelled before…

"Damn it Shepard! That's my seat!" Garrus Vakarian roared as he entered the shuttle.

"Deal with it" She mumbled.

"Spirits…" Garrus moved to another seat just as the rest of the group entered, packing the small compartment as tight as they could.

Her shoulders twitched, moving her hair into his face and he was met with that strange scent again.

"Shepard…what is that scent you wear?" It was obviously perfume…he just couldn't name which kind… Surely it was a flower…it was sweet, yet heady enough to not be sickening.

She turned over, her back now facing the rest of the shuttle's small cabin; the movement caused more of the delicious smell to waft into his face and he found it difficult to resist sniffing her hair again.

"Honeysuckle…" She whispered, half asleep.

"It smells nice." Her mouth twitched into a small grin as she snuggled into his side.

"You comin onto me Krios?" Her tone was teasing.

"Not at all…" He chuckled. Turning to the window he felt his body shift slightly, trying to make her more comfortable. _Well…maybe a little…_


	15. Of drinks and jealousy

_No chest…no boobs…what the hell?_ Brina Shepard found herself in an awkward position. She was on the Citadel…heading to the Presidium so the Council could talk _at_ her and let her know what was already common knowledge to everyone, the Commander was bat shit crazy…unstable…a total whacko, in the Council's opinion anyway…

Which pissed her off a bit so she was stalling…making them wait. She was technically still a Spectre so they could just shove it for all she cared. She was currently at a small drink kiosk in the Wards…sipping on some exotic fruity shit the stall owner had sworn by…it tasted like just plain ole apple juice in her opinion.

A drell woman had approached the stand and Shepard had almost spewed her drink across the table.

_Damn the pamphlets were right…aw fuck…_It had been easy for her to ignore the feminine differences in their species…but seeing one of _his_ people's women in the flesh…she was insecure as _hell._

The drell was purple…her scales glistening in the sunlight, reflecting tiny rainbows as she shifted to offer her credit chit. Her eyes were a warm, caramel color…and the ribbing of her throat was not red…it was yellow. She was ethereal…she was odd looking…she was utterly gorgeous…Shepard wanted to cry.

Glancing at her choice of clothing the Commander swore under her breath. Shepard had figured since the Council didn't hold a scrap of respect for her, she would treat them in kind…throwing on a Cerberus uniform that was particularly offensive in its insignia design…basically her uniform was the same…the shirt and cargo pants combo that all Cerberus personnel wore…but her jacket…the cargo jacket she had thrown on at the last minute…her back held a blazingly obnoxious hexagonal, diamond-like Cerberus logo that seemed to burn a hole into her back. Add her clunky black combat boots and the Commander looked like a guy compared to the vision of loveliness at the counter.

The woman was dressed in a long silk dress; she was probably heading towards the presidium too. The fabric was a deep, rich green mixed with swirling dashes of dark red…the combination seemed to make the color of her scales even more noticeable.

The drell made her way to a table near Shepard…seemingly oblivious to being stared at. The Commander was so far lost to her insecurities that her mind hadn't comprehended her behavior as rude.

Shepard sipped her juice as she stared at the woman's chest…or lack thereof. _Damn…boobs really ARE weird…_ Glancing down at her own chest she grimaced.

Shepard hadn't thought herself particularly curvy…she just thought she was wide, especially in the hip department…but no curves. She looked like a fuckin hourglass next to this lady though…

"Siha…" _Shit…_

She turned to smile at Thane, waiting to see him glance at what she viewed as the object of every male drell's fantasy sitting at the next table. His gaze never left hers though…

"I thought you were meeting with the Council…" He looked concerned, but that didn't stop her from pulling him close for a quick kiss. She wanted that purple goddess to know this particular drell was claimed.

"I'm procrastinating…" She mumbled, sipping her drink defiantly. Thane gave her a disapproving look.

"They are the rulers of our galaxy Siha…keeping them waiting seems like an extreme tactical error on your part." Shepard's eyes widened as she realized what he was saying.

"Shit…you're right…damn I've probably just fucked everything up." If she sank to the Council's level she had no right to be upset with them…she was no better than that turian shit head and was proving their opinion of her right with every second she waited.

Thane's warm hand caressed her forearm before he grasped her hand, giving her fingers an affectionate squeeze. "Would you like an escort to the Council chambers?"

She smiled at him, feeling herself begin the process of becoming a puddle. "I'd like nothing more" Thane moved to grab a drink for himself, kissing her knuckles before standing. All that time his eyes never moved to the other drell.

"He adores you…it is very obvious." The voice was like rough stone and velvet…raspy yet smooth at the same time…it was very hard to describe. Shepard turned toward the drell woman in shock.

"Pardon?"

"I've watched you since I sat down, no offense meant of course…but I noticed your insecurity at my presence…" Her eyes lowered to her drink as she shifted in her chair. The awkward cuteness of her gesture making Shepard feel like absolute shit.

"He called you Siha as well…and that speaks volumes to any other drell, even if you humans are unable to grasp the full meaning behind the name." She sipped her drink, smiling slightly, seeming to enjoy the flavor.

"I thought Siha was just one of Arashu's angels…" The drell woman nodded; her smile widening.

"That is only part way correct…Siha is a warrior angel of Arashu, but she is also a beloved figure in our culture, I will not bore you with long explanations and countless legends of our lore, you seem a busy woman…but know that his giving her name to you is a show of extreme love and adoration…it is not an endearment any drell would use lightly…in fact I don't think I've ever heard Siha's name used as an endearment…" She finished her drink and stood, smoothing out her dress.

"Besides I am married…I pose no threat to you." She laughed softly as Thane returned. He nodded at her before turning back to Shepard.

"I wish you happiness and prosperity Commander Shepard, may Arashu guide and protect you both." She bowed slightly before taking her leave. _How did she know my name?_

"What was that about Siha?" Warmth spread through her veins as he said her pet name. Now that she knew what it truly meant she never wanted to stop hearing it. It meant that he loved her…

"Nothing, just a friendly chat…" She glanced at the woman's retreating back. "Drell women really are beautiful." Something in her voice caused Thane to stop dead in his tracks.

"Siha…" He sounded stunned, pulling her chin up so he could look in her eyes. _Why did I have to be so damn short?_

Amusement sparked in his jet black orbs and a slight smirk pulled the corners of his lips up, he glanced back at the other drell and when he returned his gaze to her his smirk had turned into a full blown smile.

"Now who is being jealous?" He asked laughter in his voice. Shepard knew he was thinking of Jacob Taylor.

"Jealous?…Me? Pffft!" She snorted, slapping his arm as she moved forward, "Puh-lease, I've got you wrapped around my little finger!" She wiggled her pinky at him before continuing towards the public access terminals.

"I've always appreciated the color purple…" He murmured, making his voice sound somewhat wistful.

"Yea yea, keep talkin Krios!" She moved to punch him but found he had disappeared. Turning back she bumped into his chest, causing him to catch her so she wouldn't fall.

"Jerk face…" She grumbled.

"I have a feeling the other lady is far nicer than you…maybe I should make her acquaintance…" The look on Shepard's face caused him to burst out laughing.

"You better shut your mouth drell…before I sew it shut and lock you in a closet."

"Drell women aren't nearly as threatening…perhaps I have made a mistake in consorting with a human…" Shepard kicked out, trying to trip him…but failed.

"You know I talked to Jacob this morning…I'd never noticed what a nice ass he's got…and his abs…my Gawd…" She pretended to swoon. _Heh, THAT shut him up! _

She shrieked as he threw her over his shoulder, speed walking towards one of the private restrooms near the drink stand.

"Wait! I need to see the Council…Thane! There's no time!" She cried as she tried not to laugh. Her pulse was racing and her stomach clenched in anticipation. Thane threw the door wide open as he stepped inside.

"The Council can wait a few more moments." He replied before his mouth was on hers.


	16. The storm before the calm

There would be a reckoning…they would meet their fate in the red sky at dawn…to save the galaxy or be torn asunder she did not know…all she could do was pull the drell to her in a desperate attempt to be closer…though they were as close as two people can get to one another.

In all her career as a soldier there were only three moments where Brina Shepard remembered being afraid. The Alliance tried their best to make sure their soldiers left base camp with their emotions turned off. For so long she had been a stone…immovable in her course…unfaltering. She had had a confidence born of ignorance…for now the commander knew what if felt like to die.

She was cold…she had turned the heat up in their room to fifty degrees hotter than hell…but she was a statue of ice. Uncertainty slid down her naked form, doubt clawed at the edges of her mind. The whispers never ceased…if they would just shut the fuck up maybe she could rest properly…be able to make love to Thane fully, without her mind pulling her elsewhere…he deserved that at the very least seeing as they were all going to die.

_No…don't think like that…_ her inner monologue was so naïve in that moment…it was almost laughable. Thane's back was to her as she pondered the upcoming mission. They had wanted to stay awake together…but she knew their survival hinged on everyone being as well rested as possible.

He had fought her on it…and it had been a fun battle…the wicked smile stretched her full lips as she remembered the moments of a few hours before. Eventually though, he had given in…she had seen how exhausted he really was.

"Shut up and sleep" She had snapped, "I'm not gonna lose you because you pulled an all nighter." No…she was going to lose him because they were up against suicidal odds with no support at their backs.

She placed her hands on his shoulder blades, admiring the beautiful black stripes that trailed down his spine… gently, only applying feather light pressure; she slid her fingertips across his back. It was her favorite massage, one she had received as a child from a few of the kinder women in the Reds. She had called it a 'tickle back' cause it always gave her goose bumps. Thane's skin was very different from hers…so he didn't get goose bumps…but she grinned as the muscles of his back twitched under her hands.

"Love you…" She whispered to the dark. Thane was deep in sleep and there was no way he could hear her. They had yet to say that to each other…though she was sure he felt the same…she regretted not having vocalized it sooner…

Fear settled into her gut amidst the silence of the Loft. This was insane…hadn't she been confident and brave before Illos? Telling Kaidan he was overreacting and needed to calm down…what had changed?

_You died Shep._

Oh…right. Death changes things…yyyeeeaaahhhh….

"Damn it." She growled at nothing in particular. She hated this newfound uncertainty…hated feeling doubt…

Sliding out of bed, as smoothly as possible; light Sleeper was too soft a way to put how easy Thane could be woken from sleep. She had once just simply turned over and he was up…

Stepping over to her couch she sat down and stared at her fish. Wondering what they thought of dying tomorrow…she had been so diligent in caring for them…they were the only pets she allowed herself to have. And they were gonna get slaughtered…just like the rest of the crew.

Shepard's eyes slid closed as she inhaled a shaky breath. She had failed her team yet again…they were gone…taken from her by the foulest of enemies…who had waited until she was gone to strike at her most vulnerable spot.

Glancing at Thane she realized she now had an idea of the despair he must have felt when he returned home to find his enemies had taken life from him too. It would explain why he was so close after they had realized they had no crew…why he had shadowed her every step, waiting until she eventually let the pain crush her. She finally had…problem was he was asleep so he was missing it.

She heard a soft rattling and realized it was her feet atop the coffee table…she was shaking.

"Oh god…" She whimpered as she curled into herself. For a brief moment the Commander slipped off her pedestal…She allowed her fear to swallow her up, she let it flow through her veins and choke the air from her lungs.

She grit her teeth and concentrated on her breathing until the tremors eventually stopped. She wanted this fear to go away…she wanted to stop being so scared and uncertain of herself…she wanted her confidence back damn it.

Thane always seemed calmer and more centered after his meditations and prayer…in fact she figured he took more comfort in his Gods than with her…maybe she should try that.

Shepard was not religious…she didn't know what she was. She addressed Thane's Gods because she took comfort in _his_ belief in them…but she didn't think they existed…at least, she wasn't sure they did…she wasn't sure _any_ god or goddess existed.

Thane was not an idiot…he was very smart…yet he believed with all his soul that there was an afterlife worth leaving this world for. So complete was his faith…and it made her jealous. She wanted to be that certain…she wanted to believe too.

Never in her life had she prayed to any god…even her own. She was raised without any form of spiritual guidance…the only semi-religious thing the Reds ever did was kiss the side of their guns before entering battle. Shepard looked at the glass coffee table…wondering if He was even listening.

_Go ahead…what could it hurt Shep?_

She moved from the couch, falling to her knees, and planting her elbows on the table. She clasped her hands together and tucked them under her chin, closing her eyes. What was she praying for? She wanted them to survive…but she knew that was possible…she just needed to be strong for her crew…she could lead them out of this…she just needed…

"Lord," She began, "I ask for courage.  
Courage to face and conquer my own fears...  
Courage to take me where others will not go.  
I ask for strength...  
Strength of body to protect others..  
Strength of spirit to lead others.  
I ask for dedication...  
Dedication to my mission, to do it well...  
Dedication to my crew, to keep them safe.  
Give me Lord, concern...  
For those who trust me and compassion for those who need me.  
And please Lord...  
Through it all be at my side."

Thane Krios smiled into his pillow. Never had he loved his Siha more…He listened to her stand and get back into bed. He pretended to still be asleep as she snuggled against him, the heat of her body soothing his own unease of the mission tomorrow. As her breathing deepened; and he was sure she was fully asleep, he looked back at her over his shoulder. They would be ready...he was sure of it. The Collectors would be destroyed and everyone would survive. He wanted to tell her this...but he found he could only say one thing.

"I love you too Siha."

**AN: I'd really like some reviews on this one...I've rewritten it several times and I'm still not happy with it...so I would love some feedback, even constructive criticism. Also, I gave them more time before the Omega 4, I know in the game it was only two hours...but I wanted it to be more like the night befor Illos...It's fanfiction, I'm allowed to do that! :P**

***sob story alert!* I'm sorry for the update overload...unless you really like this story...so in that case you're welcome I guess, :) I've been through a lot of stress...major issues with my health and school have just thrown me for a loop, and when I'm scared I escape into my writing or video games. (Fable 3 kicks ass by the way) This is my first year of college...and it's kicking my ass...I've never had problems in school before...was always good at my homework and assignments...but now I'm not and I feel so stupid and completely lost...being sick isn't helping, and when all your doctors just shrug and say "I don't know..." it's a whole other level of fear. I don't really have a good friend in the same boat college wise, mine seem to be adjusting just fine...so I took comfort in Brina dealing with the same issues...though slightly more dramatic and complicated...I mean an english paper and a suicide mission are on completely different ends of the spectrum, lol.**

**I can't take full credit for the prayer Brina says...I found it online a while back...and I say a version of it when things are really bad (I've tweaked it to fit Shepard), even though I'm not a Christian...I'm not really anything...still searching I guess... the site it is on is full of great ones like this...and if any of yall are curious send me a message and I can get you the link...cause FFnet will scramble it if I type it here.**

**I really appreciate all the reviews and attention this story gets. I love writing so much, it's nice to know I don't suck at it. A major thanks to all the people who've added this story to their favs and alerts...I even got a couple author favs and alerts and that was extremely flattering, so thanks to you all :) **


	17. On your mark, get set, go!

Soon…soon he would be done with his wretched day to day existence…he'd be back in _her_ arms again. His end was so close he could taste it, bitter on his tongue.

So far the job was going well, he had effortlessly slipped into the vent system of the Dantius Towers, he had the merc force guarding Nassana completely confused…and they were sloppy in their pursuit of him. Moving further into the ducts the sound of shattering glass made him pause.

_Gunfire and explosions…_

He heard shouts and more gunshots from the edge of the vent he was in…slowly, so as not to make a sound he inched towards the grate.

Of all the possibilities Thane Krios had planned for…the situation he faced now completely baffled him.

A human woman, followed closely by a turian and a quarian were destroying the guard force at the entrance to the building…and doing a fine job of it too.

She moved with an almost ruthless efficiency, taking out the first wave of mechs easily, stooping to recycle thermal clips as she pushed onward.

Her hair was red…he _thought_…it was light enough when under direct light…but shifted between red and black as she moved, his modified eyes not able to register the darker shades.

As she drew nearer he scanned her armor, was she from another merc group? He noted once again that he couldn't see whether it was red or black; though judging by the copper colored camouflage design it was probably red…

She approached a wounded Salarian…one he hadn't been able to save, Gods forgive him.

"Who did this to you…and _why?_" Obviously his translator was glitching up…her voice pattern had to be one of the strangest accents he had ever come across if it wasn't. She spoke in a jerky manner, forming the words in an almost lazy fashion…

"Nassana…she thinks…someone is trying…to kill her…" The Salarian began to cough up blood, and to Thane's great surprise he saw her lean forward, slapping medigel on the man's wounds.

"That…that feels better…" He tried to stand, but faltered.

"Take your time."

The salarian stood, brushing some of the caked on construction dust from his uniform.

"Find the other workers…help them." The woman nodded, and then asked a question that caused Thane to pause…

"I'm looking for someone…he's not a merc…"

"I've only seen the mercs and the dogs…"

"Alright, well here is some spare medigel, it should keep you alive until help arrives. I'll do what I can for the others."

"Thank you…" The Salarian limped out the doors.

"So…think we'll get a crack at Nassana?" The turian spoke, nudging the human woman in the ribs. "I know how much you've missed her…"

"If I get to I'll skin that bitch alive…" The way the woman's voice changed into a growl made Thane absolutely positive he needed to hurry.

"But she was so nice to us Commander…I mean she told us that really pretty sob story of how her sister was kidnapped, fully entertaining you with a quest that was oh so easy to achieve…and then she threw in such a delightful twist ending when you found out it was her sister that you killed…"

The human woman laughed, "Garrus…my sarcasm protégé…your skill is improving…"

"I am but a humble student of the master…" The turian, Garrus, bowed.

"Alright, can it already we're here to find Thane Krios not fuck around." The human woman ordered as she opened the door to the next floor up.

Garrus turned to the quarian, "Aw but fucking around is so much more fun…"

"Bosh'tet…" The quarian sounded flustered.

Well well well…so she was looking for him…he leaned back against the far wall of the vent as the trio exited the room. He could use this to his advantage as long as he was careful…

The human was intriguing to say the least…he wondered if she had anything to do with Cerberus. The organization had been hounding him for several days…but Thane didn't give them a moment of consideration…they were despicable beings and not worthy of his time. And he wasn't planning to live much longer…if he was lucky. He decided, seeing as this was his last job…to have a little fun before he died. Without a doubt Nassana's guards would catch him once the Asari lay dead…there were just too many in the building…and once his target was down he wasn't planning on sneaking out…he would take them on floor by floor until his body failed him.

Continuing towards the vent pathway that would take him to the upper floors he smiled. It had been a long time since he had had competition of any kind for a target…and he aimed to be victorious.

. . .

"You got two ways down…express or coach…I'll let you choose." The human woman was interrogating a merc…trying to find out his exact location…

_Good luck with that human…_ he thought with a smirk as the merc sputtered through a last attempt at dominance.

The woman grabbed the merc by the throat, slamming the back of his head into the window they were standing in front of…Thane heard the glass crack under the pressure, they had been lucky the whole window hadn't shattered.

"What sound will you make when you hit the ground? Think you'll hear it before you die?" Her voice was a low purr…and adding the accent Thane felt a shiver travel down his spine, he'd always had a thing for dangerous women. _And it's been so long since…Goddess of Oceans now is not the time! _

"I…uh…" The pathetic merc stuttered. "Look I don't know where he is okay? Groups two and four think he's on deck three, while groups seven and nine think he's on deck eight." The woman slammed his head into the window again before releasing him.

"Get outta here…" She hissed. The faceless merc wasted no time in making his escape.

"He owes you one…anyone else would have killed him." The turian murmured behind her.

"He's lucky I'm a tad lazy today…" She laughed as she turned.

"So what is the plan Shepard?" Ah so her name was Shepard…interesting…wait…

Shepard…_the_ Shepard?...the _Spectre_? It would appear this human woman was full of surprises…

"We keep heading up…I'm sure we'll catch Krios eventually…" She moved, but paused as she stood in front of the vent grate to the room, a cold feeling slid into his gut as her head turned, and he came face to face with a pair of the darkest eyes he had ever seen…

"He may even be watching us right now…" She winked at him…she knew he was there…

"Well if he is watching he needs to get his ass out here…this would be way easier if we didn't have to take on all of Nassana's guard force…"

"I thought you were having fun Vakarian…" Shepard turned from his view, smirking.

"That was four floors ago."

"Pansy…" Her attention was back on the vent.

"I say we race him…see who gets to Nassana first…I'm up for a challenge…"

"Shepard…you're an adept not an assassin…secondly what makes you think he's even listening? And why are you conversing with the vent?"

"I'm just admiring the ventilation system of Nassana's new tower…" She turned, walking away from the grate, a slight sway to her hips as she moved, her form radiating confidence.

"So whatcha say Krios? We gonna race?" The turian and quarian were looking at her strangely, probably thinking she'd lost her mind. He debated answering…

"Indeed" came his gravelly reply and he saw her smile. Her team members jumped at his voice, looking around before eyeing the vent.

"Good…I'm gonna enjoy kicking your ass…"she taunted. He snickered as he moved away. _Not likely Shepard…_

. . .

"Fuck!" Shepard cried as she was tackled by one of the mercs. He was furiously swiping at her, trying to knock her out before her biotics came into play. He had taken her by surprise, knocking the air from her lungs. Shifting he delivered a heavy kick to her ribs…

As his body slammed against the far wall from the force of her warp she stood, dusting herself off.

"They don't normally get close enough to take you down Shep…" Garrus pointed out from behind his crate, "I think you're slipping…"

"Shove it Vakarian…"

"Oooooh so bitter… I am wounded…"

"Need a tissue princess?"

"Enough both of you…bosh'tets…"

"I think we're ahead for the moment…"

They had met him on almost every floor; he was barely able to beat them to the elevators. As Shepard examined his recent handiwork with a merc he was allowed a moment to catch his breath.

"A perfect headshot…with no collateral damage…very impressive." Thane smirked, _thank __you…I try._

"I coulda done better…" His head snapped to the direction of Shepard. Did she have any idea who she was dealing with?

"Sure Shepard…whatever."

"What? I know how to handle a sniper rifle Vakarian!"

"Sure you do Shepard…sure you do…"

"Thay Lord! I'm gonna make you eat those words when we get back to the ship turian…"

"Bring it _human_."

And that was his cue to move…the game was back on…

. . .

Shepard burst forth into the penthouse. Never in her life had she experienced such a thrill, fighting on that bridge had been something else…

Nassana was surrounded by Eclipse mercs…all asari…all asari _commandos_…_Fuck_…she thought to herself.

"But…Shepard…you're dead!"

"I got better…"

"And now you're here to kill me…" The asari bitch sneered at her, glancing towards her guard force and knowing she had the upper hand.

"Maybe I just missed you…" She had to keep her talking…hopefully Krios wasn't far behind them and could help them out…

"Screw you Shepard."

"Charming as ever…"

"I'm sure you find this all very ironic…first you kill my sister and now you're here to kill me."

"I wouldn't waste my time looking for you Nassana…"

"So what do you call destroying my guards and assaulting my tower?" She whipped around from staring out the window, eyes filled with fire.

"I'm looking for someone."

"You honestly expect me to believe that?" She crossed her arms, throwing her hip out. "Is it credits…is that what you want?"

Shepard grinned, kicking at a floor rug. Nassana sighed haughtily.

"Just tell me how much and we can make this little problem go away…"

Shepard stared at the vent opening in the ceiling, hearing the slightest of thuds as she did so. _There you are…about damn time Krios…_

"All the credits in the world won't make this problem go away Nassana…" She said; the Asari catching onto her renewed confidence.

"Who the hell gave you the right to play God?" There was a louder thud from the vents. Nassana noticed her guard force's new unease.

"What?" She demanded.

"I heard something…"

"Damn it…check the other entrances!" She turned back to Shepard, murder in her eyes. "You…stay put…when I'm through with-"

It was at that moment Krios revealed himself.

_Holy shit…_ He took out each commando within a few seconds, shooting Nassana in another. Cradling her body to him almost like a lover he draped her over a nearby desk. Shepard moved to speak but paused as he clasped his hands together and bowed his head.

_Is he…praying?_

Not wanting to be rude she waited…for several moments…_man this bastard is taking FOREVER!_

"Um…hey…yeah…woo-hoo! Ya there?" She waved at him to get his attention.

Irritation flared across his face before he acknowledged her presence.

"My apologies…prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken…" Shepard nodded.

"Nice of you…very endearing…but honestly she ain't worth it." He shook his head, as if she were a dumb ass.

"Not for her…for me." That threw her…she shook off her surprise as she examined the destruction around them.

"So yea…it was nice of you to drop in when you did…shame you lost though."

His eyes widened, "Lost? I think you are mistaken…it was I who took her down."

_Sore loser eh? _"Nah, you got it all wrong Krios, I said first one to Nassana not first to take her down."

"I was already above the room when you entered." _You gotta be kidding me!_

"I actually entered the room first…it's not my fault that you waited too long."

"If I recall I just saved your lives."

"Stubborn ain't ya?"

"Shepard…can you please just get him to join our cause so we can go home?" Garrus groaned.

"Patience is a virtue Vakarian…" Shepard smirked at him.

"My patience ran out several floors below…"

"Wuss"

"Will you both just recruit the drell and shut up?" Tali wailed, the poor girl had been up all night fixing a glitch in the engine programs…and was more than ready to get the hell out of there.

"So you are here to recruit me? Interesting…" Shepard cracked a few joints in her neck.

"Yeah…you know of the collectors?" He paced around her, hands clasped behind his back.

"By reputation…"

"Well they're currently wiping out all human colonies in the terminus systems...we plan to stop them."

"Indeed…" A thought struck him, causing him to turn to her in surprise.

"Attacking the Collectors requires passing through the Omega-4 relay…no ship has ever done so before…"

Shepard smiled, glancing back at her squad, "Hey guys, didn't they tell us it was impossible to get to Illos too?"

The other two nodded. Thane smirked at her, "A fair point…you've made a career out of performing the impossible."

"Damn right…so you in or what?"

Thane paused, considering…this was supposed to be his last job…but this was a perfect chance to atone…turning to her he noticed her eyes had changed…lit up from the sunset outside the room…they appeared…no he would not think of that…would not think of _her_.

Turning back towards the view he sighed heavily, there were things she needed to know before he accepted…

. . .

Kasumi Goto smiled warmly at the couple across from her. "So _that's_ how you two met…aw that's so cute!"

"Cute? That's an interesting way to view it…" Thane mused as his arms encircled his Siha.

"And to this day he still thinks he won…jerk face…"

"I do not _think_ I won Siha…I know" He laughed as Shepard jerked his face towards her, poking his nose.

"Now you listen here Lizard boy…" She growled, smiling.

"I prefer Lizard _Man_ Siha…" That stopped her…Thane had a very dry sense of humor and rarely responded to her snark, but when he did it was utterly hilarious.

She burst out laughing, before lightly smacking the side of his head.

"Keelah…worst mission ever…" Kasumi turned towards the quarian at the end of the table.

"Why is that Tali?"

"First off these two…" She gestured towards Shepard and Garrus, "never shut up…and secondly I was flat out exhausted…I'd been up all night before because some turian decided to re calibrate the targeting matrix of the guns…causing an overflow of power to the engines throwing the entire ship off balance and endangering the crew's lives…" She moved to continue ranting when said turian interrupted.

"I'm sorry our saving the galaxy interfered with your beauty sleep Tali."

"Bosh'tet"

As the rest of the crew laughed Shepard pressed her lips to the red ribbing of Thane's cheek. He shuddered slightly, his arms tightening around her waist.

"Did you ever think we'd end up like this?" She whispered.

"No, but as I have said before, you surprise me often…" He smiled at her, the memories capturing his mind.

_This human was faster than she looked…I glare down the air shaft at the small being, her smile mocking as she listens to the radio chatter. It is then I hear the sounds of a merc down the vent…they've finally decided to try coming after me…idiots._

_He is crawling blindly forward, distracted by an argument with his superior. I punch him in the throat, breaking his neck as he falls against me. Seeing the human look around in uncertainty I smile, not usually one to antagonize._

_I drop the still warm corpse through the air shaft, and stifle a small chuckle as it lands at her feet._

_She stares at it, face neutral as she examines my work, looking up the air shaft she smiles, no intimidation evident…_

"_Nice one!__" She calls to me before drawing her gun at an unseen group of mercs. I continue onward as the blue flashes of her biotics flare against the walls of the vents._

He came back to the present, Shepard smiling down at him.

Kasumi watched the two whisper together before standing. She smiled as they walked hand in hand towards the elevator, the thief knowing without a doubt that they were heading to the Loft.


	18. FAIL

She was silent, a whisper in the back of your mind…a shadow in the corner of your peripheral vision. No sound…her feet caressed the floor as she moved. She was stealth itself…

Gaining entry had been tricky, and required careful timing…as far as she knew, she had gone unnoticed.

Each breath was carefully taken, to ensure no sound was made…silence was key here…blending into the background of the room was far more difficult than she had anticipated…but she managed.

The thief had been very helpful…aiding her with tips and advice…advice that was the only reason she had gotten this far.

Catching her prey she stilled; though there was no way she could have been detected…

She moved ever closer, clinging to the wall like a lover.

So close…she was _so_ close…just another step and

"Nice try Siha…"

"Damn it!"


	19. Bioware romances me right

**AN: This came to mind when I downloaded the ME2 soundtrack...and yes I understand the plot holes this thing drills into Lotus...but I had to write it folks...my muse held me at gun point...**

Shepard smiled into the glass case of the gaming kiosk…The Salarian merchant was yammering on about some turian RPG…but she had already found the game she was looking for.

"I'll take this one please." The Salarian seemed slightly disappointed, until he saw what she had selected.

"Oh good choice! We just got those in today…haven't even played it yet myself!" He had a huge smile on his face as he took her credit chit.

"Thank you" She said before making her way to the docking bay. She had been sure to wear her normal clothes so she was positive he hadn't recognized her. If he had she was sure the merchant would be flipping shit right now…especially considering the game she had just purchased. _Mass Effect 2…hmmm…this has TIM written all over it._

Entering the airlock she paused for the decontamination cycle, shivering slightly as the scanner passed through her body.

"Hey Commander, what do you have there?"

"Well Joker, I doubt you would believe me if I told you." She winked at him before walking towards the elevator.

Once in the Loft the Commander powered up her private terminal, smiling as she changed into a pair of sweats. Pulling the game out of its case and inserting it into the terminal she made sure the Loft's door was locked.

"Alright, let's see how accurate they were…"

. . .

"EDI…how long has the Commander been up there?" Miranda Lawson's stiletto heels tapped out a staccato rhythm against the metal floor as she paced in her office.

"72 hours and 45 minutes Ms. Lawson" No one, not even the drell, had been able to get her to come out. Shepard claimed she was doing 'Important Business' but hadn't specified…they needed to plan their next move…Shepard had just shunned the Illusive Man…and they couldn't stay docked for long… Miranda made her way through the ship, rallying the squad, if Shepard wouldn't come out then they were going in.

"Siha…may I come in now? I wish to see you…" They had nominated Thane as their trap. If anyone could persuade the Commander to open the door it was him.

"Yea…sure, just…hold on a sec…I'm saving." Thane gave Miranda a strange look, shrugging at her questioning glance.

The pad on the door changed from red to green and Shepard appeared as the door slid open.

"Whoa, hey guys!" Her hair was a tangled mess about her face, she had dark circles under her eyes, and Miranda was curious as to when the Commander had last showered.

"Siha…are you ill?" The assassin stepped forward; cradling her face in his hands, tilting her jaw this way and that to examine her.

"I'm fine Thane…" Miranda found it difficult to suppress the need to gag as they shared a very inappropriate kiss for an audience…but considering they had fully expected to die a few weeks ago she figured they deserved it. She still didn't like seeing it though…

"Shepard, why did you lock yourself in here for three days?" Thane might have been willing to oversee her absence but the Cerberus Operative was not.

"Oh…well…I found this amazing game…and I figured it was my duty as leader of this crew to check it out." _She's joking right? Surely she's joking…_

"Shepard…do you mean to tell me you've been up here playing a _video game?_" Shepard's cheeks darkened several shades as she gestured towards her terminal.

"Not just _any_ video game Miri, _our_ video game…" She moved to hand the case to her. "See? Our mission…they just made a game about it." Miranda stared at the case in shock…it was an image of Shepard, her, and Thane on the front.

"Mass Effect 2? What…how the hell did they manage this?" Brina chuckled softly as the assassin's arm went around her shoulders.

"Two words Miri, Illusive Man" Miranda Lawson was a difficult person to stun…but this had succeeded in stunning her into silence.

"Apparently they made an earlier game out of the Saren investigation…but I wanted to play this…" She smiled, "I kicked Collector ass again too!"

Jacob reached for the case, "Damn…how accurate did they get it?" Shepard's face flamed again, and Miranda began to wonder if she was hiding something.

"It's pretty damn accurate…I mean the Illusive Man must have given the game designer actual security footage from the Normandy's archives…EDI already told me he had those video files transferred." She smiled, "The bastard was even able to duplicate our voice patterns, though they took out my accent…it shocked the hell outta me."

Kasumi Goto uncloaked herself, causing everyone to jump slightly. "Hey Shep…who'd you romance?" Miranda caught the Commander's cheeks flush red yet again, _so that's what it was…_

"What do you mean?" Shepard stepped away from Thane towards the thief.

Kasumi waved a small paper booklet at her face. "Shep…it says right here in the manual that you can romance several characters in the game…so who did you go for?"

Shepard wrapped her arms around Thane's waist, snuggling into the assassin's chest. "Who do you think Kasumi?" Thane smiled. Miranda wasn't buying it…the Commander was still blushing.

"You're lying Commander…" Miranda smiled evilly. Shepard's eyes narrowed to slits as she stared down her XO.

"Miri…"

"Shepard…" Shepard knew Miranda had way more embarrassing facts about her…and would start telling the rest of the squad if she didn't tell the truth…but Shepard kept her damn mouth shut anyway.

"Commander Shepard has gone through every romance option available in the game."

"Damn it EDI!" Brina felt Thane's nails dig into her skin; she was too much of a coward to look up at his face…

"EDI, who were the romance options?" Thane's voice had gone extremely low, his tone calm…it was scary…and incredibly sexy at the same time…_damn it Shep, focus!_

"The Romance options were Jacob Taylor, Garrus Vakarian, Thane Krios, and the Justicar Samara, or her daughter Morinth if Shepard had chosen her…Shepard chose Samara in each play through though. The Commander also had the option to stay loyal to Kaidan Alenko, but Shepard did not. In her defense, Shepard's final decision was Thane Krios."

Thane's hand cupped her chin, jerking her face up to where he could look into her eyes. _Oh god is he mad…Arashu, honey…please don't have him kill me…_

"Why?" He hissed. Shepard was conflicted…the first part of her was slightly scared, secondly she was worried she'd hurt his feelings…and the third part of her just wanted to throw him on the bed and get after it.

"I was curious damn it!" She squeezed his waist. "I just wanted to see what happened…"

"So…ah…" Garrus Vakarian coughed; he began shifting from foot to foot. "What did you think of mine?" He was genuinely curious, but she could also see a small amount of concern that she was actually attracted to him.

"Relax Garrus, I was really only curious, and I honestly couldn't finish yours…it was just too weird, I mean you're like a brother to me…" The turian gave a relieved sigh.

"Shepard, I am concerned as to why they would think you and I might share feelings for one another…" Samara stepped forward. "I am a Justicar…I have devoted my life to the Code…"

"Samara it's a video game, it's not real, and anyway you refused me in the end." The Justicar seemed satisfied with that outcome.

"So…you romanced me?" Shepard heard Thane hiss softly in her ear, his arms tightening their hold around her waist as Jacob stepped forward.

"I did…" Thane's nails again dug into her lower back. _Oh now that's going to leave a mark…_

"And?" Shepard actually saw genuine attraction and hope in Taylor's eyes…and judging by the fact that Thane's nails were about to break her skin she figured he saw it too. She didn't want to hurt Jacob's feelings…

"Romancing you was a heavy risk Taylor….but the priiiize…." Shepard burst out laughing, "I'm sorry Jacob…but I just…it was too funny, oh gods…" Jacob gave her a weird look before noticing Thane's expression. Shepard looked up, to find the assassin could give one hell of a death glare.

"Um…Thane?" His expression didn't change as he looked down at her, "I really was only curious…" _Shit…Jacob's gonna die…_

"What was the suicide mission like, did we kick ass?" Jack burst forth, quickly changing the subject.

"We certainly did, and if I hadn't done all of yall's loyalty missions people would have died no matter what I did." The group's eyes widened.

"Anyway, you guys can all play it, I've seen enough." _And I need to calm Thane down before he snaps Jacob's neck…_

"Alright everyone out!" Miranda yelled gesturing for the rest of the squad to leave.

"I call first dibs!" Tali yelled as she was pushed towards the door.

"Fuck no, I get first game!" Jack's body flickered blue as she made a jump for the case.

"That is not fair; I want to see what it's like to be a battle master!" Grunt yelled after the biotic.

"Hey, no one gets a turn until I see it!" Garrus roared.

Miranda and Jacob shared a look as the rest of the squad filed out. "They are like children I swear!" Jacob nodded as they left.

It was then Brina realized they had just left her alone…all alone with no back up…all alone with an extremely jealous assassin who could kill her with his pinkie if he wanted too…_Shit…_

"Why Siha? Are you uncertain of us? Have I not pleased you?" Shepard reached out and jerked him towards her by the collar of his jacket.

"Listen carefully drell…I…was…just…_curious_."

"But Siha…"

"But nothing! Jeez it's just a game!" She shoved him, "I was concerned as to what I was like in those romances…I wanted to make sure I was still me…since they didn't have actual archived footage of the other options…"

"Wait…you mean…"

"Yes…they got almost everything right, they cut our dialogue way down…but you know the night before the Collectors?" Thane's face softened, and he reached out for her just as she moved into his arms.

"It was exactly what happened…though apparently EDI shut the cameras off before things got…_heated_." Thane's hands slid down her back, pulling her closer.

"Siha…I still don't understand why…"

"Damn it Thane, let it go! Sheesh, I never figured you would be the jealous type…" Thane moved to protest, but she cut him off again.

"Do you want to know a secret about the game?" She asked as she shoved him back, smiling evilly as he fell onto the bed.

Not allowing him to respond she quickly climbed on top of him, nuzzling his neck as he embraced her.

"I liked your romance the best…" She purred before silencing him with her mouth.

**AN2: Did I just blow your mind? :D**


	20. Make a wish Siha pt 1

**AN: Wow...seriously...just wow...this whole thing began with a request from Lightan117...I believe the assignment was "Can it be Shepard's birthday and Thane goes all lovey-dovey?" Trust me...he does ^.^ Anyway, that set off a whole chain of events that led to this behemoth of a moment in Brina and Thane's life...in fact, I'm splitting Brina's birthday into two chapters, cause it's that long :D I hope this is lovey dovey enough for yall, I'm not the lovey dovey type myself, as Sever-Black put it we're kinda more the "Get in the bed now Drell" types :P**

**I've stated this in Lotus that Brina is from the Appalachian mountains, but I don't think I've put that here...Brina is actually from my home town in North Carolina, so I hope yall enjoy this...I hope I've done the mountains justice...**

**Anywho, here it is Lightan117, I hope you and your sister enjoy it, and I promise to have the chapter up as soon as possible! :) Oh and Happy Birthday Brina! :D**

Shepard curled into a tight ball under the blankets; it was nice to be warm. She actually felt good this morning…and she wasn't sure why…the only difference she could find was that she had actually managed to sleep well…

Groaning; she stretched, jumping slightly as her arms felt more than the smoothness of sheets.

"What the hell?" She mumbled groggily, lifting her palm to her face. She was holding a small circular object…it was red, and soft…she crumpled it in her hand before examining it again. "What is this?"

"Rose petals Siha" Shepard smiled at Thane's voice, sitting up to find her bed was covered with them. The assassin was seated at the foot of the bed, smiling back.

"Aww….come here" She held out her arms. Thane stood and walked to her side of the bed, cradling her face as she pulled him down for a kiss. As he moved to pull away, he felt Shepard smile against his lips, before jerking him forward, causing him to fall into bed with her.

"Sooo what's the occasion?" She asked as she lay on top of him. His fingers began to trace patterns in her back as she nuzzled his neck.

"I thought it was an appropriate way to start celebrating the day of your birth Siha." Shepard's smile widened as she kissed him again. _Best…birthday…ever_ she thought as his lips moved down her neck.

"You're a sap you know that right?" Thane's only response was to bite her neck…hard, causing her to dig her nails into his shoulders. "Jerk face..." Thane chuckled in response.

"So where did you ge-Ach!" Thane flipped her over, pushing her arms up over her head and holding her wrists.

"Yes?"He murmured. Shepard tried to break free…but drell were stronger than humans…and even with Cerberus upgrades, the way he had her arms pinned made it almost impossible for her to break his hold.

"Damn it…" She grumbled as she continued to squirm.

"Having some difficulties there Siha?"

"Bastard" She grumbled again. Thane kissed her forehead as he released her hands. Shepard in turn ran them over his shoulders, raking her nails down his back. She finally got her payback as he kissed her and she bit his lower lip…hard enough to cause him to growl in protest. "Payback's a bitch ain't it?"She laughed. "Now back to my original question…"

Thane kissed the tip of her nose, "Yes?"

"Where did you get the roses?" Thane smiled.

"Ms. Goto was most helpful."

"Ah, I see…remind me to thank her." Thane murmured something along the lines of 'I shall' against her neck as he kissed along her collarbone.

"You know what would make this morning even better?" She purred as Thane continued his ministrations.

He raised his head, "What Siha?" Shepard flipped him, smiling wickedly as she began to remove his vest.

"You"

**. . .**

"Damn you…

"What exactly am I being damned for this time Siha?"

"Look at this! What the fuck Thane? I _do_ need to appear professional on this ship…"

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy it Siha…"

"Damn you twice." _Hell yes you enjoyed it Shep…don't lie…_

Cursing her inner monologue she pulled the collar of her uniform up over her neck for the thousandth time that morning. Thane knew the rules…damn him.

"Happy Birthday She-Oh my god what happened to your neck?" Kelly Chambers cried as the couple exited the elevator. Thane's arm tightened its hold around her waist, and she could actually _feel _the smug expression that spread across his face.

"I am soooo gonna hurt you later tonight…" She hissed.

"I am looking forward to it Siha…"

Garrus came out of the main battery, "Shepard, what the hell? Did you actually allow a varren to chew on your jugular?"

They were speaking of the jagged bite marks that ran from just below her right ear down to her shoulder…her first thought when she had examined it in the mirror was that she looked like she had been a great white shark's chew toy…_damn that assassin…_

Thane pulled her close, tenderly kissing along the bite marks, "I honestly hadn't meant to leave such a mark…I didn't hurt you did I?" He whispered.

"No…don't worry."

"Nice to see you keeping things professional there Shepard…" Garrus taunted.

"Yea yea laugh it up people, get a good looonnnggg look cause I'm headin for Chakwas!"

"Chickenshit!" Garrus called.

Shepard flipped Garrus the bird before entering the Med Bay.

. . .

"Shep…" Brina almost jumped out of her skin as Kasumi appeared behind her. She was spreading the cover up ointment on her bite marks in the women's restroom. When the thief appeared she had dropped the container, leaving a very icky looking peach colored puddle on the floor. Wiping the spill up with a washcloth she glared up at the woman.

"Damn it! You know between you and Thane I think I've had about ten years taken off my life span…" Kasumi bowed her head as if she was sorry…Shepard knowing without a doubt that she was not.

"I wanted to wish you happy birthday, and I have a gift for you…"

Shepard smiled, instantly softening, "Aw, Kasumi you didn't need to get me anything…"

"It's just a small thing, come with me; I think you'll need to receive it in private." Shepard raised one eyebrow before following the thief.

Once in the port observation deck Kasumi went to her desk, pulling what looked to be a holo frame out of one of the drawers.

"I've been waiting for an occasion to give this to you…" She smiled, "I figured it was time you replaced Alenko's photo…"

Brina took the frame, turning it over in her hand. "Oh Kasumi…" She breathed.

Kasumi must have been cloaked when she took it, for Brina didn't remember posing for the holo… It was of her and Thane outside the door to Life Support, she was laughing, holding her stomach, her head thrown back. Thane was leaning against the side of the door, laughing with her, he looked utterly gorgeous…

"I knew you would like it…"

"Kasumi…this is the best gift anyone could give me…" Brina blinked several times, determined not to get choked up. "Thay lord…this is perfect…"

"There is more Shep…I have the contacts available to set you up with a greybox…the procedure is only slightly painful…and you would be able to get a taste of what it's like to have an eidetic memory…you know..for when Thane…" Brina's eyes widened at the offer.

"Kasumi…I…I don't know what to say…I'm going to need to think about it for a bit okay?"

Kasumi nodded, "I expected that, let me know what you decide."

"I shall…and thank you Kasumi…you've no idea how much this means to me." The thief smiled, before giving her a brief hug.

"Don't mention it Shep."

. . .

"So Shepard, what's the game plan for today?" Joker was smirking at her from his table in the Mess.

"Wait…what do you mean? I thought we were heading to Tuchanka?" It was then Brina Shepard noticed the lack of engine noise…there was no steady pulsing of the drive core…the crew deck was eerily silent… "Are we docked?"

"I am honestly quite surprised you didn't notice the instant you woke up Siha…" Thane murmured next to her. She leaned into his side, her hands running up his chest.

"Well, Thane…you know, you are an ammmaaazzziiinnnggg distraction…" She purred. He gave a small, almost nonexistent smile before kissing her forehead. She turned her attention back to Joker.

"Joker…are we docked at Tuchanka?" Her pilot shook his head.

"No"

"Why the hell not? Why did you change course?" _We're kinda on a tight schedule here flyboy!_

"Thane and Garrus threatened me…" Joker pouted, though he was soon laughing.

Shepard turned to Thane, his smile had become wicked. "You're up to something…" She said, glancing at Garrus, who only offered a shrug.

"EDI…where are we?" Shepard addressed the AI. Thane pulled her into a hug as the AI responded, planting a small kiss to her temple.

"The Normandy is currently docked at hanger C12 in Charlotte, North Carolina, Shepard."

. . .

"I can't believe you did this…" Brina's face was plastered to the window of the Kodiak shuttle…they were heading away from the dock in Charlotte, up into the mountains…closer to home.

"I honestly didn't do that much Siha…" Brina turned from the window, a soft look in her eyes.

"No…you've done a lot already…you don't even realize…" She turned back to the window, her voice cracking. Thane moved to embrace her; worried he had upset her…

"Thay Lord…look…" She breathed as his arms encircled her. Thane tore his gaze away from her face reluctantly, having to do a double take at the sight that awaited them.

He had known the fact that it was autumn where they were going would make for a spectacular view…but he hadn't been expecting the pure magnificence that he now faced.

The mountains gently rose from the flat land of the city, wrapped in a brilliant display of red and gold…the leaves of the trees seemed to glow in the morning light as the shuttle passed over them. For as far as he could see the mountains never ended…slowly fading from the warm colors of autumn into soothing, cool shades of blue.

Thane had seen wilderness…jungles and forests alike were not a new sight to him. But it was obvious the Appalachians were quite different. He had seen a lot of Earth, researching for this trip…most of the planet was covered by cities, no amount of forest allowed to go free.

Where other places civilization had formed over the wilderness, here…it was obvious civilization had formed _around_ it…leaving most of the terrain untamed. Thane could see little pockets of humanity nestled into the nooks and crannies of the Appalachians…but the rest appeared almost completely untouched. It was beautiful…and Thane knew this first site of his Siha's homeland was a memory he was going to cherish until the day he died.

"This is…spectacular…" He murmured.

"I…I know…" Her voice was off…he looked down to find she was crying. "I never…thought I'd see the Appalachians again…" She turned to him, her hands cupping his face as she pressed her forehead to his, "Thank you." She whispered fiercely, before wrapping her arms around his shoulders, burying her face into his neck.

"Happy Birthday Siha…"

. . .

"I…I-what?" Brina Shepard was speechless as she exited the shuttle.

"I thought you would like returning home Siha…"

"This…this is my apartment…how?"

"Ms. Lawson told me where it was…and Cerberus took up paying your rent once they recovered your body…they've been keeping it maintained should you ever wish to return…" Brina turned to him, her face one of shock.

"You mean…it's exactly as I left it?" Thane knew how devastated she had been when she woke from Lazarus…how everything had changed in the blink of an eye…all of her friends had had time to adjust and harden after her death…but Brina had remained the same. He understood how important this would be…which was why he had brought her. He hoped she would take comfort in that her home had remained the same.

"Unless Ms. Lawson was lying, it should be…" Brina's lips quirked in a small smile as she walked to the front door.

"I don't have the-" She began.

Thane held up a small, copper colored key, smiling. Brina took the key, kissing his knuckles briefly. "You've thought of everything haven't you?"

"I tried to Siha…"

Brina opened the front door, her smile widening as she took in the front room. Thane stepped in after her. "It looks exactly the same…" She whispered.

The entrance way was small, but nice looking. The red colored walls were lined with bookcases, all filled to the brim. Thane was stunned…

"Siha…"

"What? I'm a bookworm…"

"A…what?"

"Human thing…nevermind…"

"Never let Kasumi know where you live."

Brina laughed as Thane began examining the books…

"Um…yea, Thane? Ya wanna see the rest of the place?" Brina smiled, she knew how much he loved books…he looked as if he'd just achieved Nirvana. He quickly turned from the literature, smiling.

"Of course Siha" She tugged him out of the front room.

Brina was ecstatic as she moved through her apartment. Everything…was exactly as she had left it. Cerberus had been extremely thorough.

Thane had to stop in the doorway to the main room of the apartment…

The floors were made of a dark wood he couldn't define…the walls completely white. The entire left wall was made up of floor to ceiling windows that looked out to a small wood porch and a tiny creek; he had thought the water was gold colored…but then realized the color was from the leaves floating on top of the still water. Sun rays filtered through the branches of the many trees surrounding the apartment, giving the whole yard an ethereal appearance. He turned away from the view to examine the room…

The room was quite bare of any furniture, save for a small red futon and an entertainment system, surrounded by various vids…Thane smiled as he caught the edge of a gaming console peeking out from under the futon.

Glancing at the walls he froze, wondering why he hadn't noticed the décor when he first entered…

Lined against almost every wall were stacks upon stacks of canvases. Each one with a stunning design…the walls were covered with similar looking pieces of art. Brina was sifting through some of them…a small smile on her face, her eyes having a faraway look in them that clearly stated her mind was in the past.

"Siha…"

"Yes?"

"Where did you get these?" They were beautiful. Not seeming to have any real image to them, it was just swirls and designs of color splattered across the blank surface, occasionally his eyes would pick out a familiar object, some even appeared to resemble faces…but it was obvious the blending of the colors was the focus of the piece…not the objects depicted. Brina turned from her work and walked towards him. Her steps uncertain…

"I…uh…" Brina had begun to fidget with the hem of her shirt…eyes dropping their gaze to the floor as she stood in front of him, "I…made them… myself…" Her face flushed with color. Thane's inner eyelids flickered several times.

"You…did these?" He was shocked…he knew she was an artist on the battle field…it really shouldn't have come as such a shock that she was one off the field as well.

"I know they aren't very goo-" Thane kissed her before she could finish the sentence.

"Don't say that…don't you dare even _think _it Siha." She smiled before kissing him again, her arms wrapping around his waist. She sighed happily as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"So…what do you think? It's usually not as clean as this…that was Cerberus's mistake…" Thane smiled.

"This place fits you well Siha…"

"I missed being here." She straightened from his embrace, a peculiar expression on her face. "I wonder…" She stepped over to the entertainment system, picking up a remote on the side table. Pressing a button, she waited. Thane not sure what she was doing.

A guitar sounded; the notes soft and soothing. The music seemed to slowly seep into the room, and Brina's eyes instantly filled. "Oh…" She breathed as Thane heard a woman's voice begin to sing.

The song was elegant…with a touch of melancholy that seemed to make it all the more enchanting. He noticed Brina swaying slightly as she listened. "Who is singing?" He asked.

Brina sniffled slightly before dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. "A woman named Stevie Nicks…this is one of my favorite songs…" She smiled as she examined the room, her grin widening as her gaze finally rested on him.

Thane then found himself pressed up against the windows, Brina practically attacking him from all angles. He laughed into her mouth as he felt her tug at his jacket sleeves. He pulled away somewhat reluctantly. "Siha…" His voice was slightly deeper, the rasp more noticeable, sending a delicious shiver down her spine.

"Yea?"

"We really don't have that long here…"

"I don't care" Her mouth was on his again, his jacket now pulled down to his elbows. He shuddered slightly as the music swelled in the background… it was almost impossible to push her away as she began to unfasten his vest.

"Siha…as much as I would love to…and it is extremely difficult to refuse you…we really don't have the time, I figured you would want to bring some of this stuff back to the Normandy with you…" He smirked as she growled in irritation.

"Bring…what exactly?" She looked slightly puzzled.

"Weren't you complaining about how the only clothing you had was covered in Cerberus logos?" Brina's eyes widened.

"Oh my Gods…" She ran to a room in the back, Thane hearing the distinct clanking of clothes hangers slamming together. He heard her actually squeal and smiled to himself. He turned and sat on her futon, waiting for her to get dressed, contenting himself with listening to the rest of the song…

. . .

"You know…clothing really shouldn't matter much…but this makes me feel almost like my old self again…" Thane turned in the direction of her voice…

She had arrived in her usual Cerberus uniform…the cargo pants and shirt that all the crew wore, and he found her beautiful in it…hell, she could have worn a grimy paper sack and appeared gorgeous in his eyes…but he had to admit the new outfit was stunning on her.

She had changed into a slightly fuzzy red sweater and a brown leather jacket, the shape of her legs being shown off to perfection in skin tight…jeans…he remembered they were called. Looking at her feet he saw a peculiar pair of dark brown, leather boots…they clicked against the floor as she walked. "They're called cowboy boots…" She explained as she saw him stare at them with his brow furrowed. She turned to drag a large green duffle bag out from the back room.

"Alright, got my clothes, thank you for reminding me" She smiled, glancing about the room again.

"You are most welcome Siha…" She ran her hand along the top of one of the many canvases in the room.

"Thane…" She called. He went to stand next to her.

"Yes?"

"Would you like one of these?" His eyes widened as he looked at the stacks of paintings.

"You would allow me to take one?" Brina gave him what could only be called a 'duh' stare.

"Of course! I can't take them all…and I want the one I do bring to be one you really like…so go on!" She gestured about the room. "Pick one…"

Brina pulled her bag out to the Shuttle while Thane began searching through the art. Smiling as she threw her stuff into the Kodiak. Upon returning to the living room she had to laugh.

He was standing in front of three pieces…a look of indecision on his face. As she moved to stand beside him she saw why he was torn…

"Why these?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I'm not sure…they just caught my eye…which do you like?" She stepped towards the one she had seen first…

She had named it "Three Souls" the three figures blending together towards the center of the piece. She couldn't remember why she had originally painted it...but seeing it now, the colors reminded her of a memory Thane had once described…

"I think you should take this one…" She selected the painting in the middle.

"Why that one Siha?"

She gestured toward the top right hand corner… the figure was a mixture of dark green and red, the swirls in an almost Aztec design…she remembered she had used an actual medical scalpel to pull the designs off… "That's you…" She pointed towards the figure at the base of the canvas, this one a soft blue with lighter shades surrounding it, "There is Kolyat…"

Thane's breath hitched in his throat as she gestured towards the third figure. The colors were a brilliant display of oranges and reds, the slightest hint of yellow around the face…"And there is Irikah…" She whispered.

Brina's smile widened at the tender look on his face.

"Siha…" His voice had thickened, and it appeared he was trying to keep his emotions in check… Brina kissed him on the cheek, squeezing his waist as he moved to embrace her. She smiled at the painting as his mouth travelled down her neck.

"Do you want it placed in the Loft, or Life Support?"

**AN2: The song Brina and Thane listen to in her apartment is "Crystal" by Stevie Nicks. Seriously, this song just totally represents Brina&Thane's romance...please go to youtube and listen to it...It makes the chapter so much better :)**


	21. Make a wish Siha pt 2

**AN: Ya know, I can almost _feel_ the collective 'FINALLY!' lol, I am SO sorry this took so long...both College and extreme health issues have kinda tripped me up writing wise...also am dealing with an uber case of writer's cluster fuck...omg the plot bunnies...there are _millions_ of them...**

**Anywho I appreciate your patience with this, I've been working on it for a while, am still not completely happy with it, so by all means give me some feedback people :)**

**By the way, the wamazing artist Missi-Moonshine from deviantart drew Brina and Thane for me! ^.^ She is a Goddess people, a true goddess! The link is on my profile if yall are curious, I think it looks gorgeous :D**

Brina opened her eyes; slightly disoriented when she didn't see stars…_Oh that's right…I'm not on the Normandy, Im-Ohhhh….._

She turned over, nipping a green scaled shoulder, "Morning starshine…the Earth says hello!"

She received a deep, gravelly groan as a response.

"Come on…wake up…"

"No."

"I'm going to hurt you…"

"You are welcome to try Siha…"

She slapped him with her pillow, Thane giving no reaction whatsoever. "Damn it…" She decided to try another tactic…

"Thane…"

"Yes"

Brina cuddled up to his back, sliding her hands around his torso. She could swear she heard him purr…She nipped his shoulder again, her hands sliding over his stomach, _if he'd just turn over slightly…_

He did; laying a small kiss against her jaw. Brina chose that moment to strike by jabbing her fingers into his sides. Thane gave a small yelp as he leapt out of the bed.

"Siha!"

Brina couldn't stop laughing…the look on his face was priceless; both slightly disoriented and a little betrayed. He stiffened, moving to grab his clothes.

"Aw don't be a bitch, come back here…"

Thane shook his head, he was such a grump in the mornings…it was at these times she saw where Kolyat got his moodiness from. Brina pouted as she watched him pull on his leather pants. When he moved near enough, trying to grab his vest, she hooked her fingers into his waistband and jerked.

Drell were a lot heavier than humans…so she was mildly surprised that he fell back. She laughed at his surprised expression, "I said come back here…" she giggled.

Thane scowled at her amusement, still not fully awake, and not pleased at how he had been awakened. "What is it Siha?"

Brina kissed him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, "Morning…" She murmured as she pulled away. Thane softened under her as he pulled her closer.

"Morning Siha…"

"So did you sleep well?" They had spent yesterday visiting all her old haunts, which Thane had researched to find hadn't really changed since her death. This pleased Brina to no end.

"Yes, and you?" He said softly, his hands trailing up her back as she nuzzled his neck and kissed his shoulder.

"Same…better than on the Normandy actually." She stood, pulling on a robe as she moved towards the door, "So do you want me to make you breakfast in bed? I warn you…I can only make toast…"

Thane chuckled as he pulled the covers over himself, "That would be nice Siha…" He was surprised at how easily she smiled now that she was away from the Normandy; she seemed a lot less stressed…

"Alright, be right back!"He watched her slide her feet back into her cowboy boots before leaving to the kitchen, her outfit causing much amusement on his end of things. He smiled as he turned over, a memory snapping into focus without warning.

_Golden scales shine in the early morning light as her body shimmies into her dress. "Are you hungry?" Irikah turns to me, her smile radiant._

"_Yes…"_

"_Alright, be right back" I hear her move down the hall, calling to Kolyat who will be late for school if he doesn't get up soon…_

_I fall back into bed, exhausted, only having returned from my last contract yesterday._

_The smell hits me as I hear her enter the bedroom, smells of fresh bread and spices._

"_Wake up Thane…"_

Thane jerked back to the present, cringing at the horrid smell coming into the bedroom from the kitchen.

Brina's head poked into the room a moment later, "The toaster is now on fire, sooo…we're going out for breakfast!" Her boots clunked against the floor as she moved down the hall to the main room of the apartment.

Thane sat up, laughing quietly to himself, _it is never boring with my Siha…_

. . .

Thane had always tried to find the beauty in any planet or area he was in, he tried his best not to be judgmental…but he had always viewed his surroundings with a kind of criticism, unconsciously comparing it to Kahje…the extravagance of the ocean views in the Encompassing, the elegance of the structural designs of the domed drell cities…it was very hard to compete with that in his mind.

The glory of North Carolina…was definitely not the Encompassing…but it was the first place Thane came to that he was instantly in love with. He could see why Brina was so happy to be back.

Brina was taking him on a hike; showing him some of her favorite trails. For the first time in ten years…he felt himself actually begin to relax. There was a sense of comfort that seemed to resonate throughout the trees, and when the wind blew through the forest, the light whisper of the rustling leaves made the most pleasant background noise.

They were finding it difficult to stay on the set trail. Seeing as it was fall; the ground was littered with leaves, causing the path and surrounding foliage to be covered in a massive golden carpet. More leaves showered down on them from the slowly vanishing canopy above. Brina informing him that eventually all the leaves would fall, leaving the branches of the trees completely bare. He was happy they had arrived at just the right time to catch the best of the colors before they all withered and decayed on the ground.

Thane was also delighted that though most of North Carolina could be considered a city…it certainly _looked_ like a metropolis…the urban environment had limits. He was thoroughly enjoying the newfound quiet. Occasionally they would hear a stray bird call, but all other sounds of civilization had melted away as they'd continued further through the woods.

"I love it here…" Brina breathed. Thane wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

"I'm glad Siha"

A slight rustling, not caused by the wind, shattered the serenity of the moment. "Oh shit…" Brina hissed. Thane turned in the direction she was looking, barely controlling his shock.

He had researched a great deal about Earth and it's creatures…particularly the ones native to Brina's home…he believed this one was called a Mountain Lion…or Cougar, they were extremely rare…

"Stand very…_very_ still…" Brina murmured.

Thane watched the great cat slink through the leaves towards them…as it got closer he marveled at the animal. Its fur was tawny, with mild reddish tones along its back and around its neck. It had big, round ears that pricked forward as it drew near them. Thane warily glanced at the Cougar's huge paws, which sported nasty looking claws that his leather or Brina's jacket would have almost no hopes of protecting them against. He was about to throw himself in between Brina and the Cougar when it turned its gaze on him and he froze.

When Thane had first looked into Irikah's eyes he had thought of sunsets…as he gazed into this creature's dark brown orbs, all he could see…was Brina. The way it moved as it circled them…was just like his Siha in a fight, and its eyes…he had seen the same look in Brina's eyes whenever she had approached an attacker…

"Momma…Momma, KITTY!"

"Damn it!" Brina cried as a tiny human girl broke through the bushes; startling the animal, which was now in between them and the child. The girl seemed to realize her mistake as the creature stalked towards her.

The great cat paused as it sniffed the small human, narrowing its eyes and delivering a soft hiss. The child backed up against a tree, whimpering slightly, calling for her mother.

Thane watched as Brina leapt in front of the cat, throwing her arms up and delivering a frightening shriek as she advanced towards the animal. Thane was once again struck by the similarities…

The Cougar hissed, Brina returning the gesture as she crouched before the child. Thane watched in amazement as the cat glanced back at him, hissing one final time before lumbering back into the forest where it came.

The small child was crying, her keening wails deafening in the newfound quiet. Brina knelt in front of her, cradling her face and murmuring soothing words. The girl seemed to calm at this, smiling slightly as Brina wiped the tears from the girl's cheeks with her thumbs.

"Anya, what on Earth?" Thane watched another human emerge through the trees, this one definitely adult. She had long golden colored hair, her skin wasn't as pale as Brina's but it wasn't tan either. She had bright green eyes and a pleasantly round face. She wore an outfit very similar in style to Brina's only with hiking shoes instead of cowboy boots and the bright blue sweater and jeans were skin tight…

"Momma…there was a kitty! It was mean…" The girl ran to the woman, wrapping her tiny arms around the lady's legs.

"A kitty?" She suddenly noticed she wasn't alone with her daughter, "What the hell is she talking about?"

Brina smiled, "It was a Mountain Lion…don't worry no harm was done physically, I scared it off." Thane gave a small smile, proud of his Siha.

"Oh my Gawd!" Thane noticed this woman's accent was slightly thicker than Brina's…and as Brina continued to converse with her, her own accent became more noticeable. The other woman clutched the child to her.

"Yes…but like I said no real harm done, it's gone now…"

"Thank God for that…Anya, what did I tell you about running from the trails?" The small girl looked suitably chastened.

Thane had seen a few human children on the Citadel…this one was even smaller than most duct rats…

She had a small oval face, with wide blue eyes that seemed to change shades depending on what angle she held her head. Long brown hair swung about her shoulders, most of it a jumbled and tangled mess. She wore a small blue dress that exposed her pale, bony arms and legs; Thane was surprised to find she wore no shoes…

"But Momma…I saw the green man and wanted to say hi." Brina gave Thane a small smile.

"Anya…" The woman sighed before turning back to them, "I apologize for her intrusion, thank you for saving my daughter, it is a debt I wish I could repay with more than words…we'll leave you to your day."

"No worries, I was glad I was here to help," Brina extended her hand, "Brina Shepard…"

The other woman paused…her eyes widening as she stared at Brina. "B-Brina?"

"Yes…?"

Brina gave a startled yelp as the other woman threw her arms around her, "The last time I saw you you were showing off your new Alliance uniform with all its flashy buttons and badges like you was the queen of England…God it's been ages, how the hell are you girl?"

When Brina only continued to stare at the woman she gave a startled laugh, "It's me, Orla, remember?"

Thane watched his Siha's face change from confused to ecstatic, once again amazed by how expressive human faces were.

"Orla!" She practically tackled her, kissing her cheek before stepping back. "Gosh, I didn't even recognize you…"

"I didn't recognize you either…what happened to your hair?"

Brina laughed as she ran her fingers through it, "Long hair is a tactical risk ya know…"

"In my line of work it's a requirement." Brina did a double take.

"You mean you still work for…"

Orla nodded, a small smile playing across her full lips, "Yep, but it's under new management…" She turned towards the trail, "our house is nearby, why don't yall come along and we can catch up? Unless…" She glanced towards Thane.

Brina turned to him, the question in her eyes. Thane himself was quite curious about the two…Brina had barely spoken of her time in the Reds.

"Whatever Siha wishes is fine with me."

The woman named Orla giggled before leaning in conspiratorially towards Brina, "Well…you certainly can pick 'em….such manners!" Brina laughed, grabbing Thane's hand and squeezing it affectionately as they began to follow Orla.

. . .

"Hey lover boy…your girl's picture is over there if you're curious…" Orla tossed over her shoulder as she carried a fussing Anya into a back room.

Thane nodded as he moved towards the framed holo…stunned by what he saw.

It was definitely Brina…but you wouldn't have been able to tell without really knowing the woman. He glanced back at her as she too examined the holo frames, feeling sadness tighten in his chest as he realized just how much Lazarus had erased.

The holo showed a very young red head, her skin was cream and roses while her bronze eyes seemed to glow. A delicate veil of freckles laced across her nose and cheeks while her crimson curls cascaded down her shoulders. She looked radiant, and for once he was happy to have an eidetic memory.

"Gah I look like such a dork!" Brina crowed over his shoulder. Thane glanced towards Orla, who was preoccupied with her daughter. He then grabbed Brina, pulling her close and pressing his forehead against hers.

"Really? You look like an angel to me…" Brina kissed his chin.

"Yet again you prove to be quite the sap..." She murmured as she snuggled into his chest.

"Oh wow…that's an old one…" She breathed as she moved out of his embrace, "I think I was seventeen…"

Thane looked towards the picture she was examining, his breath catching slightly.

Brina was posing with a group of other young girls…she was scantily clad, her skin glowing against the dark garments. Something was off about her skin though…her arms looked as if they had scales…but upon closer inspection he saw it was a design painted into her skin…

"I miss my tattoos…" Brina whispered as she traced the intricate designs, "Those Celtic knot designs were not easy to get…very painful." Thane didn't doubt it, the knot work wrapped around her arms, trailing across her collar bone and dipping between her breasts.

"What do they mean?"

"A number of things…mainly I just liked how they were a link to my heritage…plus the symbolism in Celtic knot work is beautiful…see here," She pointed towards a figure eight design close to her wrist, right below her inner elbow in the holo, "Those were snakes intertwining, the snake is a Celtic sign of renewal, I took it as meaning a fresh start…"

"The one I miss the most is the one you can't see…" She gestured to her back, "It was across my shoulder blades…I had the Celtic trinity symbol…"

"And what did that one mean to you Siha?"

Brina sighed, "Oh…many things…" Thane noticed her tracing a design into her palm, "My favorite was Maiden, Mother, and Crone…which symbolizes the stages of life…kinda like the Asari? It's very difficult to explain the Celtic Trinity…there are so many meanings and explanations of the lore…"

There was a scuffle from behind them as Orla entered the room, "Hi guys, sorry about that…Anya needed to be put down for her nap."

Thane smiled at Brina, who moved to embrace her friend again.

"I missed you Orla…how've you been?"

The other woman sighed as she fell into an arm chair, "Oh pretty much the same…still dancing till my toes break."

"Yes, I saw the pole…" Both women looked towards the pole in the corner of the room, Thane recognizing it from his time on Omega, "I can't believe you have one in your house…" Brina laughed.

"Well, why the hell not? Its great exercise…I mean we all can't get slammin bodies by slaying Geth…plus it keeps me in practice for work…"

Brina stepped closer to the pole, examining it, "I wonder…" She murmured.

Orla laughed. "Go for it girl! How long has it been? I doubt you'd remember the steps…"

Brina didn't like the way Orla was laughing at her. Gritting her teeth, determined, she approached the pole. "I remember damn it."

Thane's eyes widened as he watched his Siha spin around the pole, eventually pulling herself up it and twisting around. He recalled the Asari dancers of Omega performing similar moves…only he didn't get as excited when they danced…_Goddess of Oceans…get a hold of yourself!_ He mentally yelled at himself…

"So…you used to pole dance as well Siha?"

Brina, hanging upside down by her feet, smiled up at him, "Yup…I used to do these exact moves…only difference is I was naked…" She flipped, spinning around the pole once more...

Orla's laughter was almost contagious as she punched Thane in the shoulder, "Oh my God…Brina, you should see his face…oh this is priceless!"

Thane could almost feel the red ribbing of his throat darken to almost burgundy.

Brina quickly jumped down to the floor, her face flushed as she smiled at Thane. "Whew! I'd forgotten how much of a workout that is…damn…" She flopped onto the nearby couch.

It was definitely easier to deal with the pain and emotional trauma they had both endured in the Reds by being nonchalant and joking about it…Brina didn't like remembering what it had been like to be a dancer…how dangerous it was…how if you were ever taken to the back rooms you were dead…

But instead of focusing on that, Brina and Orla had both decided to put on happy faces and pretend the bad stuff hadn't happened.

"Wait…Orla, why are you even still working? I mean…don't you want to get out of that?"

Orla crossed her arms, "Yea I thought about finding another job…but the truth is I make a ton of money with this…and that allows me to provide for Anya…and provide well, I don't want to risk that."

Brina nodded, "So you still work at the club?" she asked Orla.

"I _own_ the club."

Brina gave a shocked gasp as she took a seat across from Orla, "No way! I thought that building was owned by the Reds…how'd you swing that?"

Orla had been a dancer at the same club Brina worked at before she signed up for the Alliance. Always pleasant and extremely talented, Orla had been a favorite among the gang's kingpins because she refused to let the place crush her spirit.

She had had a knack for pole dancing…becoming an expert at the turning tricks in a few months, whereas the dancers that had been there for years could barely haul themselves up the pole let alone do fancy moves. It had earned her some jealous enemies, but Brina had admired how Orla seemed to always bounce back with a smile and a kind word. Not to say that her friend never fought…you crossed Orla and you soon got knocked on your ass…she'd just be real sweet about it afterward.

"It's a long story…but basically the Reds have moved further down the mountain…they're over in Charlotte now, though you won't see them. They're fixen to start to expand…"

"Wow…well damn…so they just gave you the club?" It was then Brina noticed Thane was still standing, watching them.

Thane smiled as Brina motioned for him to sit next to her, laughing softly when she yelped as he pulled her into his lap.

Orla grinned at the two, "Pretty much, though I did use some extremely useful blackmail…" Brina didn't doubt it…Orla had an aura about her that made you feel safe…made you feel comfortable around her; it wasn't a shock that she knew a few secrets.

"Now enough about me…what's this all about?" She smiled as she gestured at the couple.

Brina smiled at her friend as Thane nuzzled her neck affectionately, "There isn't much to tell really…Thane kinda just swept me off my feet."

Orla's smile widened, "Now you know Thane Krios…I've heard of you…I know your line of work, hell I even considered hiring you once…"

"That's…intriguing…" Thane raised one eye ridge.

"Ended up doing the job myself, but that's beside the point, this girl you've snagged here…" She gestured towards Brina, "She's very important to me, and she's been through absolute hell…you break her heart…and I'll break your face."

Brina had to laugh at the situation, Orla had just threatened the best assassin in the galaxy, but he took it in stride.

Thane bowed his head in acknowledgment, "I swear to watch over my Siha, and protect her from harm until my dying breath." He spoke almost reverently and Brina smiled down at him as his hands briefly tightened their hold around her.

"Well hot damn Brina!" Orla crowed as she leaned back in her chair, "Hang on to this one…don't let him out of your sight do you hear me?"

Brina laughed kissing the dark pentagonal mark on Thane's forehead, "I'll try my best…" She whispered.

"Momma!"

"Ah hell…" Orla groaned before a small being launched itself into her lap.

"What are you doing outta bed?"

Little Anya eyed Brina and Thane critically, "I wanted to meet your friends…"

Brina smiled and moved out of Thane's lap, opting to sit right beside him, "Hi there Anya…my name is Brina." She extended her hand.

Anya wasn't having it though, instead bypassing the hand shake all together and crawling into the Commander's lap.

It was difficult for Thane to suppress his laughter as the little girl leaned in close, her and Brina's noses practically touching. They sat like that for several minutes before the girl spoke.

"I am Anya, pleased to meet you." She then extended her hand for Brina to shake; once that was done she turned towards Thane, who seemed to stiffen under her scrutiny.

It was Brina's turn to laugh as Anya crawled into the drell's lap, leaning in just as close as she had with Brina.

"And who are you?" She asked.

"Thane Krios"

"You talk funny…"

"Most humans seem to share your opinion."

"I'm Anya, pleased to meet you." She and Thane shook hands.

"And I you." Thane replied, smiling. The little girl smiled back before curling up in his lap and promptly falling asleep.

Brina felt her heart constrict as she watched Thane reposition the child to a more comfortable position on his lap, he lightly began to stroke the girl's hair, a small smile stretching his lips.

For the first time Brina allowed herself to think of _that_ particular 'what if'…the what if that had her marrying Thane…having his children…where she would have an _actual_ family…

The 'what if' was quickly banished from her mind. It was a foolish desire, one that would only cause massive pain and heart ache if she continued to host those thoughts any longer. Thane was dying…and she had a galaxy to save. To want to bring a vulnerable life into that was an extremely selfish thought and Brina instantly hated herself for the few seconds she allowed herself to daydream.

"You alright Brina?"

She turned to Orla, forcing a strained smile, "I'm fine…so I wish to know more about how you're now a club owner…"

. . .

"Brina…" Orla whispered as she pulled her aside. It was time for good-byes…and Brina's heart was already breaking.

"Yes?" She yelped as Orla pulled her into a hug.

"I do manage to watch the news you know…" She whispered fiercely, "I know you are up against something big. No matter what the brass claims, I hear you are on a suicide mission…" Orla's words seemed to choke off, Brina gripping her friend closer before Orla stepped back.

"You come back damn it." Orla wasn't crying, but her eyes had become slightly red, "You make _damn_ sure you come back, you hear me?" Brina nodded, holding back tears of her own.

"Momma!" Both women turned to Anya, who was currently sitting atop Thane's shoulders, "Does Mr. Krios _have_ to leave now? Make him stay!"

Thane gave a small laugh before setting the child down on the ground, "I apologize Anya, but the Commander and I have to leave…we have important things to do." He kneeled down to her level.

Brina was enjoying the fatherly side of Thane…it was a shame they had to leave…

"Will you come back?" The question was innocent enough…but as Thane locked eyes with Brina she felt her stomach clench. Even if they survived the Omega 4…Thane was still sick.

He grabbed the little girl's tiny hands, smiling as she fiddled with his fused fingers, "I cannot promise anything Anya, but I assure you I will try my best to see you again."

The girl sighed heavily, "Okay…goodbye Mr. Krios, I'll miss you!" She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

Brina watched as Thane's eye lids began to flutter rapidly, his jaw clenching slightly as he hugged her back.

"Goodbye Anya, I'll miss you too."

"Hey now, why is the drell getting all the attention little one? Don't I get a hug too?" Brina smirked as the little girl stepped away from Thane to leap into the Commander's arms.

"Bye Ms. Shepard…I'll miss you too!" Brina squeezed Anya, smiling at Orla as she let her go.

"Oh I forgot to tell you, happy birthday Brina." Orla kissed her cheek and patted her shoulder.

"Thanks Orla, message me okay? I'll be sure to keep in touch." She gave Orla her new Omni Tool info, Miranda had no idea Brina was able to accept messages through that channel, Brina had only given the info out to a few people…hopefully the Cerberus Officer would never find out.

"I will Brina…and Thane!" Thane turned to Orla, "Take care of her okay?"

Thane wrapped an arm around Brina's waist, "I will."

Brina leaned into Thane's side as they walked back to the shuttle, "I hate leavin…" She whispered.

"I wish you could stay Siha…" Thane pulled her close, kissing the top of her head.

"Yea…" She murmured, "Me too."

. . .

Brina sighed as she sought comfort in the shower. She was glad to be back on the Normandy…but she mourned North Carolina. For two days she had been able to forget her troubles and just enjoy life…and being with Thane.

It was difficult to fall back into her responsibilities…she just wanted so desperately to cling to her vacation still…she wanted more of a break.

Her 'what if' thoughts were still haunting her…as much as she tried to shake them they refused to go away.

She had never had a family…she didn't even know her parents. The Reds had found her in a dumpster…half dead.

There was no such thing as warmth and affection in her childhood. Maggots had to prove themselves useful before they were even put through the gauntlet to _try out_ for the Reds…Brina had had to scrape and claw her way through life until she was strong enough to stand on her own.

It had been nice to be with Orla and Anya…for a few seconds Brina had been able to pretend she was part of a family and that had been heaven.

She shut off the water, stepping out and drying herself off. Gardner had made her a birthday cake and Kasumi had managed to get her hands on some genuine ice cream while they'd been docked. The whole squad and most of the crew were gonna be meeting in the mess hall soon, and she was going to be late if she didn't hurry.

She slipped back into her Cerberus uniform, frowning at her reflection as she combed her hair. She hated having to put on a happy mask, but this party was more for the crew than for her, they didn't have many occasions to celebrate…

She stepped out of the bathroom, poking the side of her space hamster's cage; she still hadn't bothered to name the little critter.

"Are you ready to go Siha?" Brina, unprepared as always, stumbled; banging her hip against the side of her desk as she narrowly avoided knocking Thane over.

"Damn it Thane!" His smirk was far too smug.

"I apologize Siha…"

"Sure you do…bastard."

She moved to exit the room, but a green scaled hand clamped around her wrist, pulling her back. She placed her hands on his chest as she looked up at him expectantly.

"Are you sure you are alright? I sense that something is wrong…" She gave a small smile at his concern.

"Don't worry; I'll be okay…just thinking about stuff…I'll be fine." She kissed him tenderly, smiling against his lips as one of his hands snaked into her hair.

She pulled away slowly, "Now I want some ice cream damn it. It better not be gone or they're gonna have one pissed off birthday girl…" She continued to grumble as she exited the room, Thane smiling and shaking his head as he followed after her.

. . .

Brina stared at the blazing inferno that was her birthday cake, "Exactly how old do you think I am guys?"

"Gardner only told us to put candles on the cake Battle master…he didn't specify as to how many." The young Krogan shifted from foot to foot, uncertain.

"That's okay Grunt…but usually the number is supposed to match the person's age…judging by this I'm over fifty years old…"

"Oh damn, my mistake…we should have added more…" Garrus teased.

"I'd punch you if I knew it wouldn't hurt me more than you…ya bastard."

As the group laughed Brina examined her crew… She realized she was being an idiot…she had a family already. She looked at their faces, each one smiling down at her. For once petty squabbles and foolish prejudices had been put aside for later; everyone was just enjoying themselves…enjoying one last peaceful moment before the storm…before the mission continued.

She smiled at everyone, laughing as Jack bitched about wanting ice cream…her eyes landed on Thane, who sat across from her, the light from the candles illuminating his bright green irises. He was the most precious gift of all…she realized she would choose him over any chance for family any day. He had helped her so much, helped her believe that she was a good person…being with Thane made her feel as if she actually could succeed and defeat the collectors…bring everyone home safe. He smiled at her, giving her her favorite crooked grin.

"Make a wish Siha…" Brina winked at him as she inhaled, puffing up her cheeks before blowing out her candles.

. . .

"Siha?" Thane called as he entered the Loft.

"I'll be out in a minute!" Brina sang from the bathroom. Thane smiled, pressing the button that fed the fish as he walked down the stairs toward the living area. What he saw caused him to stop dead in his tracks…

An identical pole to the one in Orla's house had been set up…Thane's breath hitched in his throat…

He turned as he heard the bathroom door slide open, his eye lids immediately beginning to flutter rapidly as he took in Brina's appearance. He didn't know what the lingerie she was wearing was called…all he knew was that it had lace…and leather…and the sight of it did funny things to his insides.

"Sooo…" She purred, "Orla gave me some new clothing…though I'm not sure if this outfit works…I mean I already have a lot of clothes…"

Thane cleared his throat a few times before speaking, Brina noticing when he did that his voice was deeper…and definitely raspier, "I see no reason to exclude it Siha…"

She stepped forward, posing at the top of the stairs, "I wanted to say thank you for taking me back to Earth…that was the best gift you could possibly give me."

Thane smiled slightly as she approached him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"You are very welcome Siha…" She kissed him hungrily, before stepping back.

"Would you like to see my full routine on this thing?" She cooed as she trailed a finger down the pole.

Thane once again had to clear his throat before replying, "I _am_ mildly curious Siha…"

**AN2: Two things, first Orla is loosely based around a very dear friend, her name is Bethany and she kicks complete and total ass :D I've known this girl for around 13 years, and she is just awesome :)**

**Secondly, the character of Anya is a tribute to my friend Sever-Black's fanfic 'Hello Fascination' Who's little character Elissa made me smile, she's fuckin adorable folks! Yall need to go and read that fic, actually ya know what? Read all of Sever-Black's fics for they are wamazing, particularly Take Me To Infinity :D**


	22. EUCC

**AN: So guess what today was? Yup...the SuperBowl. Seeing as I know almost nothing about football (nor do I really care :P) guess what I did while my family watched the game? Yep...wrote more fanfiction :D**

**So I wasn't sure how the SuperBowl would have changed in the 22nd Century, so I used this idea, thanks to the Blood Dragon Armor DLC! lol, Anywho there really is no point to this chapter other than to provide you with more Shep and Thane fluff, so enjoy! :)**

Silence…the CIC was completely bare…not even a skeleton crew, and for once the cockpit was blissfully silent.

No Cerberus employees patrolled the decks, no ensigns manned their stations. Not a soul could be found anywhere on the combat deck…or the armory, or even in the lab.

If you were to travel to engineering, you would find the drive core unmonitored. No engineers in sight.

It would appear that the Normandy had been completely abandoned…unless of course, you travelled to the Mess Hall…

"THAT REF IS TOTALLY DUSTED, NO WAY WAS THAT A FOUL!"

"THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT!"

"KICK THEIR ASS EDMONTONS!"

All the ship's aliens cringed collectively as a tremendous uproar began to rumble the walls of the mess. Almost every human member of the crew was collectively screaming at the giant screen showing an Earth tournament…

Well, almost all of the aliens…Grunt had taken to joining the humans, even though he had no idea what all the fuss was about, he was enjoying the chaos.

"So does anyone understand what the issue is?" Garrus asked calmly as he narrowly avoided a serving bowl as it whizzed past his head.

"I believe Siha informed me this was called the Earth's Urban Combat Championship…" Thane responded from his seat in the far corner. The assassin had positioned himself as far back from the chaos as possible, with his back firmly planted against the wall.

He had been watching the human championship with little interest…preferring to focus on the crew more than the holo screen.

Most amusing of all was his Siha, whose piercing battle cry could be heard periodically above the others. Occasionally he would even _see_ her as her short, lithe frame would get thrown up into the air by Zaeed, who was also a fan of the Commander's favorite team, the Edmonton Blood Dragons.

He had to smile at her outfit. Not only was Shepard sporting her favorite team's jersey, she had also painted a red dragon over half her face and shoulder. Kelly Chambers had said Shepard looked like a cross between a mystical warrior and something called a 'jock'.

Thane wasn't sure who the other team was…but they had apparently scored more points for most of the crew was now throwing food and shrieking at the holo screen in outrage.

"Spirits…" Garrus grunted as more food and dishes came their way.

"Bosh'tets" The quarian echoed the turian's displeasure.

Thane was fascinated with this kind of human behavior…he had never seen his Siha so animated, even when in combat. And the newfound companionship between her and Zaeed…they usually avoided one another…but something about this championship had caused them to set aside their differences…

The biotic, Jack, was currently involved in a mini 'mosh pit' in the middle of the room. The Cerberus Operatives Taylor and Lawson were patrolling the outskirts of the group, eyeing the uproar with unease.

"GO BLOOD DRAGONS! WOOHA!" Shepard cried as Zaeed tossed her into the air again, Thane guessed the Dragons had just scored…

"Well, I think I'm going to go back to the main batteries…need to finish those pesky calibrations…" The turian took his leave, shortly followed by the quarian, who claimed there was a matter of urgency down in engineering that needed to be attended to.

Thane was quite content to sit back and watch the events unfold…though he did somewhat hate how well Drell could hear as once again the mess hall erupted into chaos.

"C'MON KICK THE DRAGONS RIGHT IN THE DADDY BAGS!"

"DONNELLY! IF YOU SO MUCH AS WHISPER ANOTHER COMMENT LIKE THAT I'MMA SHOVE THOSE T6-FBA COUPLINGS DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

"…A-AYE AYE COMMANDER!"

Thane soon realized why most of the crew was gunning for the Dragons…

. . .

"Gardner!" Shepard moaned from her spot on the mess hall floor. She felt as if her belly was going to explode…her head was swimming, and she was pretty sure it was all the mess sergeant's fault.

"Yes Commander?"

"Go to hell…"

Gardner's great booming laugh sounded from the kitchen area of the mess. "If I recall Commander, I never forced you to eat so much…"

"You sure as hell made the food damn it, you know my weakness…" Brina had always had a complicated relationship with food…As a biotic her metabolism ran fast, allowing her more calories than most, still though the Commander never knew when to quit, and she was pretty sure if she hadn't become a soldier she would have been grossly overweight by now.

"Siha…are you unwell?"

"Yeeesss…" Brina whimpered, clutching her stomach.

Thane chuckled as he scooped her up in his arms. He had known the moment Gardner had unveiled the junk food that she would be in trouble.

"Fuck food…I hate it…"

"That is a lie and you know it Siha, come tomorrow I am sure you will be, what is that charming human phrase…ah, 'stuffing your face' once again."

"Damn you…" She grumbled as they entered the elevator.

"So did you enjoy the tournament?" Thane asked.

Shepard's face lit up in a triumphant smile, "The Dragons kicked ass…" She boasted, "Donnelly is pissed…" She laughed softly as she nuzzled Thane's neck.

"Did you watch the championship?" She mumbled, already half asleep.

"A little, mainly I was watching you…"

"Really? Why me?" Thane laughed as he kissed her temple.

"You and Zaeed make quite the amusing spectacle…"

Shepard laughed, "Heh, he's a tough ole bastard, but he has his nice moments."

The elevator doors slid open at the Loft. Thane gently placed Brina in bed, making sure her covers were tucked in tightly around her small figure.

Brina had almost fallen asleep when she felt a damp cloth pressed to her face, it was then she remembered her face paint, "Bless you…" She breathed as Thane rubbed the paint from her skin.

"I figured it was bothering you…" He had been right; Shepard's skin had begun to itch under the chemicals.

Thane smiled at his Siha as he cleaned her face. Her skin had become blotchy and red, the paint dying her skin.

Shepard seemed to realize why he was so amused, "Ah Gods, I must look ridiculous…" She groaned as she pushed her face into her pillow.

Thane grabbed her chin, forcing her to look back at him, "Nonsense Siha…"

Brina smiled sleepily, "You're sweet you know that?"

"I try…"

Brina pulled him towards her, snuggling against him as she fell asleep.

Thane kissed her forehead as her face relaxed in sleep, glancing up as he heard the doors to the Loft slide open.

"Oh…sorry to disturb you, I hope I'm not interrupting anything…" Dr. Chakwas murmured as she approached the bed.

Thane smiled, shaking his head, "It's alright Doctor, did you need something?"

Chakwas smiled, "I brought the Commander this…" She held up a small bottle of a milky pink liquid, "It's to help her stomach, in case she wakes up feeling worse."

"Thank you, I'm sure she will need it…" He laughed.

Chakwas giggled slightly, "Indeed she will…you should have seen her on the SR1…gracious…" Chakwas's eyes became distant, her mind travelling back to another time all together. She came back suddenly, shaking her head as she turned back towards the doors.

"Alright Mr. Krios, I'll set it on the desk…sleep well!"

"You too Doctor."

Thane removed his jacket and slid under the covers, pulling Brina close as he too fell asleep.

**AN2: Oh...and about the Black Eyed Peas half time show? . can we say 'Fail'? To quote one of my friends on facebook, "Somewhere Axl Rose just threw the T.V. out of the hotel window." xD**


	23. My Funny Valentine

**AN: Happy Valentine's Day my lovely readers! Those that leave reviews get Valentine Cards! :D...well, not really...but you will have my eternal gratitude! :P**

Brina glared daggers at her fish tank. _Damn it…why…why didn't I plan this out better?_

She moved about the Loft, eyeing the stationary on her desk, _should I have written a card? Do drell go for that kind of stuff? Fuckin hell…I hate Valentine's Day._

And she did. The holiday held almost no meaning to her…she actually despised it with a passion. All the pink…all the stupid bits of nasty candy…the excessive public displays of affection….seriously, if she saw another couple making out on the ship she was going to air lock them…Giving a kiss was one thing…practically having sex in the halls was another. Brina did not want to see her crew like that…ever. _But Shep…don't you and Thane do that on a daily basis?...Shut the hell up inner voice!_

Brina would have probably been in a better mood…if it hadn't been for Kelly Chambers. The woman was obsessed with celebrating February the fourteenth…even convincing EDI to play sappy love songs over the comm. systems.

As another mushy gushy, bullshit filled melody came to a close Brina grit her teeth. _I've got to get out of here!_

"Siha…"

Brina turned, surprised to find Thane standing in the doorway. He had been off with Garrus…looking for weapons mods….although judging by the small, heart shaped package in his hands; she figured Kelly had told him what day it was.

"Please tell me that that is either chocolate or a unique and ingenious way to kill myself…" She growled, crossing her arms as she posed defiantly at the foot of the stairs.

Thane gave her a tiny smile, his eyes holding a mischievous quality to them…

"It is neither…"

"Damn it."

He stepped towards her, pulling her up the steps and into his arms, "Why are you so angry Siha?"

"I'm just not a fan of Valentine's Day…that's all…"

"That is a shame, for I left your company today for the specific goal of finding you a proper gift for the holiday…" Brina eyed the small box; he had set it down on the edge of her Model Ship display case…

"If you do not wish to celebrate this occasion, then I shall simply return it…" His tone was taunting and his smile widened as he saw her still focused on the box, her face showing that curiosity would eventually win out over her grouchiness…

"What is it?" She asked, her eyes never leaving the box.

"No no Siha, this is not how it works…either you wish to celebrate the holiday and be my Valentine or I return the gift…choose." Brina cringed at his use of the word 'Valentine'.

"You're a bastard you know that right?" Her dark eyes finally moved back to his ebony orbs, her expression one she usually wore when killing mercs.

"I'm waiting for your decision Siha…" Thane responded in a sing song voice, not intimidated in the least.

Brina looked back towards the box…it was calling to her…she tried her best to ignore it, but its allure was too strong.

"Damn it" She hissed, reaching for it.

"Happy Valentine's Day Siha…" Thane laughed, kissing her neck, just under her ear.

"Yea yea yea…shut it Krios." She moved towards her desk, Thane following, his arms wrapping around her from behind as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

Brina slipped the thin black ribbon from the box…lifting the lid slowly, catching a hint of dark purple satin cushioning…

"Oh my Gods…" She breathed as she tossed the lid onto the desk.

Inside were two silver cuff bracelets…slightly thick towards the palms. The mirror like silver was engraved with the most intricate Celtic knot work she had ever seen…Brina noticing that amidst the almost microscopic designs…several animals were depicted…in Celtic tradition and Lore, it was often believed that certain animals had deep meaning, and strange powers…and it was believed if you wore or displayed these symbols…the animal's powers might be passed on to you…

"I have been trying to brush up on the Lore, Siha…correct me if I am wrong though…" His finger traced a dragon towards one end of the bracelet, "The Dragon is seen as a guardian of treasures and a hero, the creature is also traditionally associated with military matters…" His finger slid towards a small series of butterflies over the main sections of the bracelets, "The Butterfly is seen as a symbol of transformation, inspiration," His lips caressed her ear as he whispered, "and rebirth…" Brina smiled as she remembered him saying she had re-awakened him to life…

His finger slid towards the opposite side of the bracelet; a griffon seated nobly against the border of the cuff, "And the Griffon…now these creatures were seen as the guardians and protectors of life…ever remaining loyal to their cause…even in the afterlife…" Brina turned to him, his face mere centimeters away…

He smiled at the flush to her skin, the shocked expression on her face, her eyes bright, "Do you like them?" he asked.

Her response was to drop the box onto the desk and attack him, "Mmmf!" He gave a muffled noise of surprise before laughing against her lips as she pushed him up against the fish tank.

His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close as his lips trailed down her jaw, towards her shoulder, "I'll take that as a yes then…" he murmured against her skin.

"Mmmmm…yea pretty much…" She hummed against his neck, her arms around his shoulders. She kissed the red ribbing of his throat, nipping the sensitive skin lightly.

Though his breath hitched and his arms tightened their hold, he pulled back, "There is more Siha…"

"M-more?" Her eyes widened.

"To the gift, yes…these are not simple pieces of jewelry…" He lifted one of the cuffs, holding it up by his thumb and index finger, applying slight pressure to the sides of the bracelet.

There was a soft, almost nonexistent click and the bracelet came apart. Thane flicked his wrist and Brina gasped as the bracelet folded in on itself, exposing a small, incredibly thin blade. The knife was only a couple inches long.

"The other bracelet does the same thing…" He said, smiling at her awe, "I heard from a certain Japanese crew member that you will not be able to bring any of your guns with you to the heist on Bekenstein…" He handed the tiny dagger to her, watching her palm the blade, twirling it between her fingers, "I wanted you to have something…I want you to be safe, Siha…"

Brina continued to stare at the dagger in her palm…the handle fitting perfectly in her grasp, "I…I don't know what to say, I mean 'thank you' doesn't seem enough…Thane…" She reached for him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she buried her face in his neck, "I guess I don't _completely_ hate Valentine's Day…"

Thane chuckled as she set the dagger beside the other bracelet, "One more thing Siha…"

"Goddess of Oceans, Thane…what now?"

He pulled her back towards him, kissing her ear lobe before whispering, "The daggers will hold a charge if you activate your biotics…"

He laughed as Brina grabbed the collar of his leather jacket, jerking him towards the bed, "Come here, damn it." She growled as she pulled him on top of her.


	24. Overlord Agony

Brina stared in horror at the abomination before her. Dr. Archer's brother seemed to hang in mid air, suspended from numerous tubes and wires. She stared in awe at the two tubes erupting from his mouth, and cringed when she saw tiny metal hooks were keeping his eyes open. She felt the sting of her own eyes cybernetics flaring in response to her slowly building rage.

"Quiet…please, make it stop…" The phrase had been repeated over and over since she had been staring at him. Shepard felt herself shiver as she stepped towards him, to do what she wasn't sure but she was going to get him the hell out of there.

"No! Don't touch him he's too valuable!" Shepard turned to find Dr. Archer running towards her, placing himself between her and his brother.

"You're a monster!" She yelled, trying to refrain from strangling him. "You would do this, to your own brother even?"

Archer's face gave way to shock at the sight of her implants as he instinctively stepped back. Brina watched as grim determination soon replaced his obvious unease, "I know what I have done is unethical but I did it to save lives, if I can prevent a million mothers from mourning the loss of a million sons than I will do it."

Shepard couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You mean you would sacrifice David's happiness so you could experiment with your own private hell? That's absolutely sick Archer!" She clenched her hands into fists. "How many lives have been lost for your sick cause huh? How much fuckin blood is on your hands?"

Archer looked at David, eyes filled with sadness. "More souls than can forgive me." Shepard watched as David's eyes filled with tears. Archer turned to Shepard, tears of his own spilling down his face. "What I have done to David is wrong. If he dies it is unforgivable. Please, let me take care of him."

Shepard stared at him for what felt like an eternity before she answered, her voice dripping with venom. "I've seen enough of this shithole to know that he won't ever be safe from the likes of you. David is comin with me."

Archer's eyes widened. "Where will you take him?"

Shepard watched David for a time, thinking. "Grissom Academy, they help special cases like David," She turned a scathing glance towards the doctor "Minus the torture." She moved to start unhooking David from the machine when she heard the distinct click of a pistol's safety catch being turned off.

"I can't let you take him Commander, he's too valuable!" Shepard reached for her Carnifex, but instead of firing it she whipped it across his face, taking pleasure in the sight of his blood spraying the floor. Dr. Archer clutched at his now broken nose, trying unsuccessfully to stop the blood from gushing down his face.

"If you ever try to come after him this bullet will be waitin for you." She hissed in his face.

Archer slumped against the wall, defeated.

"You're pathetic." She threw over her shoulder as she began the complicated process of getting David down.

. . .

"Siha!" Thane ran to her from across the room as she exited the VI chamber, cradling her face as he checked her for injuries.

"I need a little help here…" She grunted as she pulled David up next to her, she had had to practically drag him out of the lab; Cerberus implants or not the man was heavy. Thane's thumb ran across her cheek before he stepped back to assist her.

"Who is this?" Garrus asked, walking up behind him.

"This was the VI, but now that he is free his name is David. Dr. Archer was responsible for everything. The rat bastard lied to us." Garrus helped her carry David back to the Hammerhead. Shepard couldn't stop exchanging glances with Thane, there was no need to speak, their facial expressions would suffice for they could read each other like books.

_I was worried…_

_I'm fine, stop worryin so much._

_I wouldn't need to worry so much if you stayed out of danger._

_Not on your life pal!_

Shepard found herself holding David's upper body in her lap. She knew little about Autism…simply that the disorder caused David to act like a small child, even though he was obviously in his early thirties.

"It all seemed harmless…" He started to moan.

Shepard cradled his head against her chest, rocking side to side slightly. "Shhhh, it's alright now…no one is going to hurt you anymore." He began to cry again and to Thane's utter astonishment Shepard began to sing quietly to him. It was too quiet for Thane to hear the words, but the melody was beautiful and he found himself loving her more in that moment than he thought possible. He had watched her kill hundreds, had heard of her killing thousands, but it was moments like these that showed him just how kind and gentle she could still be.

An image fell into his head of Shepard singing softly to a baby, _his_ baby, but he quickly pushed that away. It was impossible and completely selfish of him to want that. The reapers were still out there and he was a dying man. To want to bring a child into the world with that kind of threat still looming and without having a father to protect it was unforgivable. Not to mention that Shepard was the only one who could save the galaxy. Having a baby, for her, was out of the question.

The shuttle reached the Normandy in record time, Brina shivering as she entered the ship. She was glad to be away from the aftermath of Project Overlord.

They took David to the Med Bay, Brina never letting go of the man's hand. David continued to stare up at her, not really looking at her though, his mind was obviously somewhere else…Brina wondered just what kind of scars being connected to an entire Geth hub would leave and cringed.

"Chakwas, we're takin David to Grissom, but I want to make sure he's healthy before we sign him over. Can you take care of him? He was hanging from wires and tubes for Gods know how long…"

Chakwas lay a comforting hand on the commander's shoulder, "Don't worry, Commander. I will make sure he is well." Leaving David in the med bay Shepard found herself heading for the loft. As she entered she pressed the button to feed the fish, only to get the warning beep that they had already been fed.

"Who-Oh, Thane…" The drell was seated at the couch, waiting for her.

"Siha" He stated, standing as she approached. Shepard hesitated for a moment, smiling slightly when Thane sighed heavily and pulled her into his arms. She had obviously worried him more than he was admitting.

"Thane, I'm so sorry." She started. He pulled away, still cupping her face.

"What are you apologizing for?"

Brina closed her eyes, mouth curving downwards. "I just…feel bad for having you see that. From the amount of horrific things we've been through almost all of them were caused by humans. I worry that you'll end up thinkin all of us are monsters. I mean I've basically been showing you the worst my species has to offer." Her voice broke and she clenched her jaw. Thane watched her, seeing her struggle. He made a concerned noise in his throat before leaning in to kiss her. It was a small one, not filled with hunger like all the others.

"Siha…" He whispered as he pulled away. "How could I think that of humanity when you are standing in front of me?" She looked at him confused. "If ever I were to think that, all I need to do is look at you and know it to be untrue. You embody all that humanity has to offer; I would never think badly of your species, they gave me you."

Brina smiled as she buried her face in the crook where his neck met his shoulder, sighing as his arms tightened around her.

"Come Siha, you need to rest…"

She tore at her armor; needing help from the drell she was so exhausted. They then tumbled into bed, embracing each other as they both drifted off to sleep.

**AN: Was replaying Project Overlord...had to write about it cause it made me sad. Poor David :( **


	25. A Good Night's Sleep

Brina wasn't sure what time it was, nor did she care. In space time got funny, there was no day or night and windows to the outside were scarce outside of the cockpit or her sleeping quarters, even then they only showed the deep black oblivion of space. So more often than not she usually had no idea what time or even which day of the week it was. That had been a pretty huge problem when she was in the Alliance, but Cerberus didn't give a shit and now that she was in charge of her own ship and had a secretary neither did she.

Prone to insomnia she once again found herself awake when everyone else was asleep. Even her lover was dead to the world…not literally, Thane was just exhausted.

She sighed as she lowered her book. Brina was currently snuggled into her favorite blue, fuzzy blanket on the couch, thinking that while she was awake she might as well catch up on her book. It had lain forgotten on her coffee table for far too long in her opinion. The one thing she hated about her job was that it took her books away from her. Reading had been her salvation in the Reds, and since joining the military she had been forced to abandon the habit. Damn those pesky Reapers and their plot to destroy all organic life, damn them twice.

Sadly the book was proving a horrible distraction; instead of taking her mind elsewhere into a land of fantasy. It was making her remember. Even worse, most trips down memory lane for Brina Shepard ended in an overwhelming feeling of depression and failure mixed with a few well hidden tears.

In this case one scene in the book caused her mind to drift to Liara…Benezia's death in particular. Brina had killed many mothers in her career, most not deserving of the title or responsibility but she'd never killed a parent with their child watching. The look on Liara's face as her mother breathed her last had haunted Brina for weeks afterward. She knew she had the asari's forgiveness, Liara even stating that she preferred Benezia dead rather than a puppet for someone else. Still…it was one of Brina's deepest regrets, and a scar on her soul that would probably never heal properly.

It was a small moment in the Saren investigation…and honestly there were many other missions Brina should have felt extreme regret and guilt over, but if there was one weakness the commander suffered…it was causing her friends pain. Liara had been naïve and a bit ditzy when Brina had first met her, and indeed more times than she could remember the asari had annoyed the hell out of her…but in the end Liara had proven to be a dear friend.

Seeing her now, the two years Brina had spent dead had obviously taken their toll on Liara T'Soni. She wasn't the same anymore, no one was…but Liara had shown the most change. It disturbed Brina, more so than Kaidan's betrayal which surprised her. Everyone was darker, more defensive and shut off to the world…Garrus especially, but Liara had never seemed like the kind of person to let life get her down. Liara had always been the hyper active puppy of sorts, the one shining light in the dark, the token optimist as Joker liked to call her.

That Liara was gone now and Brina doubted she'd ever see her again. She actually was determined to not run into Liara any more, the last time she had seen the asari ended with her getting used and then discarded like a reaper husk. Brina had expected to see an old friend, not be left to lick her wounds after getting slighted.

Pissed off now, Brina stood. She moved towards her fish tank, pressing the button that would feed them. As she watched the flakes float through the water she felt her anger fade, she actually smiled as the fish gulped at their food hungrily. She felt rough hands caress her belly before resting on her hips. She leaned back into Thane, noting that this was the first time he'd snuck up on her that hadn't ended in her screaming in surprise.

"Why are you up?" His lips at her ear caused goose bumps to rise on her arms.

"I couldn't sleep…" She responded.

Thane said nothing to that, simply resting his chin on her shoulder and watched the fish with her. She had picked up a couple new ones while on Illium, their bright yellow and purple colors a drastic change from the neutral tones of the other fish.

"What troubles you Siha?" He finally asked. Thane was a nosy bastard…she knew he'd held off as long as he could.

She ran her hand up his arm, reaching back until her palm lay at the back of his neck, "Oh I was just thinking…you know how dangerous _that _is."

He gave a soft chuckle, nipping her shoulder, "Ah yes, last time you did that I believe the building we were in was soon destroyed…"

"Hey it was a good idea…in theory."

"Most ideas are." Thane purred, kissing up her neck, "Now tell me what is wrong."

Brina sighed, feeling all tension leave her body under Thane's ministrations, "I was just thinking…everyone has changed since I died. I hate it."

"Life changes Siha, there is nothing you can do about that."

"I know hon, I'm just…Garrus, Tali, Liara…Kaidan," the last name was spoken bitterly, "They all had two years of adjusting to change and letting it happen. I feel as if I was out for maybe five minutes." She felt him nuzzle her neck, "It just hurts is all. I guess I'm mourning my old life again."

"That is understandable." Thane mused, "But look at the good things Siha, you have Garrus and Tali still, they did not abandon you."

"No…I abandoned them."

Thane's arms stiffened, "You had no control over dying Siha."

"If I had been stronger, faster maybe, maybe I could have…"

"Shoulda, coulda, woulda" Thane chuckled, it was a phrase Brina often used, "How long will you torture yourself with 'what ifs'?"

Brina moved away, frustrated, "I don't know. I just feel like there was something I could have done damn it!" Her hands raked through her crimson hair, the fingers of her right hand trailing over the ridges of her facial scar. Thane knew whenever she did that her mind was going to dark places…and fast.

"Siha…stop." He pulled her to him, tucking her head under his chin, "You did all you could…"

"I should have saved them." She growled, clutching him tightly, "Thane, look at them now, everyone's broken…I failed, I failed them all!"

"SSshhh Siha…" His voice rumbled, Brina feeling him more than hearing him. She loved his voice; it soothed her when nothing else could, "You failed no one."

"Yes I did!" She whispered harshly against his shoulder, feeling him make an aggravated noise in the back of his throat.

"I am curious as to what brought this on." He murmured, hands sliding down her back as he kissed her forehead, "Is this about seeing Ms. T'Soni today?"

Brina cleared her throat, swearing softly as she wiped away tears, "She barely noticed me…just handed me this errand she needed taken care of and then shooed me off once I'd finished the job."

Thane made a concerned noise and she pressed her forehead to his, "She was a dear friend…she's probably the only person who truly knows me. She's the only being who has really and quite literally been in my head Thane. There was a bond there…and it sucks to know that it's gone."

Thane kissed her softly, "Liara T'Soni may have been in your head Siha, but you aren't in hers. Do not take her coldness for apathy just yet. She said her friend was in trouble did she not? Perhaps she is simply preoccupied with that."

"You have a point…" Brina grumbled, "It still stings though."

"Why not talk to her about it?"

"She wouldn't read it Thane…she barely acknowledged me being alive again. She wasn't even shocked by it…it was like she knew about Lazarus ahead of time."

Thane's gaze became concerned at that, "Do you think she knows something you do not?"

"Maybe…I don't know." Brina felt the beginnings of a migraine spike at her temples, reaching up to rub them with her finger tips.

"You need rest Siha," Thane murmured, "This constant lack of sleep will only hurt you in the end."

Brina pressed her forehead against his, closing her eyes and sighing as his arms wrapped around her, "I know…" she whispered, "I'll be there in a minute okay? I think I'll message Liara after all."

He kissed her softly, "As you wish Siha."

He pulled away, her body instantly aching for him. Brushing the ache aside she moved to her terminal, surprised to see that a message was waiting for her.

A wide smile spread across her face as she opened it, Brina feeling tension ease from her frame, happy tears pricking her eyes.

_Shepard,_

_Something is wrong; I can sense it, are you alright? I am worried…_

_I know we didn't part on the best of terms, and that is my own fault. I didn't mean to make it seem like you were less important. You are just as if not more…Don't ever forget that Brina, please know that I asked you to hack those terminals because you are the only person I trust completely._

_With love,_

_-Liara_

It would seem she hadn't lost Liara after all. Brina closed her terminal, planning to respond later.

Climbing into bed she settled into the warmth of Thane's arms and for the first time in what felt like weeks she slept the whole night through.

**AN: Hey guys! *waves* Did you miss me? ^_^**


	26. Sex Ed pt1

_"How's it goin Mordin?"_

Jesus Christ, it had seemed like such a simple question…

Brina Shepard was not prepared for the salarian's response, "Shepard! Need to speak with you, medical matters, very important."

She had paused, resting her hip against the side of the lab table and crossed her arms.

Mordin paced, taking a deep breath before continuing, "Aware that mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress. "

Brina suddenly became very uncomfortable.

"Sexual activity normal as stress release. Still, recommend caution with Thane. Drell/Human liaisons complex. Thane complex as well."

"Whoah!" Brina stood ram rod straight, "What are you talking about?"

"Am not blind Shepard, also not stupid. Have monitored interactions between crew members, can see relationship evolving between you two."

Brina's eyes widened, "Umm, thank you for your concern Mordin…but…I really don't need to kno-"

"Nonsense, need to know information Shepard. Want you to enjoy yourself but stay safe!"

The commander soon found herself hearing all about rashes and hallucinations yet as hard as she tried to block it out, Mordin just kept on talking.

It wasn't until he actually began showing her diagrams and demonstration vids that she really lost it.

"Mordin!" She felt her face flush with heat. That was not a drell penis; she totally did not just see a drell penis.

"Problem Shepard?"

"Yes…just, put that stuff away!" She began backing out of the lab.

"But Shepard-"

"Just send it to my private terminal in the Loft! I…I need to go…" She felt for the door controls, finding herself falling backwards when they slid open.

Instead of hitting the floor though, someone caught her.

"Siha, are you alright?"

_Oh…my…God…_

Shepard leaped away from Thane, crossing and uncrossing her arms as she tried to look anywhere but at the assassin.

"Is something wrong? Should I get the doctor?"

_Don't look at his crotch, don't look at his crotch, damn it I said don't look at it!_

"Um, uh I-ah…I'm fine, fine, totally fine!" She was well aware that her face was the same color as her red armor, "Um…so…what brings you to the CIC?" _Talking! Talking is good, you're good at talking Shep! Just don't stare at his crotch!_

Thane raised one eye ridge, inner eyelids fluttering rapidly in concern, "I was informed Mordin wished to speak with me."

_Oh no.._

"Krios, good! Just finished discussing this with Shepard, please come in!"

"Thay Lord…"

"Siha?"

"I…I just…I need to go!" She leapt into the elevator, falling against the back wall as the doors slid shut.

She was going to go up to her room, crawl under her blankets, and refuse to come out until the Reapers destroyed the galaxy.


	27. Sex Ed pt2

**A/N: Okay, I may have a part three in the works over here...we'll see. :)**

Miranda Lawson's relationship with her commanding officer was…complicated.

Brina Shepard was almost everything she hated. The woman was chaotic when there needed to be order, lazy when she was supposed to be working, and trusted aliens far more than the Cerberus officer thought she should.

Still, there needed to be a partnership regardless of how they felt about each other. They had a ship to run, and data to go over. Plans on their next move needed to be discussed and keeping things friendly made the whole process easier.

Now that the commander was slacking off when it came to gathering material for the Normandy's upgrades, Miranda felt it was her duty to remind the woman of her responsibilities.

And so it was with great authority and no small amount of arrogance that the operative found herself at Brina's door, EDI letting her through without question.

She paused at the strange sounds she heard…was that moaning?

"Commander?"

"In here." Brina called over the voices.

"What is that nois-OH MY GOD!" Miranda recoiled from the horrifying images on Brina's terminal, "What are you doing?"

"Watching drell porn, Mordin's suggestion." Brina tilted her head to the side as she continued to watch, "It was awkward at first but I think I've been desensitized, hot _damn_ Drell sure are flexible." She looked over her shoulder back at Miranda as if this was the most normal thing in the world, "Did you need something Lawson?"

_What has been seen cannot be unseen…_

"Um…I…could you turn that off?"

"Sure." Brina slammed the terminal's lid shut before swiveling her chair in her second in command's direction, "So what's up?"

What had she come up here for again? Oh!

"Here are the scans of the nearby planets, several seem rich in material."

"Ah fuck, I hate mining…"

"The contractor was perfectly clear on how much we needed for the Thanix canon."

"I know I know. I'll start tomorrow, did you need anything else?"

"N-no." She turned towards the door before whirling back around, "Actually there was one thing…"

"There always is, what's your issue?"

"I know I will regret asking, but…what does Mordin have to do with you watching drell porn?"

Brina laughed, "He calls me down to the lab like something is wrong, then proceeds to give me this alien version of 'the talk' and then sends all this shit up to my private terminal." The crimson haired woman shook her head, "I avoided it as long as I could, but then I found myself staring at the computer and figured, well why the hell not? And a couple hours later…here we are."

"I see…"

"Don't judge me."

"I wouldn't dream of it Commander." Miranda smirked before turning towards the doors, throwing one last comment at Brina before leaving.

"I wonder what kind of porn Mordin gave Thane…"

Brina froze in her chair. _Oh shit…_


	28. Sex Ed pt3

"Good morning Siha."

"Good morning Thane." _Play it cool Shep. Make your toast, pour your coffee, and act like you didn't just spend the entire night researching different porn vids of his species._

They often ate breakfast together, so Brina moved to their usual table like nothing was wrong. Thane sat across from her, his own food before him.

"Are you not hungry?" He asked, Brina catching herself staring at him.

She automatically took a bite of her toast, trying to get the image of Thane naked out of her mind.

_I wonder how flexible he is. I mean some of those drell in the videos just…damn. Okay get the fuck outta my head Vakarian!_

"Is something wrong Siha? You seem…distracted." He was smirking, _oh fuck…_

"You know, don't you?"

His smirk turned into a full blown grin.

"Goddamnit." She snapped, violently biting into her toast, "I'm gonna kill that XO of mine."

"I didn't hear anything from Operative Lawson."

Brina paused, "So…how did you know?"

"EDI."

"What?" _Okay, how the fuck do I torture and maim an AI?_

"I simply asked after you, you did run off like something was wrong, and she told me you were busy examining the material Professor Solus had just given you."

"Oh…"

"I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?"

"N-no…"

"Your blush states otherwise."

"Fuck."

The assassin laughed, sipping his tea before asking his next question, "So what did you think?"

Brina coughed, choking on her toast and inwardly cringing as crumbs sprayed onto the table. _Oh Shep, you utter flirt…_

"Um…uh…I- I thought…" She realized Thane was laughing at her, his shoulders shaking as he covered his mouth with his napkin, "Well don't act like you didn't get curious either!"

He sobered, "I read the pamphlets the doctor gave me…"

"He gave you pamphlets?" _What the fuck Mordin?_

"Several of them, though I've only looked at a few. As for the vids, no, I didn't watch any of them."

_Oh thank you God!_ Brina thought, before inwardly cringing, _Wait…did the pamphlets gross him out? Is he no longer interested?_

"Um…why didn't you watch any?"

"Drell are very sensitive to imagery Siha, powerful moments or images that inspire strong emotion stay with us forever. I didn't watch the vids because I want my memories of moments like that to only involve you."

Brina's eyes widened, face flaming as she stared at her plate. _Holy shit…what do I say to that?_

Thane took her pause as a bad sign, "Have I offended you? If I was wrong and you do not see us progressing to that level then I apologiz-"

"No!" She cried, eyes frantic as she reached across the table and took his hands, "It's not like that, I do want to progress to that level, I'd frickin _love_ to progress to that level," _Sounding a little desperate there Shep!_ "I just…don't know what to say." She cringed, "I'm not really good at this, sorry…"

He smiled, thumbs running over her knuckles as he squeezed her hands, "Neither am I."

"So…we're okay?"

Thane leaned forward, Brina mirroring the action. His eyes held a tender expression as he cupped her chin and kissed her softly, "We are just fine Siha." He whispered when he pulled away.

Brina wasn't quite sure, but she was confident the room had just burst into flames. She opened her eyes slowly; face slipping from Thane's hands as she sat back down.

"Oh…well, that-that's good." _So you know that thing you do when you open your mouth and try to make a sound, Shep? You should really think before you do that again…_

Thane smirked at her flustered state, going back to eating his breakfast.

They ate in silence, occasionally glancing at each other and smiling before Brina realized there was no more food on her plate and she needed to get to the CIC.

"Well those planets aren't going to scan themselves…" She murmured with an awkward giggle, wanting to slap herself for acting like such a dork.

As she placed her dishes in the sink she paused as she felt a scaled hand brush her hair away from her neck, the woman's knees giving out slightly as his fingers were replaced with his lips, "Just out of curiosity…" Thane breathed against her skin, "When do you see us progressing to that level of intimacy?"

_That was not a moan, that noise did not just come from me!_

Stifling her inner urge to squeal and giggle like a high school girl, she smirked, looking over her shoulder with hooded eyes as she brought her lips within centimeters of his, "Soon, Sere Krios…soon," She purred, lips almost meeting his, "But not quite yet."

Her smirk turned into a smile as he growled softly in response, his hands tightening on her hips before she pushed him away and moved towards the elevator.

She entered her Loft, leaning against the door heavily as she smiled at her feet. She was supposed to be in the CIC, but decided to take a moment to calm down.

As she stepped towards her fish tank a flash from beside her terminal caught her eye, Brina's smile fading as she stared at the holo on her desk.

Kaidan Alenko smiled at her from the photo, his eyes accusing as she moved to pick up the frame. It was as heavy as stone in her hands and with a heavy heart she placed it back on her desk, photo side down.

"Dear God, what the _hell_ am I doing?" She whimpered, sliding down the wall and falling into a heap on the floor. She pulled her knees against her chest as she cried, trying to push away thoughts of soothing black eyes and the rough voice that soothed her beyond words.

She was broken, nothing but damaged goods left over by someone else, and Thane Krios deserved far better.


	29. Welcome to the Normandy

**AN: So playing ME3 has made me look at the beginning of Thane and Brina's relationship, call it a nostalgia kick. The next several chapters are going to focus on the beginning and eventual build-up. I want to thank everyone who has stuck with this story, I still read the reviews and smile at all the favs and alerts. They mean a lot to me. Enjoy, and please review! They make the chapters come faster ^_^**

"GODDAMNIT CHAKWAS!"

"Well if you would just take the pain meds, Commander, it wouldn't hurt so much."

"Yea and then how would I explain to our newest crew member why I'm drooling all over myself and laughing at imaginary things?"

Chakwas sighed as she finished her stitches, slathering medigel on the wound to seal against infection. Stepping back she regarded her commanding officer closely.

"Alright I'm finished, now it's up to you Commander." Her gaze became stern, "You may escort Mr. Krios as he tours the ship, but as soon as you are done you are going to go up to your room and rest."

"But Chakwa-"

"No buts! That's an order."

Brina Shepard grabbed her shirt as she stood, storming towards the door, "Damn doctor sending me to my room, it's my fuckin ship!"

She ignored Chakwas's laughter as she stepped into the elevator, carefully slipping her shirt back on before she reached the CIC.

She found Jacob Taylor leaving the armory in a huff, the commander swearing under her breath as she went to find the ship's new assassin.

Thane Krios was in the process of examining the latest guns they'd received from the Illusive Man. He appeared particularly fond of the Incisor sniper rifle. His green scaled hands seemed unable to resist skimming along the weapon's surface.

"I hope Mr. Taylor was at least civil."

"I am used to the unease my profession generates in others." He turned to face her, clasping his hands behind his back.

"Well if he starts pestering you, please let me know. This may be marked as a Cerberus ship but I'll be damned if any member of my crew disrespects you or any of the other non-humans aboard."

"I doubt he and I will have a problem, I tend to keep to myself." He nodded at her bandaged arm, "I hope your injuries weren't severe."

"What this?" Brina lifted her arm, wincing slightly, "This is nothing compared to what I've been through."

Thane nodded, lifting the blue sniper rifle, "Impressive weapon," He murmured, "Your team seems very well funded."

"You can thank TIM for that."

"TIM?"

"Yea, T-I-M, the Illusive Man."

"I see."

Brina smirked, "You know you can have the gun if you want it. We've got several in the weapon lockers. So you can quit eye raping it."

Thane looked at her strangely, "Pardon?"

"Nothing, human expression. So you ready for the tour?"

"Yes."

_Okay, not a huge fan of talking I see…oh well. Such a shame with a voice like that-Oh dear Jesus, get ahold of yourself Shep!_

The tour went as well as she had expected, save for the assassin barely spoke one word. It was odd, Brina feeling more than a little awkward as she lead him through the ship.

Finally she stopped at Life Support, "And this shall be your room, I believe you had requested someplace dry?"

"I did."

They stepped in, Thane pausing to take in the room as Brina walked towards the window.

"If the Drive Core is too bright just let EDI know and she'll activate the shutters." She tapped the shelving unit next to the window, "You can store your guns here if you want, and again if you need anything let me know."

"Thank you Shepard."

"No problem, thanks for agreeing to join our cause." She smiled, "And um, welcome to the Normandy."

Thane actually bowed before throwing his bag onto the table. Brina left quickly, taking the hint that it was time for her to leave.

"So how'd it go?" Garrus teased as she walked towards the kitchen section of the Mess Hall.

"Thay Lord, I don't think I've ever met a man who talked as little as him. I swear it's like pulling teeth getting him to say more than three words."

"That'll be a nice change; I mean you certainly chatter enough for the rest of us."

"Shut it Vakarian."

"Again I am wounded," Garrus chuckled, "Now I shall go to the forward batteries and nurse my broken heart."

"More like calibrate your brains out, tell me the truth Vakarian…you're in there watching porn aren't you?"

"Why I would never!"

"Yea yea yea. I'm calling it, Garrus. I'm gonna break into that console of yours one day and I bet it'll be stuffed with Fornax mags."

"Damn it, I'm gonna have to find a new hiding place!"

Brina snorted, shaking her head as she began walking back to the elevator.

"G'night Garrus."

"Sleep well Shepard."


	30. Late Night Talks pt1

Brina kicked at her sheets, arms and legs flailing as she tried to grasp the oxygen tubes that weren't really there.

Trapped in the grip of her dream she relived every moment of her death, a never ending cycle of torture until the inevitable scream before she opened her eyes.

Sitting up she clutched at her shirt's neckline, yanking it away from her throat as she took gulp after gulp of precious air.

"Shepard, your readings indicate distress, would you like me to alert Dr. Chakwas?"

"No…no, I'm fine now EDI." Brina panted, "Don't wake her."

"Logging you out Shepard."

Brina collapsed against her pillows, chest moving up and down rapidly as she tried to catch her breath.

Closing her eyes brought no comfort, the blackness reminding her of Space. Opening them once more she glared at the stars flowing past her window. She refused to activate the shutters. That would be weak…

"I need a drink." She groaned, sliding from her bed as she quickly changed into a tank top that wasn't soaked with sweat.

As the elevator opened to the Mess Hall she tip toed towards the kitchen, opening a few cabinets and drawers but not finding anything worthy of a shot glass.

"Damn it Gardner, where do you keep the booze?" She growled.

"Are you looking for something specific?"

She froze at the voice, deep and slightly raspy.

She straightened, turning to find the assassin seated at the table, a steaming cup of tea before him.

"Oh, uh…hey Thane." She shrugged, "Just looking for the alcohol."

"I think all the alcohol has been moved to Ms. Goto's quarters. After all, her room has the bar."

"Oh…well fuck."

"Are you alright Commander? You seem upset."

Thane examined the pale woman. She was shivering, her hair plastered to her face. Her eyes held a frantic look to them that he'd only seen in his target's eyes right before he killed them.

"It's…it's nothing, don't worry about it." Brina murmured, going to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of ice tea.

"As you wish."

"Are you settling in okay? No more trouble with Jacob I hope."

"No troubles so far. I haven't seen Mr. Taylor since; he seems to spend most of his time in the armory."

Brina nodded, gesturing towards the chair opposite him, "Do you mind if I sit?"

"Not at all, we haven't had a chance to really talk since I joined."

Brina slid into the seat opposite him, hands clasped around her drink, "When we met you you said you were dying…" _Oh good God, did you really just go there?_

Thane didn't seem offended in the slightest, "I thought you'd want to know more, you needn't worry about the rest of the crew. My illness is not communicable, even to other drell. It's called Kepral's Syndrome."

_He talks about it like he's commenting on the weather…_

"Soo, what exactly is the problem?"

"My people are native to an arid world; most of us now live on Kahje which is at the exact opposite of the spectrum."

"Isn't 90% of Kahje covered with water?"

"Yes. My people live in climate-controlled domed cities, the ocean that surrounds us is referred to as the Encompassing."

"I've heard it's quite beautiful."

"Beyond words." Thane replied, a hint of sadness behind his words. She moved to question him further but he interrupted her, "But we are getting side tracked, you asked about my illness. The hanar homeworld is very humid, it rains every day. Our lungs can't deal with the moisture. Over time the tissue loses the ability to absorb oxygen, it becomes harder to breathe and eventually…we suffocate."

_Burning, freezing agony ripped out of her chest. Hands clawed at her back. Tubes…tubes…she had to find the tubes. She needed air…needed to breathe! Her mouth opened into a scream but no sound came out, there was no oxygen to fuel her voice and so the last thing she heard before oblivion claimed her wasn't a scream of agony…it was a soft, strangled gasp._

She wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy…

"Can't something be done about it?" Her tone caused him to examine her more closely. Shepard had stiffened, her grip tightened around her drink and she was shaking ever so slightly.

It was not his place to comment however, so he chose to simply answer her question, "The hanar have funded a genetic engineering program. They should be able to adapt us in time. Sadly, it has only been running for a few years. I do not think my body will still draw breath by the time it bears fruit."

"Is there anything we can do here? Our med-bay was stocked by Cerberus, and from what I've seen so far everything's state of the art."

To her surprise Thane chuckled, shaking his head slightly as if she were an idiot, "No thank you. It's being attended to. If the finest medical minds in the hanar illuminated primacy can't solve the problem, I doubt your ship's medic could."

"Well, just figured I'd offer." Brina muttered, suddenly self conscious. _Way to go dumbass…_

"Thank you for your concern," Thane replied, standing, "Trust me, this won't affect my performance."

The way he said that last part bothered her. Her mind went back to his earlier conversation with Jacob, how he had referred to himself as nothing more than a weapon.

"You know I didn't ask about your illness because I was concerned it would interfere with our mission." He stilled, turning back to face her as she continued, "I asked because I was genuinely concerned about you. The Illusive Man may treat this team like we're just tools to be used but I actually give a damn about the people I work with."

_Her sunset eyes narrow, mouth a thin line as I fail yet again to explain my job to her. I had wanted to make her understand, to see why she had found me the way she had…but I can't find the right words._

_"You are not some weapon to be used and cast aside whenever they see fit. Wake up; there is more to this life than you think Thane."_

_Siha…_

Shepard pushed her dark red hair out of her eyes as she moved towards the elevator, bottle of ice tea forgotten on the table, "Good-night Krios, sleep well."

"You too Sih-Shepard." Thane caught himself, cringing at allowing his memories to take over so easily.

He watched her go into the elevator, finding the past harder to ignore as he prepared for bed.


	31. Late Night Talks pt2

"Do you ever sleep?"

"Occasionally," Thane Krios turned to his new boss as he sipped his tea, "I have trained my body to need little rest. What about you? What is your excuse?"

"It's my ship, who says I need an excuse?" She responded. She leaned against the refrigerator door as she examined its contents.

This was the third time she'd caught him up when everyone else was asleep. He seemed to be just as prone to insomnia as she was.

She doubted it was nightmares that kept him up though.

"So…" She drawled as she slid into the seat across from his. There was nothing of interest in the fridge so she opted to drown out her nightmare with conversation.

"Something on your mind?" He asked expectantly. He found he quite enjoyed these late night talks with her.

"Mind if I ask you some questions?"

"Not at all."

He shifted in his chair, Brina momentarily thrown as he focused on her. _His eyes are so…pretty._

"Shepard?"

"Oh! Um, yea so…questions…" He raised one eye ridge as her skin flushed pink, "So, what's it like living with the hanar?"

He nodded as if he'd expected her question, "I know many think the hanar difficult to understand, it's just that they're very formal with those they don't know." A fond smile crept onto his face as he leaned back in his chair, "We know them quite well, if you ever get close enough to a hanar that they tell you their soul name…you would find them warm."

"You know a soul name?"

"Several, most of my commissions were for hanar. I grew close with my regular contacts. Soul names tend to be poetic; a hanar known for its cynicism might take a name that means 'Illuminates the Folly of the Dancers."

"Ha!" Brina snorted. _Dear God woman did you honestly just do that?!_

Thane didn't seem to notice the undignified noise so she asked another question, "Hanar communicate using bioluminescence right? That's more of an obstacle than their politeness."

"True, most drell have had their eyes genetically modified to perceive their higher frequency flashes."

"Did you?"

"Yes, I can't tell the difference between a dark red and black but I can see ultraviolet light as a silver color."

"So to you I have black hair…"

He cocked his head to the side, "Yes, but in brighter surroundings I can see the red color."

"Cool, I was tempted to dye my hair black once…"

"What stopped you?"

"The knowledge that if it looked horrible I'd never hear the end of it."

He chuckled at that before taking another sip of his tea.

"I do have one other question…" This seemed to bother her, Thane noticing she began to fidget in her chair.

"Ask."

"When…When you pray to the wicked, who exactly are you praying to?"

"Why does that question make you nervous?"

She shrugged, "Where I come from religion is a sensitive subject, hell if words aren't chosen carefully folks often get shot over it."

"I see…" Her accent had returned, "Where are you from?"

"Earth of course, North Carolina specifically."

"Interesting."

"Not as interesting as Kahje I'm afraid, but back to my original question…" She wanted to know. Had been _dying_ to ask since she'd seen him praying over Nassana's corpse.

"Who I pray to depends on the circumstance." He began, "To find my target I speak to Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, when I act to defend another Arashu, Goddess of Motherhood and Protection, and when I have taken my target, Kalahira, Goddess of Oceans and the Afterlife."

"Oceans and Afterlife don't seem to have much in common…"

"Consider," He began, voice deepening slightly, "The Ocean is full of life, yet it is not life as we know it. To survive there we must release our hold on land, accept a new way to live, and so it is with the death. The soul must accept its departure from the body, if it can't it will be lost."

"That…makes so much sense." She responded, _Brilliant statement Shep, very deep._

"I'm glad you think so."

"I didn't know that drell had many gods…"

"It's one of our older beliefs. Many embrace the hanar Enkindlers now or the asari philosophies." His face fell slightly, as if this upset him, "The old ways are dying. There are so many ways to interpret one's place in the universe. Who needs the wisdom of our ancestors?

"The younger generations do not believe they can help us fathom genetic engineering, orbital strikes, or alien races."

"Hmm…"

"What of you? What do you believe?"

_Oh shit…_ She hadn't expected the question to be turned on her.

"Honestly?" She began, "I don't really know…"

She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts.

"Humans have an enormous realm of beliefs. This is without alien religions; we had hundreds before we even discovered space travel. I've seen many beautiful ways to view the world and my place in it; I've seen many ways that I don't agree with, but I do my best to keep my mind open to them.

"You were right when you said there are many ways to interpret one's place in the universe and the best way I can say mine is that I'm still seeking. I've yet to find a specific category that I fit under and to be honest I don't think I need one.

"I've witnessed amazing things during my time in the Alliance, I may not know what's out there waiting for us…but I know something's out there and that's enough for me."

"An intriguing answer."

She had no idea whether he agreed with it or not, but she sensed approval.

She yawned suddenly, the commander feeling fatigue claw at her limbs once more. All memory of the nightmare was gone, wiped away by the food for thought Thane had provided.

"Damn, I need to get back to sleep. Big day tomorrow." She stood, stretching before moving towards the elevator, "You're comin with me too so try to get some more sleep."

He nodded, "Understood Commander."

"Shepard."

"Pardon?"

"You can drop the commander title, just call me Shepard."

He gave her a small smile, "Sleep well, Shepard."

"You too," She paused before entering the elevator, "And thanks for the chat Krios, we should do this again sometime."

He didn't look at her as the elevator doors slid shut, eyes falling to his tea as his smile widened.

"I'd like that."


	32. Late Night Talks pt3

"Son of a bitch…"

It was a pained gasp followed by the dull thud of a fist slamming into the surface of the table.

Thane stopped just outside his door, peering into the darkened mess hall. He had expected to find an injured crew member or a clumsy one…but to his great surprise he saw the petite frame of the commander, one arm curved over her ribs, the other leaning on the table.

"Shepard, are you injured?"

Her head shot up, eyes briefly flashing a violent red as they met his. She appeared frightened for a split second before her features relaxed; cybernetics dimming as her expression changed into a stoic mask he knew must have cost her a great deal to put in place.

She wasn't bleeding, there was no bruising, she simply looked…shaken.

"Oh…Krios…didn't think you'd be up."

He bowed his head slightly, "Isn't this the usual time we cross paths?"

She looked at her omni tool, examining the time, "Well I'll be damned…" a heavy sigh flowed from her, the commander falling into a chair, "I just need to…catch my breath. I'll leave you alone-"

"As you have said many times, this is your ship, why do you think you have to leave?"

Something wasn't right. This woman was usually the light of the ship, the thriving personality that kept everyone else in good spirits. Now she appeared weak and frail, words he'd never have thought possible to associate with her before.

"Are you alright Shepard?"

Her eyes slid closed, Brina nodding slightly before shaking her head, "No. No I'm not."

It was a shaky whisper followed by laying her head down against the table. Her breathing had yet to return to normal.

He had been on the ship for a couple weeks, usually staying in his room. He preferred the solitude Life Support offered, skirting along the outer rim of the social circles on the ship.

He had slowly made an exception for Shepard, allowing more to pass between them than he'd ever shared with his other employers. Soul Names aside, it had been a business relationship, nothing more.

He couldn't deny her current state concerned him and he had no idea how to deal with it. Comforting an individual who was not family was new to him.

Brina kept her eyes closed as she enjoyed the cool feel of the table against the side of  
her face. To her complete surprise Thane had yet to pester her about why she wasn't alright. It was…refreshing.

It was the same nightmare each night, the protheans having been replaced with reliving her death. No matter how many times she experienced the nightmare, the fear remained the same.

She heard the soothing sounds of pots being collected, running water from the sink, and the hum of the stove powering up. He was making tea…

It wasn't until a cup was set in front of her that she opened her eyes.

"It's Jasmine." He said.

"Thank you, but…I don't really drink tea."

He nodded, "What do you usually drink in situations like this?"

"Got any moonshine?"

"What?"

"Never mind, don't worry about it."

He sat across from her once more, staring intently at the drink in his grip. The silence continued, occasionally marred by the tiniest slurp of Thane sipping his tea. It was almost therapeutic, and soon she found her breath had returned to normal.

She expected at any moment that he would ask what was wrong but no interview came. Thane simply sat in contemplative silence, occasionally looking at her with concern.

Well, if he wasn't going to say anything…

"You know you don't seem like an assassin." _And to think I was once a skilled conversationalist..._

Her statement was valid nonetheless. When she had first looked over his dossier she had expected to find a cold blooded killer, but the man she had met acted more like a monk.  
Thane actually smirked, "You've spent too much time fighting thugs who think that custom painted armor makes them professionals." He straightened in his chair, "The hanar trained my body for this role since I was six years old."

"The hanar?" She sputtered, "Excessivley polite, worship the protheans…they don't seem like the type to train assassins."

"Every species trains assassins. The hanar are only unusual because they need other species to do the killing for them. They have a strong grip and natural toxins but…have you ever seen one move quickly outside of water? Or fire a gun?"

"There's Blasto…"

He actually laughed, "I meant real hanar."

"Well fuck."

Her smile disappeared as a part of his earlier statement came to mind, "Wait…you've been killing since you were six?"

"Of course not, I didn't make my first kill until I was twelve."

"Oh that's so much better!" She barked, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

"How long have you been killing Shepard? When did you kill your first man?"

18 according to her criminal record…13 if she was being honest.

"Okay, I see your point."

"The hanar were training me, I was not to be used and thrown away, I was an investment."

"You were a child not an investment!" Brina instantly recoiled from her outburst; she hadn't meant to put so much emotion into her words.

"I've given you the wrong idea," Thane soothed, "They valued me, yes as a resource, but also as a person. They…regretted their need for me."

"I don't understand, how could your parents allow that?"

"The agreement was made under the compact; it was an honor for our family." It was as if he'd been accepted into a special class at his school.

As someone who had also been trained to kill from a young age, Brina didn't consider it such an honor.

Here was a man who spoke of himself like he was a tool, not a person. On most missions Thane simply followed her orders; there were no questions or discussion afterward. Garrus never really questioned her either, but he'd worked with her before, really knew her. With Thane it simply felt like he was doing what she said because she was his boss.

That kind of thinking sounded like the exact opposite of an honor.

It wasn't her place to judge though, so she opted for another question, "The Compact?"

"We live on the hanar home world because they rescued us, some of us, from extinction. We owe them our lives; that is the Compact."

This was starting to sound grim, "What are the terms of the Compact?"

"There are many things the hanar can't do, even with mechanical aid. They ask drell to assist them."

"This can't be legal; they turned your whole race into slaves!"

Thane's eyes darkened, lips flattening into a thin line. He was angry. It was kind of sexy…

_So not the time to notice that Shep!_

"Don't insult me Shepard." He snapped, "Anyone can refuse to serve, few do." His features softened, "We owe our existence to the hanar, we are proud to repay the debt."

"Sorry…" She mumbled.

"No, I am sorry." Thane sighed, "I chose my words poorly and gave you the wrong impression."

She smiled weakly before continuing, "So why was your race going extinct?"

"Overpopulation." He responded, noticing her eyes widen, "That must sound trite to you. Humans developed Mass Effect drive before the problem became acute.

"Our home world, Rakhana, had few resources. We hadn't even developed fusion power when the soil began to fail from overuse and pollution. The hanar found us a century ago; they sent hundreds of ships, evacuated thousands of us. Billions more had to be left behind."

His face took on a haunted expression and the question was out of Brina's mouth before she could stop it, "What's Rakhana like now?"

"Do you read your philosophers? A man named Thomas Hobbes?"

"No, I never got much chance to read things like that."

He nodded before continuing, "When all the world is overcharged with inhabitants then the last remedy of all is war, which provideth for every man with either victory or death.

"As Rakhana died around them, my people slaughtered each other for mouthfuls of water…crumbs of food."

"God…I'm…I'm sorry." She cringed at the generic words.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Thane replied, sounding amused by her unease.  
Brina shook her head as she looked down at her hands, "I know…but still."

The silence returned, but this time it wasn't uncomfortable. She leaned her head against the back of the chair, enjoying the fact that there were no social pressures on her, no immediate missions that needed to be done and no crew member in need of assistance.

She was comfortable with simply sitting with Thane, nothing more.

She looked down at the untouched cup of tea before her, "So this is Jasmine tea?"

"Yes, not what I usually drink, but still pleasant."

"You know we're heading to the Citadel soon, we can add whatever kind of tea you want to the supply list." She took a tiny sip from her cup. It had a bitterness to it that she associated with all tea, but soon it turned sweet, "Mmm, this ain't so bad."

"I'll remember that." Thane murmured, "and I'm glad you like it."

"Now I have just one last question…"

"Hmm, and what question is that?"

"Your record states that you're freelance, you don't kill for the hanar anymore. What changed?"

He leaned back in his seat, "I was asleep for a long time, yes. I paid no attention to what my body was asked to do but then-"

Brina jumped slightly as his frame stiffened, Thane's eyes going wide as his words became harsh, clipped statements.

"Laser dot trembles on the target's skull…One finger twitch, he dies…"

_What the fuck is this?!_

"Smell of spice on the spring wind... Sunset colored eyes defiant in the scope… The laser dances away…"

Thane jerked slightly; his form relaxing as he seemed to come back to himself.

"Okay…that was weird." Brina murmured.

"My apologies," He began, sounding somewhat embarrassed, "drell slip into memory so  
easily."

"So…was that one of your assassinations?"

"Uh, yes," He stammered, body language screaming unease, "Perhaps we could discuss it later, I've wasted too much of your time."

"Alright." She stood, somewhat awkwardly, "I guess I'll see you in the morning."

He nodded curtly before moving towards Life Support, "Good night Shepard."

He didn't even wait for her to respond, the sound of the doors sliding shut louder than she remembered.

"G-goodnight Thane."

She entered the elevator slowly, distracted as she punched in her level.

_What just happened?_


	33. Late Night Talks pt4

Every night. Every damn night it was the same story.

She would finally fall asleep, dead to the world her body would relax…and then it hit.

Strangled gasps drowned out in the void as she fell towards Alchera.

Miranda had said she would forget in time, and Miranda was wrong.

"Shepard."

"JESUS CHRIST!" Brina leapt up from the floor, falling into an attack position before realizing it was Thane who had materialized out of thin air.

"I did not mean to startle you." He said, his tone suggesting otherwise.

"Well you did, goddamn I think you just took five years off my life." She shook her head, sitting back down in front of the wall sized window in the starboard observatory.

She'd come here to face her fears, to confront the inky blackness, and had now found Thane.

She always found Thane. Every sleepless night it seemed like she couldn't rest until she talked to him.

It wasn't always interrogations on drell life and religion; they had begun to simply chat, exchange stories of past missions and contracts. He'd even started questioning her about human life. The only thing they didn't discuss was what had happened the night he'd relived one of his memories.

"My apologies." He smirked.

"How…how long have you been in here?" She had thought she was alone.

He sobered, the smirk disappearing, "Long enough."

She had stormed into Samara's room, deciding to take advantage of the Justicar not being there. Shore leave had been declared and all the asari had said was that she had some loose ends to tie up on the Citadel. Brina didn't really want to know what those loose ends might be.

And so as soon as the doors closed behind her she had let go. The commander laying her grief bare before the stars that had failed her, she used to stare at them in wonder, now she viewed them in fear.

Brina Shepard did not like being afraid of anything. Fear was weak.

Thane had witnessed her break down silently, deciding to wait until her strangled sobs faded to soft whimpers.

"Shepard…"

"It happens every night." She whispered, eyes locked on the stars, "Lawson said I would forget, that the memory would fade, but I relive it every night."

"Relive what?"

"My death." She figured it was time for him to know, "I died gasping, my oxygen tubes severed in the blast that separated me from the Normandy."

"Oh." Thane stepped back, sitting down on one of the couches, "I was told it was an explosion that killed you, that it was quick."

"Yea, that's what the newsfeeds wanted people to think." Her voice was rough, "It was terrifying, painful, and anything but quick."

"I'm…sorry."

A grim smile stretched her lips as she turned to him, "As you said a while back, you have nothing to be sorry for."

He smirked as he repeated her response, "I know…but still."

"Exactly." She sat down beside him, clasping her hands in her lap as she stared at her toe nails. She had succumbed to her more feminine urges and painted them blue. It made her smile.

"It ain't all bad though, I'm back now, and I even have a few upgrades."

Though her words were spoken in jest, he could hear the thinly veiled sadness in her voice.

"So what do you think Samara's doing?" She asked suddenly.

"I'm…not sure."

"I'm bettin she's kicking ass and takin names, either that or scaring the shit outta other asari."

He remembered how amused Shepard had been by how uneasy the asari on Illium became whenever she mentioned the Justicar.

"If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say she's tracking information on her fugitive."

"Good guess." Brina chuckled.

They fell into a comfortable silence again, each individual content with just enjoying the presence of the other.

Sadly, Brina was never one to be silent for long.

"So Thane, I know you don't really want to talk about this, but I've been dying to ask…"

He knew what was coming.

"What the hell happened the other night?"

"Drell have perfect memories." He answered, not looking at her, "We can relive every moment in our lives with perfect clarity."

"That's handy."

"Occasionally, yes, but it is very difficult to control at times. Some of us disappear into…well, let's call it Solipsism."

"What do you mean, Solipsism?"

"When a memory feels as real as life it's as valid as life. Thinking about a moment brings the smell of cut grass, the warmth of another's hand on yours, the taste of another's tongue in your mouth."

_Steady Shep, focus on the conversation, do NOT go there!_

Thane turned to her suddenly, eyes intense, "Wouldn't you rather lose yourself in such a memory then spend the night alone, staring at walls of metal and plastic?"

_Goddamnit, fine…go there all you like Shep._

He did not miss the faint flush of red that tinged her cheeks, a human sign of embarrassment…or excitement.

"Wouldn't…wouldn't there be a risk of losing yourself in bad memories as well?" She finally spoke.

_Stop thinking about his tongue! FOCUS!_

"Of course, remembering the times I've taken bullets is…unpleasant. But I can look at my knee and see it isn't shattered." A pained expression crossed his face and once again he looked away from her, "The memories that are hardest to escape are those of despair."

"You can remember everything that happened in your life?"

"Nearly," His smirk returned, "And I expect if we remembered the birth trauma we'd never recover from it."

"Ha! Yea, that'd be rough." Brina laughed, "So you can remember every assassination you've ever made?"

"In perfect detail, every mistake I made, every target's last breath…"

"That must be awful, at any moment you could relive the guilt."

"Guilt? No. I've never felt any particular guilt about my contracts."

Her expression darkened causing him to race to defend himself, "My employers killed them; my body was only the tool they used. If you kill a man with your gun, do you hold the gun responsible?"

_How can he think like that?!_

"My gun can't decide right from wrong, you clearly do."

"My soul does, but my body is merely flesh." His voice deepened, "Flesh who's reflexes where honed to kill.

"Drell minds are different from humans. We see our body as a vessel and accept that it is not always under our control."

"So lemme get this straight," She said after a few moments of silence, "You don't assume any responsibility for the things you do?"

"Not every action performed by my body is a result of conscious choices; I take responsibility for those that are.

"Humans often believe in a soul distinct from the body, a spirit responsible for moral reasoning that lives on after the body's death. Our belief is just a bit more literal."

"I see…"

"But you don't agree."

"No, I don't. I mean, even if someone else gave you orders you still chose to follow them. There's always a choice."

"Free choice is an illusion. In our line of work we often think we have choices when in reality we don't. None of our choices are ever truly free; you of all people should know this."

_Shenyang, Emden, Jakarta, Cairo, Seoul, Cape Town, Warsaw, Madrid…_

He was right. Even her best choices, like saving the Council, caused consequences, mainly in the form of bloodshed.

"You have a point." She finally murmured, "Now there's just one other thing I want to know…"

"What would that be?"

"Several nights ago you remembered one of your assassinations, something about sunset colored eyes?"

This time when he relived it, it didn't startle her. She watched and listened intently as he described it once more, eyes opening slowly to stare into hers.

"A…bystander noticed my spotting laser and threw herself between me and the target. She couldn't see me, but she stared me down."

"Did you take the shot?"

Thane's stoic expression faltered, "Not that day…"

"It was odd that you just blurted that out, was it just another vivid drell memory?"

"No…she was a vivid person." It scared him how much Shepard reminded him of her.

Brina felt the moment turn awkward, feeling like Thane wanted to be alone. She stood, "I better get back to bed."

"Shepard-" She paused as he touched her arm as she passed him, "I appreciate these chats we have."

"You've spent a lot of your life alone haven't you?" She asked softly. He barely spoke to anyone else, always remaining on the outside of the social circle aboard the ship. If he talked with any of the other squad members it was during a mission.

He nodded, "Work fulfilled me, reading, I barely spoke to anyone outside my family." He looked at his hands, "It seems there will be no one to mourn me when I die." When he looked up he was smiling, "You're the only friend I've made in ten years."

"Friend huh? It's a start…" _What the fuck, did I really just say that?!_

"A start?" Thane's smile widened as he stood, "That's…intriguing."

Brina smiled back, "See ya round Sere Krios."

He actually bowed, "I will always be here to talk."

She would be lying if she said she didn't put a little sway to her hips as she walked out.

_Well, this should be interesting…_


	34. Finding Kolyat pt1

It had been an interesting week to say the least.

The Illusive Man had finally found a lead, promptly ordered Shepard to follow it, and then seemed unsurprised when she almost died in the process.

The Collector ship had gotten close, too close; to performing the same act it had two years ago.

The memory of the fear, the outright terror that had filled her as she'd sprinted to the cockpit coiled in her gut.

_Not again, not again, not again, not again_

The words had repeated through her head like a mantra, over and over until she'd reached Joker.

Without EDI they'd have been doomed.

Once they were out of danger she had marched right down to Chakwas, passing a concerned Thane and Garrus on the way, and demanded a sedative.

They were currently docked back at the Citadel, Garrus chomping at the bit to find Fade and Brina avoiding doing anything about it.

She shied away from the unpleasant memory, choosing to focus on a much happier one.

Thane liked her…

She almost giggled as she smiled up at the window above her bed.

There was the occasional flirting mixed with a few suggestive smiles and the whole situation was sweet enough to induce cavities.

She was loving it.

There was a flicker of doubt as Kaidan Alenko drifted through her thoughts but she pushed him away. He had abandoned her, called her traitor and ran. She'd already let him go.

She closed her eyes as she put her hands behind her head, lying in the center of her bed she finally began to relax…

"Shepard, Thane Krios requests entry. He says it's important."

"What?!" She lunged out of bed, the sheets tripping her as they wrapped around her legs.

"I said, Thane Krios requests entry. Should I tell him to come back at a better time?"

"No, just tell him to hold on." She groaned into the floor. Scrambling up from her fall she began to look for better clothes. _Must find pants…_Stumbling around her bed in a wild search, she managed to grab a pair of black sweats.

After a futile attempt to tame the crimson snarls of her hair she walked towards the door, "Let him in EDI."

"Shepard," Thane spoke softly once the doors opened, "I hope I'm not disturbing you." He appeared nervous, Brina realizing he'd never been in her room before.

"Nope, not disturbing me at all, come on in." She turned to walk towards the sitting area of the Loft, stopping dead in her tracks. _Holy fuck…_

Brina Shepard was not the most organized person. The Alliance had somewhat fixed that, but when the Normandy had been handed over to her she'd moved back to being a slob.

Random items of clothing lay everywhere, data pads thrown haphazardly around the room. Her bed was a disaster, the covers halfway off the mattress, lying in a heap in front of the bed. She glanced at Thane, who was eyeing the destruction with a hint of amusement. _Damn it…_

"I'm sorry for the mess…" She muttered weakly, moving the clutter of data pads off the couch. Thane gave a small laugh though his expression soon returned to his usual flawless poker face, giving away nothing.

"I need to talk to you."

Shepard felt her blood run cold. Thane looked upset, his body language suggesting he was about to jump out of his skin. She'd never seen him like this.

"Okay, so…what's up?"

Thane glanced at the ceiling, a strange look on his face, before shaking his head and looking back at her. "I need your help…"

"Alright, how can I help you?"

He stood before the fish tank, hands clasped behind his back. He had not wanted to tell her like this, but he had no choice. There was no time for a gentle reveal.

"I had a family once, I still have a son. His name is Kolyat and I haven't seen him for a very long time…"

_Well that was WAY out of left field…_

"Care to run that by me again? You have a family? You're _married_?!" _Oh I am gonna kick his scaly green ass…_

"I _was_ married. Her name was Irikah…"

"And what exactly happened to _Irikah_?" _And why the hell didn't you tell me this BEFORE we started…whatever this is…?_

"She died." He snapped.

_Oh shit…_

"Damn it." She cursed; posture relaxing, "I'm sorry Thane." She murmured, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"It doesn't matter." He brushed off her concern, Brina feeling the atmosphere get icy fast as she pulled her hand away, "What matters is that my son is in danger."

"Wait," She said, crossing her arms, "I need to hear the whole story."

"I abandoned them."

"W-What?"

"Oh, not all at once," He continued to watch the fish, "Nothing dramatic. No sneaking out in the middle of the night, no final argument or slammed door." He sighed heavily, "I just did my job. I hunted and killed my way across the galaxy. Away on business, my wife would tell people. I was always away on business."

_Sonuvabitch…_

"Thane…" He moved away from her, Brina recoiling from his anger. Whether it was at her earlier attitude or simply his frustration with his son she didn't know. All she knew was that her Commander mask was firmly in place and it wasn't slipping any time soon.

"So how long's it been since you spoke to your son?"

"Ten years. He showed me some of his schoolwork and asked if we could dance crazy."

"Wait…what kind of a dance is that?"

Solipsism took hold, Brina stepping back as Thane relived scooping his son up and tossing him in the air. Tales of shrieking and laughing, the boy demanding his father spin him…

It took a dark turn, Thane's words taking on a pained tone as he spoke of ignoring his son.

He came back instantly, finding a warm hand grasping his. He looked at their joined hands before meeting her eyes. There wasn't anger there anymore…just concern.

"Why are you telling me this now? What's happened?"

"When my wife departed from her body I…attended to that issue." Her grip on his hand tightened, Brina running her thumb over his knuckles, "I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I have not seen or talked to him since."

"That's not the choice I expected from you." Brina said, releasing his hand as she moved towards her desk, "Why didn't you raise him yourself?"

"My body is blessed with the skills to take life; the hanar honed them in me. I have few others.

"I didn't want that life for Kolyat; I had hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me, so be it, he would not share the path of sin."

Thane's shoulders sagged as his head lowered, "I used my contacts to trace Kolyat. He has become…disconnected. He does what his body wills."

"What do you mean by disconnected?"

"Disconnected. The body is not our true self, the soul is. Body and soul work as one in a whole person. When the soul is weakened by despair or fear, when the body is ill or injured, the individual is disconnected, no longer whole."

"So what's wrong with him? Is he hurt?"

"Something happened that should not have. He knows where I've been and what I've done."

"Shit…"

"I don't know his reasons, but he has gone to the Citadel and taken a job as a hit man. I would like your help to stop him, he is…this is not a path he should walk."

"We'll find him." Brina soothed.

"Thank you." Thane breathed.

There was one thing that didn't make sense though, "Thane, I don't have your contacts and I don't have your tracking skills. Why do you need my help?"

This time it was Thane who grabbed her hand, holding it in both of his, "I don't need your help I want it." He studied her fingers, playing with the ones that weren't fused like his own, "The last time I saw my son…"

He stiffened as the memory took hold-

_They've wrapped her body in sea vines, weighted it with stones…_

He tries to pull from me, calls for her…

The hanar lift her from the platform, they sing like bells…

His body swayed as his words took on a musical tone, _The fire has gone to be kindled anew…_

He begs them not to take her away…

They let her body slide into the water…

He hits me…

Don't let them! Stop them! Why weren't you-

Thane convulsed, Brina unsure what to do.

_It rains, it always rains on Kahje…_

Warm water pours down his face…

The transfer from past to present was like a splash of cold water, Thane finding he was turned away from the fish tank.

Brina was holding him, he was in her arms. He could smell her perfume, honeysuckle.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you relive that…"

"Perfect memory," He sighed into her hair, "It is sometimes a burden."

"Come on," Brina murmured, "We can start with Bailey, he may know something."

His hands slid up her back, grasping her shoulders as he gently pushed her away, "Thank you Shepard."

She nodded in response, rushing to gather her armor before following him out to the elevator.

"You don't hire a raw rookie for a contract killing…" She mused as she began assembling the pieces.

"I'm afraid someone may have seen that we share a name and assumed we share skills." He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, "I don't know why he would accept the task…"

"To be closer to you maybe?" She asked, bending down to fix her boots.

"That thought haunts me more than any other…" Thane's voice was strained.

_Way to be sensitive Shep._

She straightened, hands grasping at her back to secure her chest piece. To her surprise Thane moved behind her, securing the clasps she had missed.

"Thanks…"

"You're welcome."

Brina shifted in her armor, shrugging her shoulders and flexing her arms to make sure everything was in place before she entered the CIC, "So what made him go to the Citadel?" she asked casually as they entered the armory.

Thane sighed, going to his locker and pulling out his weapons. Usually he kept them in Life Support, but they'd recently acquired new upgrades so he had left them in the care of Jacob.

"Years ago I prepared a package for him, a relic of my ill spent life. I had volus bankers store it and arranged for delivery when I died. He acquired it early, I don't really know how." There were several _very_ frightened volus who were trying to find out.

"I did wet work on the Citadel around the time his mother died. That may be why he came here."

Brina latched on her weapons, leaving the collector particle beam behind. She doubted she'd need heavy weapons on their search.

As long as she had her Carnifex she'd be fine.

"Let's go," Brina said as they moved towards the airlock, "Joker!"

"What?!" He yelled from the cockpit, turning to look back at her from his chair.

"Open up, Krios and I are going out."

"Oh really? Well be sure you bring our girl back before curfew." The pilot smirked at Thane, who merely stared back.

"Well, I thought it was funny…" He mumbled, turning back to his consoles. There was a slight hiss as the doors slid open.

"It was funny Joker," Brina soothed as she walked through, "But this is business, not pleasure."

"Ah, well good hunting."

"Thanks hon, be back soon."

Brina looked at Thane, "You ready?"

"Yes."

"Alright then," She walked out of the air lock, scanning the docking bay, "let's find Kolyat."


End file.
